Feeling aggressive

[Pale Mpress Kitty]

So, I don't really know what to do or how to help myself and our dog Arthur.

Ever since I got pregnant Arthur has stopped listening to our commands and is generally being extremely naughty. We've been home for 3 and half weeks now with baby, and Arthur is even worse. He's also got an ear and skin infection from allergies I'm trying to treat by giving him medoication morning, lunch, and afternoon. This was difficult enough for me before getting pregnant and taking meds, let alone now being a first time mum with a 1month old and just being able to take my meds again.

My problem is, is that I never really wanted Arthur in the first place and have been disheartened and annoyed at how expensive he is with his recurring ear infection (he's costing us $500+ NZD a month).

Now I'm finding myself feeling very aggressive towards him and am finding myself hitting him when he does bad things. Like earlier (10min ago) he looked at me then actively walked into the kitchen (his no-go space since he was a puppy) and helped himself to food from on the bench. Food he's allergic to. I heard and watched him go in, annd followed him, so when he gulped down the food I slapped his rump hard enough my hand stung and dragged him by the collar to his crate, threw him in, and slammed the crate door shut before kicking it in anger twice.

And to top it all off, I had 2 fairly lucid dreams of poisoning/killing him because I can't deal with his shitty behaviour and a newborn at home alone. He's too strong for me to take for walks and he pulls. He's stealing food from the kitchen, pantry, and the cat's food which makes trying to fix his ear and skin infection pointless. I'm just at my wits end and really REALLY don't like feeling aggressive towards my dog.

I'm concerned and terrified that I might actually do something worse to him than hit him or that I might turn to do this to my son.

UPDATE from OP, POST #11:

I've been chatting to my parents about it today. My mum has just has just driven 3 hours to come get him today until the end of the week! So I have at least 5 days dog-free. Maybe when my meds have kicked in properly and I've had a few days to bond with baby unhindered I will feel differently about Arthur and our situation, but at least the stress has been reduced for a wee while.

ADMIN NOTE: Read the whole thread before commenting. Focus on the OP.

Unlocking.

 

[Kubash16]

Do you have another adult in the home who can take responsibility for him while you get adjusted?

How long have you been back on meds? Do you need adjustment on those?

Is there another adult who can take responsibility for your child every so often while you take the time to bond with Arthur?

He’s stressed and responding to your stress and creating a cycle that’s only going to break when you are able to reduce your stress.

Is there someone who can temporarily take him in while you get adjusted with meds and more comfortable with being a new mother and feel able to take him back?

 

[Pale Mpress Kitty]

I'm home alone with baby and dog during the day. Husband goes to work at 6am (Bubs morning feed) and doesnt get home until about 6pm in time for dinner. We can't afford to get Arthur to a kennel or get Beorn to daycare/a sitter. We're living on shoe strings at the moment to make sure that Beorn has enough nappies and Arthur has his medications (and back-paying vet bills too).

I've been on my meds again for a little over a week and have been on full dose for 5 days.

I've tried everything I can to help Arthur with his stress and nothing seems to be working. Even the things that have worked in the past are not working. :(

 

[Kubash16]

He feels your stress. That’s all it is.

Take a deep breath, it’s going to be okay.

Does anyone live near you, family? Close friends? That can maybe take him in temporarily?

This goes against everything in me to suggest this and I feel like a total hypocrite because I’ve judged people who do this. But, given your financial situation, would you be willing to let him go to a shelter or new home permanently?

If that’s a no, is there a way you can work out with your hubby that when he’s home on his days off, he takes Arthur to a dog park for a good couple hours to reduce both your and Arthur’s stress? Or the reverse, hubby take baby for a while so that you can take Arthur to a dog park? (This way he can run without a leash and you don’t have to struggle with walking him.)

 

[Gs172003]

So, I don't really know what to do or how to help myself and our dog Arthur.

Ever since I got pregnant Arthur has stopped listening to our commands and is generally being extremely naughty. We've been home for 3 and half weeks now with baby, and Arthur is even worse. He's also got an ear and skin infection from allergies I'm trying to treat by giving him medoication morning, lunch, and afternoon. This was difficult enough for me before getting pregnant and taking meds, let alone now being a first time mum with a 1month old and just being able to take my meds again.

My problem is, is that I never really wanted Arthur in the first place and have been disheartened and annoyed at how expensive he is with his recurring ear infection (he's costing us $500+ NZD a month).

Now I'm finding myself feeling very aggressive towards him and am finding myself hitting him when he does bad things. Like earlier (10min ago) he looked at me then actively walked into the kitchen (his no-go space since he was a puppy) and helped himself to food from on the bench. Food he's allergic to. I heard and watched him go in, annd followed him, so when he gulped down the food I slapped his rump hard enough my hand stung and dragged him by the collar to his crate, threw him in, and slammed the crate door shut before kicking it in anger twice.

And to top it all off, I had 2 fairly lucid dreams of poisoning/killing him because I can't deal with his shitty behaviour and a newborn at home alone. He's too strong for me to take for walks and he pulls. He's stealing food from the kitchen, pantry, and the cat's food which makes trying to fix his ear and skin infection pointless. I'm just at my wits end and really REALLY don't like feeling aggressive towards my dog.

I'm concerned and terrified that I might actually do something worse to him than hit him or that I might turn to do this to my son.

Can you afford a trainer or obedience classes? If it's just behavior issues that can be a godsend.

 

[ladee]

Can you re-home him?? But your baby comes first. And it is extremely exhausting and stressful with a newborn. Dogs pick up or stress and react to it many times. It's just not the right time for a doggo in the house. The new baby and you getting back on your meds is the priority.

Is there any rescue organizations you can contact and tell them the situation and help to make sure he goes to a good home?? I truly hope you can find a solution that is best for all of you. You don't need this when you don't have time or energy for an unruly pet.

 

[Deanna]

He knows you don't like him. He's acting out and not very happy. I would find him a new home but as you said he has allergies. Not everyone is going to be happy with the bills. Can you walk him and put the baby in the stroller? Are you physically able? His main problem is, he is very bored.

 

[Sideways]

I don’t suppose your vet has unknowingly made everything that much harder by prescribing him steroid meds for his allergies? That’s common, and definitely it would be contributing.

Arthur obviously knows something’s up. And it sounds like this situation is getting potentially really dangerous. Having hit Arthur, that changes boundaries for both of you big time. And shifting boundaries and having a stressed dog (potentially also on steroids)? Spells disaster.

While constant monitoring is good (albeit impossibly demanding on your time), you’re potentially looking at a situation where Arthur needs to stay physically separated from bub for bub’s safety. Babies, and stressed dogs? Are both incredibly unpredictable, and a super dangerous mix.

To be absolutely clear on that point: the 2 of them need to not be able to access each other at all, regardless of whether you’re watching. The family pet is the most likely dog in your neighbourhood to attack a baby, so if you wouldn’t let someone else’s unpredictable stressed out dog near your bub? Be even more particular when it comes to keeping baby and Arthur completely separated from each other until a trained specialist has inspected the situation in person and told you the 2 are safe together (which sounds like unlikely advice at this point).

If it were the case that you and Arthur were best buds, it would be worth investing in having an animal behaviour specialist visit to see the situation first hand. Even with short videos, this stuff is really too complex to give safe and reliable advice about solutions via internet.

But let’s put all that aside and be real for a moment: everyone in this household is currently under immense stress, and you’ve hit breaking point with your dog and hit him. Don’t put yourself through this. Don’t put Arthur through this. And don’t risk your baby’s safety. Find a local shelter or the RSPCA or get online via FB or whatever and find Arthur a new home where they’re gonna have the time and money (and reduced stress levels that come with a newborn) to love him and make him family.

Yes, that’s incredibly stressful for a dog. But it’s not as bad as being hit. And it’s definitely not nearly as bad as bub coming to harm because the situation has become unsafe and unpredictable. Sometimes rehoming is the best thing for all involved, even if it is a shitty option.

And perhaps don’t get another pet for a while - a newborn is more than enough!!!!

 

[Deanna]

it were the case that you and Arthur were best buds, it would be worth investing in having an animal behaviour specialist visit to see the situation first hand. Even with short videos, this stuff is really too complex to give safe and reliable advice about solutions via internet.

I don't think they have the money for a behaviour specialist. She said money was very tight, although i like your idea of a new home for him

 

[Sideways]

I don't think they have the money for a behaviour specialist.

Totally.

But that’s the sort of level of professional assistance that I think it would take to render the situation safe for all involved. Obedience training was suggested earlier i the thread, and is a whole heap cheaper, but isn’t likely to fundamentally change the problem dynamics at play in this situation. I personally think that the description given warrants require in-home visits from a professional given the safety issues at stake.

And since most dog owners can’t afford that (let alone a first-time mum?), rehoming looks like the most practical, safe option available (even though it’s a shitty option).

 

[Pale Mpress Kitty]

I'd like to be able to afford to get him specialist help, but that's just not in our budget right now. I have got a lot of experience with dogs and dog training myself, and have been talking to a lot of dog trainers in our city but none of the methods we have tried seem to have made a dent. :( I think Arthur's stress is predominantly this feeling like he has to protect us/the house which he doesn't need to do - lots of barking at people walking past, doing laps of the yard to check on everything, etc - with some self-rewarding behaviours mixed in. HE doesn't understand that he's allergic to some meats and that some food is poisonous to him, he just smells something delicious and rewards himself for being a good boy for protecting us.

I can definitely see Arthur is very extremely stressed out which in turn makes me stressed because I only want the best for him. I also know that although I like Arthur a lot, I'm not in love with him like my husband is so I'd be satisfied with rehoming Arthur if we could. I think we have some friends who may even be willing to take him on - including the owner of his mother and the owner of his father. I can see it would be incredibly difficult to convince my husband to rehome Arthur, because Arthur does wonders for his mental health even if it's not so good for mine right now.

I think the key stressors in my life right now are Arthur's misbehaviour, the vet bills putting a HUGE strain on our finances, and the fact that I'm dealing with a 1 month old by myself. Beorn is an incredibly easy baby in that he doesn't cry and is generally quite happy and gurgly.

I don’t suppose your vet has unknowingly made everything that much harder by prescribing him steroid meds for his allergies? That’s common, and definitely it would be contributing.

Yes, he has steroids but we've stopped giving them to him a few days ago because they upset his stomach.

While constant monitoring is good (albeit impossibly demanding on your time), you’re potentially looking at a situation where Arthur needs to stay physically separated from bub for bub’s safety. Babies, and stressed dogs? Are both incredibly unpredictable, and a super dangerous mix.

Arthur and Beorn are NEVER alone together. Arthur's not even allowed within a meter of the baby and is certainly not allowed in baby's room. When baby is sleeping I've been playing with and cuddling Arthur so he gets some time with me all to himself.


I've been chatting to my parents about it today. My mum has just has just driven 3 hours to come get him today until the end of the week! So I have at least 5 days dog-free. Maybe when my meds have kicked in properly and I've had a few days to bond with baby unhindered I will feel differently about Arthur and our situation, but at least the stress has been reduced for a wee while.

 

[Justmehere]

Dog on steroids plus super exhausted new momma sounds like a doozy of a situation! Then add in all the other stressors you are facing... I’m glad your mum has come to get him for a bit.

If he’s able to get off the steroids for good and as they flush out of his system, that may help the behavior quite a bit. Also, more exercise can help tire him out to not have so much energy to spend getting into things. Dog/baby gates can also be helpful as dog and toddler get older. They may not be close to each other now, but a year from now, that will be harder to manage.

Does your husband know how much you are struggling with dog and baby together? Dogs that get hit are more likely to bite back and eventually a young child that will poke the dog... it is not a good combo. You and your H might want to figure out plans now together as much as possible on how to navigate this so everyone (you, baby, dog) is as least stressed as possible. Can the dog go with him to work by any chance? (Where I live that is a weirdly overly common option for pets to go to work with owners.)

I hope this break helps you re-set. (And congrats on the new little one!)