Feel Like I'm About To Lose It

[jesse]

I haven't been on the forum in awhile and really need to come here more often. I feel so trapped in this job that I hate the anxiety is driving me into a semi-psychotic state. I wake up and I just rock back and forth holding my head. My feelings oscillate from wanting to mutilate myself to wanting to put a gun to my head. I know that it will pass and yes I am looking for a new job but things just really suck right now. I tell my therapist that today and he said "you just have to not let them get to you (re: work)". What an ass I am not going back I'm surprised he didn't tell me to "cheer up" too.

 

[Darkness Shines]

I'm sorry, Jesse. I'm in the same place. Except I think I really have lost it, heh. And in my case it's my family that's pushed me over the edge.

My feelings oscillate from wanting to mutilate myself to wanting to put a gun to my head.

Yeah, that's about sums it up.

I tell my therapist that today and he said "you just have to not let them get to you (re: work)".

Wow, helpful! *sarcasm* You're not making me sorry I don't have a therapist, lol.

I guess I'm offering you commiseration? Because if I had advice, I would start by taking it myself...

 

[BloomInWinter]

((((Darkness)))) & ((((Jesse))))

BTDT. Thankfully, not in a few weeks. ;)

Hope things get better!

 

[deer_in_headlights]

((((((((Jesse)))))))))))

Wow... big help your T wasn't.

I'm out in the "sticks" too, and was "stuck with a dud" for a really long time, he was a lot like yours and just sucked my money while helping me remain in a suicidal state... I finally needed to "get out", and found a really good T locally through a nearby Victims Assistance Center (formerly a women's shelter). My beloved T unfortunately died unexpectedly.

Through help from a crisis hotline, I found one of 2 of the very best trauma therapists, in a larger city 90 miles away. I usually drive there once a week for a two hour session with one, and was piggybacking on another hour with the other - an EMDR specialist (until that therapist moved out of state, but we continue our work by phone on a weekly basis). The help and recovery by working with the best is phenomenal, and well worth the drive, expense and time.

I don't know if that's helpful. I sure understand how difficult it is trying to work with a very unhelpful (and poorly trained) "therapist". It's really important to get out if he's that bad. Empathic ruptures can be used for healing, but it sounds as if you've got a continental divide; that he is significantly lacking.

It's good to see you, Jesse! I've missed you very much! I'm just very sad you're here because of so much distress. I was hoping you were doing very well...

Sending hugs (((((((Jesse))))))))))) and much love,
Deer

 

[jesse]

((((((((((deer))))))))))))) thanks for missing me I have tears in my eyes to hear that someone cares and actually missed me. I really like your idea of going for two hour sessions. I am trying to find a better job and relocate so I am not going to pursue another T here but will when I end up god only knows where. I am trying to get a job in Sioux Falls, SD which I promised myself I wouldn't live in the midwest. It looks like a great town though and reportedly has the best economy in the US right now. There is a lot of medical services there and a large VA hospital. I am not a veteran but I thought I could call them and ask for advice on who a good trauma therapist would be in the area. Fingers crossed.

 

[blueangel371115]

(((Darkness))) and (((Jesse))). Calling the VA is a good idea. I'm sorry you had such a dud of a therapist. Therapists are critcal in PTSD healing, at least in my case. Hang in there.

 

[jesse]

Hey guys a new really good job came through for me. I will moving back out to Montana near where I used to live out there and loved it. I just wanted to share the good news and I hope some good things come your way soon too Darkness.

 

[Greg Clark]

Hi Jesse - I'm glad to hear that you're not going back to see that therapist. What an idiot. Someone with proper theraputic training in PTSD would NEVER say that to a patient. I understand being in a stressful work environment and living with PTSD. I had to quit my job in the end to save my own life. Do you have family that could provide you with support while you take some time out to start healing? It's amazing how people step up to the plate when they know what's really going on. I found it hard to open up and ask for help, but in the end, I had no choice. Also I have found Prozac to really help and I also need to take a mood stabilizer to keep me feeling OK. I've been exactly where you are and I wish you all the best and I hope you keep in touch with the forum.
Regards, Greg.

 

[jesse]

Thanks Greg it really helps to hear that you are not alone. I feel less stressed now that I have a new job coming up and know that my time there is limited. My family does not have a lot of money and I know they struggle to make ends meet so I don't feel like I can ask them to help me financially. I hope to only be there another month so keep your fingers crossed for me.