Feel like I've reached my limit

[beaneeboo]

I've spiralled really quickly today. Bad night sleep. Other triggers for me questioning my state of mind, myself, my reality... feel like I'm losing it and I'm scared. I'm just so tired and just increasingly feel like not being here is an appealing option.... i don't get to this place often (I have been here before but not for a long time)... I just feel like my life has got to a point of no return..I can't undo the way my life has gone and how I've reacted to it... I'm trying to be a good mum tonight but feel like I'm failing- very selfish behaviour of me... and that's the last straw really... sorry don't really know what I'm asking of this post... just need to get it out of me

 

[RachelBigby]

It's okay to have a bad day! That's all it is, a bad day. You knew enough to come here and talk. You knew enough to see it was irrational. When you stop yourself from buying into it, you're already halfway out of it. You got this.

 

[whiteraven]

(I have been here before but not for a long time)..

I'm sorry you're feeling so bad. But did you notice...you've been here before? And it sounds like you had an in-between time that wasn't so bad. I have to tell myself all the time that, no matter how bad it feels now, that feeling will pass. Oh, it might not go from the bottom of the barrel to the top of the world, but it will change! Everything does.

I just feel like my life has got to a point of no return..I can't undo the way my life has gone and how I've reacted to it...

I just took a workshop on this yesterday--on, in part, regrets and upset about not being able to change it. It's definitely a process to work through, and I was really surprised (although I'm not sure why) by how many people feel the same.

 

[No More]

I can totally empathise. I’ve been in that same spot the last two weeks and it’s awful. No advice on the way out of those feelings but I hear you completely.

I would also like to add that the fact you are trying to be a good mum tells me that you are you aren’t failing at all.

 

[Friday]

Mom-Guilt. The superpower noooooobody warns you about. And nobody wants. Gah. Vexing as hell.

I had a discussion with my 20yo recently, that now that he’s an adult? I can’t “just” send him for fun filled sleepover, weekend at the grandparents, school break camp, sleep away camp when I’m doin badly. Nor would he much appreciate my stringing up fairy lights, setting the tent in the living room, ordering in pizza/Chinese /Indian and doing a movie marathon… because today? This weekend? This week? Is cancelled.

Because the thing is? I’ve been sending him off on adventures whenever I’ve been having a hard time, his whole life. He never knew that was why, so this -me being holed up and hurting- seems “new” to him, and he wants to glom on, which just makes things SUPER bad for him, and harder for me. Yes. I know I’m shite right now. No, no, no…. Kiddo. Seriously. I’ve been doing this since before you were born. You do NOT need to worry about me. And the only thing that would really help me out? Call up your girlfriend, go camping with the boys, go on a college tour, get on a plane to see you uncle, habitat humanity. Something. Anything. Adventure yourself up, rather than chaining yourself here, feeling trapped, because of “me”. Both of us making each other miserable-er. I’m FINE. I am not new to this. You are, and are freaking out as a result. Seeeeeriously. Go have some fun, bring me back stories, that’s what you can do for me.

Covid sort of fawked the transition plan I had between my sending him off, and his going as a matter of course. Stupid effing Covid.

So there are downsides to your kids never seeing you in a hard place, too.

But just because we’re parents? Doesn’t mean we stop being people. Who have ups and downs, good days and bad, make mistakes and triumph. We simply do the best we can, with what we have, in the moment.

And that’s not wrong.

Superpowers be damned.

 

[beaneeboo]

I'm sorry you're feeling so bad. But did you notice...you've been here before? And it sounds like you had an in-between time that wasn't so bad. I have to tell myself all the time that, no matter how bad it feels now, that feeling will pass. Oh, it might not go from the bottom of the barrel to the top of the world, but it will change! Everything does.

I just took a workshop on this yesterday--on, in part, regrets and upset about not being able to change it. It's definitely a process to work through, and I was really surprised (although I'm not sure why) by how many people feel the same.

I can totally empathise. I’ve been in that same spot the last two weeks and it’s awful. No advice on the way out of those feelings but I hear you completely.

I would also like to add that the fact you are trying to be a good mum tells me that you are you aren’t failing at all.

Mom-Guilt. The superpower noooooobody warns you about. And nobody wants. Gah. Vexing as hell.

I had a discussion with my 20yo recently, that now that he’s an adult? I can’t “just” send him for fun filled sleepover, weekend at the grandparents, school break camp, sleep away camp when I’m doin badly. Nor would he much appreciate my stringing up fairy lights, setting the tent in the living room, ordering in pizza/Chinese /Indian and doing a movie marathon… because today? This weekend? This week? Is cancelled.

Because the thing is? I’ve been sending him off on adventures whenever I’ve been having a hard time, his whole life. He never knew that was why, so this -me being holed up and hurting- seems “new” to him, and he wants to glom on, which just makes things SUPER bad for him, and harder for me. Yes. I know I’m shite right now. No, no, no…. Kiddo. Seriously. I’ve been doing this since before you were born. You do NOT need to worry about me. And the only thing that would really help me out? Call up your girlfriend, go camping with the boys, go on a college tour, get on a plane to see you uncle, habitat humanity. Something. Anything. Adventure yourself up, rather than chaining yourself here, feeling trapped, because of “me”. Both of us making each other miserable-er. I’m FINE. I am not new to this. You are, and are freaking out as a result. Seeeeeriously. Go have some fun, bring me back stories, that’s what you can do for me.

Covid sort of fawked the transition plan I had between my sending him off, and his going as a matter of course. Stupid effing Covid.

So there are downsides to your kids never seeing you in a hard place, too.

But just because we’re parents? Doesn’t mean we stop being people. Who have ups and downs, good days and bad, make mistakes and triumph. We simply do the best we can, with what we have, in the moment.

And that’s not wrong.

Superpowers be damned.

Thank you so much all of you ... your words are so helpful... just to know I'm not alone when I'm in the pit..... you're right @Friday that mum guilt is so deep and is an effing super power... that's the one I need to address as its always the one which pushesme to or over the edge...

am low on words right now but I appreciate all your replies and I'm chewing your words over...

 

[CatherineJ]

My prayers and thoughts are with you. When I feel hopeless, depressed and full of guilt about my son and daughter that is in heaven I surrender, let go and let God.

You are a precious child of God and perfect in his eyes, he loves you and will never abandon you. You don’t need to measure up to worldly expectations. What you can do today is good enough.

Whether you believe or not I have strong faith and will pray that you will see yourself through our Fathers eyes.

God Bless

 

[beaneeboo]

Thank you everyone for your support and kind words .. I'm feeling out of the pit now... had a positive session with my T and that really helped alot