Lucycat
Sponsor
Not a problem I have ever had.
I am curious as to why you have Rabid in the title. Hydrophobia, mad, foaming at the mouth - what has that got to do with it?
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I am curious as to why you have Rabid in the title. Hydrophobia, mad, foaming at the mouth - what has that got to do with it?
Friday
Sponsor
This.
Deserves it's own thread, for true. Just hopefully not in the Childhood forum... There's a broader truth, there. Maybe even a need.
I could see it being offensive but the part I don't get are the ones who say yes who are looking for a relationship. All they get is a bona fide cheater. I try to keep my life simple which excludes cheating on my wife or any girlfriend I've ever had. My moral compass is simple as well and is guided by my own selfishness. Whatever I do on a given day I have to be able to live with myself and sleep at night. I've been able to do that. My difficulties sleeping now have more to do with the actions of others who live by their own selfish code. The problem with their code is it crosses into mine. It's a long story but that is how I ended up here.
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- #16
D
Deleted member 29899
@Muse these are the very things I've been thinking about the past couple days. This does deserve another post. I've never had a role model in my life. Never. I've never had a respectable decent parent or adult I could look up to, I loved them but I could only pity them (or hate one of them.) Never had an aunt or uncle or teacher to go to for guidance or to ask questions or simply to BE a role model, no one to run to. That feeling that there has never been any one to run to in times of need or trouble or even for love in my life has been horrible, like treading water. Knowing no one ever has my back, not even as a kid. My gosh I'm not even young anymore and I still wish I had parents. I always had to be tough. I'm so tired of being tough, 'on guard'. No child should have to basically 'raise' themselves with no adult influence, guidance or wisdom or discipline or love or acknowledging that they're even alive for the most part when not being neglected or abused or parenting their 'parents'.
And not having been parented has really made it harder to navigate through life, harder to know who to trust, harder to make decisions, certainly harder to believe in myself or in my case I don't even have any self worth right now.
Ever notice how so many of us who have not had 'normal' or healthy parenting have been through way too many bad things throughout our lives, way more than other people? Because of lack of parenting we are missing some instincts or accepting the 'wrong' people in our lives or we were willing to put up with crap other people wouldn't... It affects so many aspects of our lives. It has in my life anyways.
Sorry. I'm rambling. I've been pondering this for days...
And not having been parented has really made it harder to navigate through life, harder to know who to trust, harder to make decisions, certainly harder to believe in myself or in my case I don't even have any self worth right now.
Ever notice how so many of us who have not had 'normal' or healthy parenting have been through way too many bad things throughout our lives, way more than other people? Because of lack of parenting we are missing some instincts or accepting the 'wrong' people in our lives or we were willing to put up with crap other people wouldn't... It affects so many aspects of our lives. It has in my life anyways.
Sorry. I'm rambling. I've been pondering this for days...
@imok get out of my head please. Seriously, it is freaking me out, lol. I was especially hyper aware of my lack of being parented in my early adulthood. With no parental safety net I worked harder to try and make good choices due to the fact that the consequences were more sever for me than other people my age. The problem was, due to a lack of knowledge or anyone to turn too for advice, I made triple the amount of mistakes.
I was super bitter about all the things I should have learned but was never taught. Someone let me know if this second thread ever gets started. I don't want to miss it. I could probably write for ever on this issue but my husband is getting mad that I am ignoring him.
I was super bitter about all the things I should have learned but was never taught. Someone let me know if this second thread ever gets started. I don't want to miss it. I could probably write for ever on this issue but my husband is getting mad that I am ignoring him.
ihateusernames
Gold Member
Wow, yeah, I may not feel the same about guys coming onto me, but I can see this in many other areas of my life. I totally relate to what you guys are talking about here in the last few posts. My therapy session the other day mostly focused on this topic, actually. Having gone my entire life never fully trusting a soul and feeling like there is nobody who has ever had my back. It's gotta crate a dramatically different world view from somebody who did have roll models and dependable figures in their lives.
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- #19
D
Deleted member 29899
A person is a different creation altogether when without choice, they've helplessly 'raised' themselves. I should have been raised by a 'village'. There should have been input from MANY adults in my life- parents, aunts, uncles, neighbours, teachers. Even 'just' parents.
When I see teen parents with strollers I find it very disturbing. I think to myself, what on earth do these kids have to put into this child? What can they teach this baby when they themselves have only been on this earth for a mere 15 years or so, and are in a learning and needing and developing stage themselves?
So when you look at it from that aspect, what in the hell did I have to offer myself and PARENT myself at 10 years old as I put myself to bed in an empty house or when I was 14 and no one cared if I went to school or not, what incentive did I have to even go to school or succeed at ALL when I wasn't worth anything to anyone?
Imagine all the tools and skills I haven't learned- you have to be exposed to things to learn, either first hand or by someone telling you about things about life. You can't pick up a book at 10 years old and parent yourself.
What did I learn about how to have relationships with the opposite sex? All I saw, all I had to draw from was an ugly violent disrespectful abusive relationship. I have never witnessed a healthy marriage, how people constructively solve problems and disagreements, how to love each other. What did I learn about money management? What did I learn about emotions or how to date with never any advice from anyone? Or decision making and how to have faith in myself when no one believed in me or built me up like parents should? Or a child growing up without ever being told they are loved and valued?
Did I do a good job raising a human being when I was a child? Raising a human being into adulthood with no skills and NOTHING to draw from in my memory bank? Absolutely not. There are 100 pieces of me missing. Much development missing. I am ashamed of all I don't know about life and relationships or how to handle life and decisions...
I suppose the worst of it is coming out of all that with having taught myself how to work and make money and eat and have the necessities but not having self worth, self esteem and always knowing that I had parents or a family to run to. Always the element of fear has been there- in case of emergency I'm on my own. But had I been NURTURED and PARENTED, I think it would have provided me with some self worth, faith in myself that I could have carried throughout my life. So I could have excelled or progressed in life with my peers. To not have ALWAYS had and have that element of fear that if I screw up or fall - that there is no one to catch me.
So so many pieces missing when you've not had years of input (what normally should be about 18 years) of teaching and input from adults PREPARING someone for the world out there.
It literally is like taking a toddler and putting it outside and closing the door.
Oh, except prior to that, terrorize them and show them evil, teach them fear and insecurity, make them live in fear for their life and their mother's life on a daily basis, show them disrespect and abuse, OH! And don't forget to teach them SHAME. that's alway a big one. THEN put them outside the door and lock the door. Let them fend for themselves without any skills. Let them try to somehow be a parent to themselves when they are a child and know nothing and they wear the facade that they are like everyone else but they're wearing a mask.
It's like the store fronts in old western shows. From the front it looks like a nice big pretty painted store but when you look at it from the side there is just a little store behind the big exterior.
A nice package but there's nothing inside, or not much inside.
I feel like a fraud, not a real person. I feel like I'm pretending to be whole like others, pretending to be worth something like others. Have always felt like I've been pretending through life because I have been.
Oh I can fake it real good, I'm attractive and have a home and yadayada but there is nothing inside of me. It goes no further than what you see really. My identity was never created or it was destroyed. Should have been developed with love and nurturing but wasn't. Far too many pieces missing to be like the rest of the world out there.
It seems to get worse as a person gets older but maybe that's just in my case. I don't want to discourage anyone. I know that when I've been in healthy environments before it's helped me. The loss was still there but ... Anyways I don't have a healthy environment at present. I don't have any environment and it's very difficult. It's hard to form new relationships when you're hyper aware of what you're lacking as an adult.
What should we call the new post @Fadeaway?
When I see teen parents with strollers I find it very disturbing. I think to myself, what on earth do these kids have to put into this child? What can they teach this baby when they themselves have only been on this earth for a mere 15 years or so, and are in a learning and needing and developing stage themselves?
So when you look at it from that aspect, what in the hell did I have to offer myself and PARENT myself at 10 years old as I put myself to bed in an empty house or when I was 14 and no one cared if I went to school or not, what incentive did I have to even go to school or succeed at ALL when I wasn't worth anything to anyone?
Imagine all the tools and skills I haven't learned- you have to be exposed to things to learn, either first hand or by someone telling you about things about life. You can't pick up a book at 10 years old and parent yourself.
What did I learn about how to have relationships with the opposite sex? All I saw, all I had to draw from was an ugly violent disrespectful abusive relationship. I have never witnessed a healthy marriage, how people constructively solve problems and disagreements, how to love each other. What did I learn about money management? What did I learn about emotions or how to date with never any advice from anyone? Or decision making and how to have faith in myself when no one believed in me or built me up like parents should? Or a child growing up without ever being told they are loved and valued?
Did I do a good job raising a human being when I was a child? Raising a human being into adulthood with no skills and NOTHING to draw from in my memory bank? Absolutely not. There are 100 pieces of me missing. Much development missing. I am ashamed of all I don't know about life and relationships or how to handle life and decisions...
I suppose the worst of it is coming out of all that with having taught myself how to work and make money and eat and have the necessities but not having self worth, self esteem and always knowing that I had parents or a family to run to. Always the element of fear has been there- in case of emergency I'm on my own. But had I been NURTURED and PARENTED, I think it would have provided me with some self worth, faith in myself that I could have carried throughout my life. So I could have excelled or progressed in life with my peers. To not have ALWAYS had and have that element of fear that if I screw up or fall - that there is no one to catch me.
So so many pieces missing when you've not had years of input (what normally should be about 18 years) of teaching and input from adults PREPARING someone for the world out there.
It literally is like taking a toddler and putting it outside and closing the door.
Oh, except prior to that, terrorize them and show them evil, teach them fear and insecurity, make them live in fear for their life and their mother's life on a daily basis, show them disrespect and abuse, OH! And don't forget to teach them SHAME. that's alway a big one. THEN put them outside the door and lock the door. Let them fend for themselves without any skills. Let them try to somehow be a parent to themselves when they are a child and know nothing and they wear the facade that they are like everyone else but they're wearing a mask.
It's like the store fronts in old western shows. From the front it looks like a nice big pretty painted store but when you look at it from the side there is just a little store behind the big exterior.
A nice package but there's nothing inside, or not much inside.
I feel like a fraud, not a real person. I feel like I'm pretending to be whole like others, pretending to be worth something like others. Have always felt like I've been pretending through life because I have been.
Oh I can fake it real good, I'm attractive and have a home and yadayada but there is nothing inside of me. It goes no further than what you see really. My identity was never created or it was destroyed. Should have been developed with love and nurturing but wasn't. Far too many pieces missing to be like the rest of the world out there.
It seems to get worse as a person gets older but maybe that's just in my case. I don't want to discourage anyone. I know that when I've been in healthy environments before it's helped me. The loss was still there but ... Anyways I don't have a healthy environment at present. I don't have any environment and it's very difficult. It's hard to form new relationships when you're hyper aware of what you're lacking as an adult.
What should we call the new post @Fadeaway?
@imok. Thats a good question. I am horrible with thread titles, I'll have to think on this one.
I have had this image in my head for years, despite being horrible at drawing I finally put it too paper. It's a picture of a girl about preteen age. She is sitting on the top of a very small pillar. Just large enough for her to stand or sit huddled, if she makes a misstep she will fall. On all sides of the pillar she is surrounded by a thousand foot drop into pit of spikes and flame.
The wind is blowing hard and she is having a hard time staying stabilized on the pillar and not falling. Behind her, representing the past, there is a a broken rope bridge that has fallen away. As the rope bridge was crumbling and falling apart, she somehow managed to navigate the collapsing and missing boards to make it to the pillar. Even if it hadn't fallen away completely and she could go back, the terrifying crossing is not something she would ever want to live through again.
In front of her there is a tightrope. She can't see what is on the other end, she only knows that it would lead away from her pillar. The flames under the tightrope are high and if she was to try and cross they would lick at her feet. The rope sways in the high winds, guaranteeing the high chance of her losing her balance.
She would try to cross if only there was a net. If there was a net, despite the high probability of her falling and being burned, she could climb up and try again. But there is no net, so she stays on the pillar trapped. Stuck, frozen in time. It is a miserable existence but it is safer than the alternative.
That girl is how I feel without having had parents or any form of real parenting. That is where it has left me. Mentally and emotionally stuck because the consequences are too high without any form of guidance or support.
The price I would pay to be able to pick up the phone and say, "Hey, <insert parental figure name here> I have a decision to make and I need advice." I am getting older and the likly hood of me ever finding that person is getting slimmer.
I have had this image in my head for years, despite being horrible at drawing I finally put it too paper. It's a picture of a girl about preteen age. She is sitting on the top of a very small pillar. Just large enough for her to stand or sit huddled, if she makes a misstep she will fall. On all sides of the pillar she is surrounded by a thousand foot drop into pit of spikes and flame.
The wind is blowing hard and she is having a hard time staying stabilized on the pillar and not falling. Behind her, representing the past, there is a a broken rope bridge that has fallen away. As the rope bridge was crumbling and falling apart, she somehow managed to navigate the collapsing and missing boards to make it to the pillar. Even if it hadn't fallen away completely and she could go back, the terrifying crossing is not something she would ever want to live through again.
In front of her there is a tightrope. She can't see what is on the other end, she only knows that it would lead away from her pillar. The flames under the tightrope are high and if she was to try and cross they would lick at her feet. The rope sways in the high winds, guaranteeing the high chance of her losing her balance.
She would try to cross if only there was a net. If there was a net, despite the high probability of her falling and being burned, she could climb up and try again. But there is no net, so she stays on the pillar trapped. Stuck, frozen in time. It is a miserable existence but it is safer than the alternative.
That girl is how I feel without having had parents or any form of real parenting. That is where it has left me. Mentally and emotionally stuck because the consequences are too high without any form of guidance or support.
The price I would pay to be able to pick up the phone and say, "Hey, <insert parental figure name here> I have a decision to make and I need advice." I am getting older and the likly hood of me ever finding that person is getting slimmer.
- Post starter
- #21
D
Deleted member 29899
Yep. Totally agree. Except I never thought I'd find parents. I wish I would have went on a mission trying to find surrogates. I had some sick loyalty to mommy dearest though. As my siblings were searching for parents I remained a mental hostage of mommy dearest and being 'close' to her was an absolute guarantee of no personal growth in any area.
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- #22
D
Deleted member 1860
Its disgusting.
I get more married men hitting on me than single men. WTF gives!?!?
I can't find a date with a single guy to save my life, but I could have my friggin' choice of affairs! SMH.
It makes me want to puke.
I get more married men hitting on me than single men. WTF gives!?!?
I can't find a date with a single guy to save my life, but I could have my friggin' choice of affairs! SMH.
It makes me want to puke.
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- #23
D
Deleted member 29899
Me too. I loathe lack of integrity, liars.
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