Feeling Guilty For Seeking Help

[blackdove]

Hi Trapped. how are you? I am here on and off. Send me a private message if you want to get in touch. Am sooooooo glad that new therapist is calling you. That's what mine gets me to do too. I text her if I have a problem and if it's an emergency then I call so she has my name in her phone. Makes me feel safe. Hope you are ok. I know we've never met but no-family is something I can really relate to and you will get stronger for sure. Keep well!

 

[trapped]

Thanks everyone... sorry I didn't respond to the questions of how I did with the fireworks sooner- it's been tough recovering from last weekend! I didn't do so well. Apparently talked to my therapist (the new one), her supervisor, and several friends on the phone multiple times. I don't remember it. Apparently was up until around 4 or 5am at least that night- don't remember that. I was fully dissociated for 2 or 3 days after the fireworks started going off :( It's scary to have that long of a period of time where you can't remember ANYTHING. It's taken me up until the past day or so to really feel recovered from that- and then Friday the subject of my fiance who killed himself several years ago came up in therapy... which made this weekend kinda tough. I've found that swimming helps stop the dissociation for me though, something about diving into the cold water sort of brings me back into reality, it helps with the anxiety and flashbacks too, so I've been allowing myself to swim multiple times a day if needed. At first I felt bad about it, like I didn't deserve that. Also worried about others seeing me going swimming if I went out more than twice in a day, I was afraid they'd say something like "didn't you just go swimming an hour or two ago?" but they haven't, plus my roommates know I'm giving swim lessons, so I guess they figure I go out to swim so often because I'm doing that or something.

 

[BethRSA]

Hi Trapped!

I'm glad you found a good, safe-for-you way to come back to reality. Swimming. I love to swim, so maybe I'll try it.

Sorry to hear how hard last weekend was. Glad you're feeling a bit better now.