Feeling Disconnected: Why Does Writing Not Help?

[chihayafuru]

Explaining but not processing. I seem to often write about things and don't really feel anything so I think it's processed but then later I'll think about it and feel really upset. It's like part of my brain wants to process so I think about things and write about it but then part of my brain won't process it and I don't understand why this happens?

 

[Sideways]

I think quite a lot of people start their recovery journey thinking that trauma recovery is all about talking about our traumatic experience.

Actually, a lot of recovery work isn’t about that at all. But when we are processing specific traumatic memories, we’re trying to change the way that our brain has stored those memories.

That’s where trauma therapists come in - they’re trained in how to do that. It’s not just about talking it through, it’s talking about it in a specific way, to change the way our brain is storing the information.

Simply going over and over traumatic memories can actually be retraumatising.

 

[chihayafuru]

@Sideways how do you talk about it in a different way? (i can't see a therapist, having to use what i can)

just went and read bits of Guidance for using a trauma diary for exposure therapy (cbt)
but i just don't feel anything most of the time when writing, then sometimes i do get upset so how can it work if often i'm not feeling anything and it's just like i'm writing a story

 

[arfie]

I seem to often write about things and don't really feel anything so I think it's processed but then later I'll think about it and feel really upset.

this is normal-for-me. i am fairly technical when i am writing --whatever i am writing. i pretty much stick to the facts.

the emotional processing comes later, after i have stopped worrying the facts and the grammar.

 

[chihayafuru]

this is normal-for-me. i am fairly technical when i am writing

the emotional processing comes later

So how do you emotionally process if writing doesn't work?

Sometimes like right now, I get angry with myself cause I feel like what happened shouldn't matter and I shouldn't even be thinking about it

 

[OliveJewel]

how do you emotionally process if writing doesn't work?

I’d be curious to know what Dr. Catalyst or Pi have to say…

 

[arfie]

So how do you emotionally process if writing doesn't work?

the writing DOES work. it just takes time. writing it out helps me focus the issues so that i can process them in a more cohesive manner. without the focus, i'm just wading through cesspools and/or randomly stuffing emotions.

be gentle with yourself and patient with the process.

 

[Charbella]

I write out all of my memories before I work on them with my T. I do EMDR with my T but my T suggested if I’m going to be processing memories anyway (the act of writing) then I should try EMDR with it. I found bilateral tones

it’s the only way I can write and do it. You have to use headphones, it sounds in opposing ears. There are others but they all have sound tracks and I found this one the most soothing.

I noticed that when I started using the tones it took me a lot longer to get the memory on paper because there was more thought going into it. More imagery, more emotions. That being said I don’t know how advisable it is based on the fact that you don’t have a therapist to follow up with. So ask yourself, if all the emotions come, what coping mechanisms do you have in place? Do you have a person you trust that you could talk to? Are you ready for it to possibly cause a flood of memories?

Personally I wouldn’t be that brave without back up. The support here is wonderful, for me I need here and my T.

 

[Friday]

I’ve never known doing anything once, in one way, to confer any kind of mastery / resolution… on anything. So why would trauma be any different?

The things I’ve TRULY processed? Every single facet, in dozens of ways, hundreds -maybe thousands- of times.

Which isn’t to say that some things, some times, are not catalystic. There’s a very recognisable moment where something just… settles. Comes right. That happens, too. Sometimes as simple as sitting next to them. Sometimes? More deliberate, or more complicated. Like a key in a lock. But most things? Are more complicated.

 

[chihayafuru]

@Charbella I've listened to bilateral tones before but not while writing anything, it didn't cause any emotions or memories then

@Charbella I wrote with a pen in my physical English journal (not my language learning ones) whilst listening to bilateral tones and no emotions came up. I was gripping my pen really tightly though and I kept trying to loosen my grip a bit but I couldn't.

 

[enough]

writing and editing the writing afterwords helps me to get a better understanding of the events. I took some journalism in college, I try to apply the same standards my professors would have used to grade my scrawlings about my traumatic events. For me, being concise and trying to apply the who, what , where, when guidelines helps me get to the why, somehow.
If just writing to yourself helps then why stop? Some people (me included) get a lot out of drawing, painting, singing, all sorts of other ways to get the feelings out without having any other goals beyond the purge and that's definitely a part of it all that works for a lot of people like us.
When writing it out I try to be as expository as possible, I try to make it read like a very short and factual, clear and understandable brief on the subject. There are a lot of thoughts that don't get to the final draft, but somehow deciding what to leave in and what to leave out makes me look at the real core ideas quite a bit harder and that's my goal in writing it down in the first place.
I think in ideas without words attached to the feelings, I tell the story as my brain sorts out the vocabulary to use, I write with the intent to sort those words to make it all as clear and applicable to the feelings that started the whole process as possible.
This all takes practice, and trying lots of approaches to find the stuff that works is the first step for anyone. Keep trying, it is the only thing that you can do if you want to get better at it.

 

[Charbella]

@Charbella I wrote with a pen in my physical English journal (not my language learning ones) whilst listening to bilateral tones and no emotions came up. I was gripping my pen really tightly though and I kept trying to loosen my grip a bit but I couldn't.

Have you considered you may not be ready?

How in touch with your emotions are you on the day to day? I couldn’t name a feeling for a million dollars, okay I could but knowing I was having one…not unless anger showed. My T and I worked with getting in touch with my feelings before anything happened with reprocessing.

Have you read much about trauma? I’ve read so many articles and so many books in the last two years. It helped me understand my brain a bit. It’s hard to train your mind to let down your defenses long enough to let the emotions in. Sometimes for me that’s maybe 10 seconds of letting them in. Sometimes I can make it a few minutes, then break and go for more.

I know you’re hoping for that one thing that you can just do and it will get better. If you read the journals here you’ll see it’s not. It’s a million things at different times and in different ways. Maybe instead of trying to reprocess you should look for a social group, some real human interaction.