Feeling Anxious And Stupid.

[Cheshire]

I've just been speaking with my partner about the psychiatrist appointment I have booked for late in April and about how positive I'm feeling now that I've taken that step towards getting more help. We were discussing how since "the incident", I've had many ups and downs but I've seemed to be coping reasonably well, until recently, and as a result of that "coping", I haven't been seeing my GP or my original psychologist.

With a trial potentially coming up and then compensation claims after that, he's stated his concerns that because I haven't been constantly visiting doctors and psychs, that I may have damaged any chance I have at compensation and made things more complicated and difficult for myself. I told him that at the time I felt that I could manage things on my own and that I didn't feel like I needed to be reporting to those people just for the sake of having things on record, because it seemed as though ultimately it would stress me more than necessary and make my symptoms worse.

I'm now feeling really about all of this though because he may be right. He worries that because I haven't reported things previously that when it comes to time for the trial and the compensation claim, defense lawyers will be able to turn around and raise doubts on the effect all of this has had on me and question my sincerity. I'm really freaking out about the fact that there will be a trial in the first place and now this has just amped that panic right up.

I said to him that I can't change anything that I've done, or not done, now, but that I'm making steps towards changing that now. I tried to get him to understand that I didn't want to feel like I was doing it just for the sake of reporting and getting things on paper and that at the time I thought I was doing the right thing for myself, but now I just feel really stupid, like I've done completely the wrong thing and I can't change it. ARGH!

Anyway.. I really just needed to vent. I can't talk to him about it because it seems like we just talk in circles about it, I try to explain to him why I did what I did and he says, "I just worry etc etc." I just feel really dumb right now, and really frantic. Ergh.

 

[intothelight]

Hi Cheshire,

Trials can cause a lot of anxiety in and of themselves. I have no idea what your case involves, but it may be good to mention any pertinent information to the party that is representing you. Let them do their job and that should relieve some of the anxiety.

It is fantastic that you are working on dealing with your symptoms.

Wishing you peace.

Debbie

 

[Reclusive]

Cheshire - I'm so sorry you're having so much anxiety! You cannot change the past, though, you can only go forward. Have you contacted your representative to see if you should be doing anything at all or what they're opinion is? Getting some experienced advice may help, hopefully. Also, it's your representative's job to make sure things like this are covered and I'm sure if they didn't have all the medical evidence they needed, they would have contacted you or your doctors already.

 

[Cheshire]

Thanks for your replies, Intothelight and Reclusive. I've contacted the person representing me now and talked everything through, and they've reassured me that they have all the medical information they require and that anything else that comes now is helpful but not required.

More than anything now I'm just set on seeing a psychiatrist and getting some treatment plans in place. I feel totally lost and adrift, and it's scaring me. I've also just had a call from the psychiatric centre I'm booked with and they've just informed me that they need to change my appointment to the middle of May instead. Seven weeks away! Argh! I can't wait that long.. this is crazy.

 

[Ian Vp]

Cheshire,
I have been involved in prosecutions in Australia and while I can appreciate you are now doubting your actions, dont. I have always told any witness that there is no one way to deal with things and that you have to be comfortable about what is happening in your matter. There are some procedural things that you cannot change but just make sure to are aware of what stage in the process you are at. Keep in good contact with the Police Informant in the matter.

In regards to you not seeing a psycologist or similar I dont think it is a major concern. For the defense to pursue this line of argument they immediatey put "the reasonable man" off side. There is no formula for treating the symptoms of PTSD as a victim of crime. Now this is branching out of my area of expertese but my understanding is that it is not unusual for there to be a delay between the event happening and for you to be acutely aware that you need some assistance.

First things first, the trial. The scumbag will have the ability to plead guilty or not guilty. If the offender pleads guilty the process will be quicker and better for you. Even in that instance there may be points that are in disagreement between the prosection and defense and you may be requried to give evidence and be cross examined by defense. The prosection is there for you and should protect you from any agressive tactics. There will in this case not be a full trial and the next possible time you will be required to say anything is on sentencing. This is where they determine the severity of the crime and the effect it has had on you personly. In my belief the defense would be foolish to pursue you in relation to when you first started to seek help. As long as you are now seeing someone and they can give evidence as to treatment and what inpact the incident has had on you then it should be fine.

If the matter is contested and the offender pleads not guilty then every witness will have to give evidence. You will be lead through your evidence by the prosecution and you will not have to commit every detail to memory. All I can say is only say what you remember. If you do that you will neve get tripped up by the defense in court, after all you were there and you just have o tell your story to the best of your ability.You would then still have to go through the sentenceing process and posibly give evidence.

After either of these things happen then the civil process begins which is where your solicitor will be seeking compensation for your pain and suffering.

So dont be so hard on yourself. You have not done the wrong thing. You have done that best suits you and no one can blame you for that. I am slowly begging to realise that 12 years of seeing things the ordinary person does not has affected me greatly and it took me to completely break down to come to this realisation. No one has asked why I didn't seek help earlier they are just amazed that your body can hold out that long. I wish you all the best.