feel useless in dealing with this

[yellow rose]

Really bad day again starting to think I am useless when it comes to dealing with this trauma stuff. felt dissociated quite a few times and been feeling i keep noticing i am angry and feeling i am not here at all.
just been upset again for the third time crying getting a bit angry wanting to be by myself because of how strange i feel
i then thought ok ill do some yoga for anxiety to help myself
yet i am still sitting here feeling like it isnt me, despite me knowing it is me, and that I am me. I feel disturbed and now my arms are feeling a bit numb and I feel un real. So much mental pain I have felt today
Really feel so useless right now
:(

 

[Chris-duck]

You're not useless. I think sometimes we just end up in an "I want it fixed now!" spiral. It's real shit to deal with. Just try keep yourself grounded for now. You'll get there

 

[yellow rose]

I do want it fixed now :'(
and now my sister looks like a stranger and I feel like crying again
i feel like a freak

 

[Chris-duck]

You're not a freak. And I totally get the wanting it fixed now thing. You got things that usually help ground you?

 

[yellow rose]

yes but sometimes I forget to do them when I need them
I do yoga sometimes I use eft tapping on myself sometimes.
Sometimes i meditate
But I just did yoga and i am still sitting here feeling like a stranger to myself
its dinner time and my sister looks like a stranger
I feel I am being punished sometimes with all this
because even when I try and I still have to hurt I wonder why

 

[Chris-duck]

It's not your fault that things are still shit. It is unfair that we are left to pick up the pieces. But maybe take a bit and try some yoga or eft tapping and see if it helps?

 

[yellow rose]

yeah i guess
I think the yoga helped a little
But I just feel strange and not like myself
I guess that cant be helped with dissociation but it doesnt make it any easier

 

[yellow rose]

I still feel like crying all this makes me feel depressed