Feeling guilty for not wanting to live

[AngelKeeperJ]

So many people fight cancer and other terminal illnesses and yet I would be happy to escape this world and let someone else live instead…
I know these are thought distortions but that knowledge doesn’t help how I feel…I am just so tired of the mental pain and torture.
I will be ok…it just feels so crappy…

 

[Lost in the Woods]

I have passive ideation a few times a month. I feel no guilt over it. It is just me and where I am at right now.

 

[Midnightmoon]

Really understand this feeling, I survived being told I was imminently dying, twice. The guilt that exists in me when I admit that I'd of preferred to have not been 'saved' is awful. I wish I could 'body donate' any organs etc of any use and then be thrown in medical waste job done. No wise words of how to get out of it but sitting with you in solidarity

 

[shimmerz]

I know these are thought distortions but that knowledge doesn’t help how I feel…I am just so tired of the mental pain and torture.

Not certain that being tired of mental pain and torture and wanting it to end is a distortion. I have had my time of this. For me it was an overwhelming feeling that washed over me. So tired.... I am sorry @AngelKeeperJ that you are feeling this way. I am hoping this eases for you.

 

[parrotthepolly]

Sorry to hear you're feeling this way, we all have these kinds of thoughts sometimes so it's better to let them pass no matter how intense they get, they always fade away.

I still feel guilty over a tuxedo cat I know dying which was out of my control but sometimes I wish they had taken me instead since he was so innocent and a kind soul. Never met any other cat I had such a deep connection with.

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

Thank you all for your kind and supportive words! I appreciate every word of understanding and empathy.
I am feeling better and am more able to control my thoughts which in turn, controls my emotions.
The intrusive thoughts wear me down sometimes but I know from past experience that these feelings will pass.
Blessings to each one of you

 

[RVA21]

So many people fight cancer and other terminal illnesses and yet I would be happy to escape this world and let someone else live instead…

Totally get this. Have often wished / wondered why / can I not get something terminal like that instead. Here I am hating being alive when there's others suffering knowing they'll die and are desperate to stay. It's very messed up. World is upside down.

 

[Muttly]

I guess I've gone full circle. There was a time where I wished strongly that I was dead. I am not amazed I survived the years of chronic suicide idiation and self-harm. I definitely felt guilt. Mine was more about all the people I know who didn't survive. Here I was not wanting to be alive and yet I'd lost people to mental health issues and health issues.

 

[SometimesIAskWhy]

To the OP and others who relate, I feel you. I'm feeling pretty low/sad/glum the past few days and last night while crying was also thinking, why am I so sad, when other people out there are dying or dealing with violence or natural disasters or other terrible things. But I guess, yeah. Maybe we're still allowed to feel bad sometimes for whatever crap lead us to this depression and whatever else now.