Feeling guilty for taking space and time for myself

[abovedown]

Does anyone else feel like that enforcing boundaries and/or taking time to for yourself makes you feel guilty? I still care about my friends and amily but I feel that sometimes I don't have enough energy/time to answer them immediately and I look their social media postings when I have the energy and time for it. They have my number and I will check my phone and sms messages regularly. I just sometimes feel a bit overwhelmed to check social media and/or let's say news

 

[arfie]

posilutely, boundaries and self-care set my guilt demons to snarling, every time. the good news is that i'm getting better at disregarding their insistent snarls that any thought for myself is selfish and "unattractive." i fully see and understand that boundaries are a vital part of healthy relationships and self-care gives me more care to give, but those psycho demons are ? ? ? psychotic? and worthy of conscientious disregard.

for what it's worth
i take media fasts when i start to the whelming of tech demands. it helps clear the thoughts and get in touch with my strictly personal center.

 

[Tinyflame]

Oh I'd definitely limit the news @abovedown , as rarely is anything positive covered. Especially if you are run down and exhausted.

I find it hard with boundaries too, but they are critical, and make for happier times and health. Idk if you are similar to me. Do you feel like you're letting people down, or that you already do let them down and don't want to add to it? Or feel 'the moment' has to be a 'yes', even if there are many moments? Or feel obligated (eg work).

I think one thing for sure, it won't change relationships except for the better (provided you communicate). But anyone who doesn't respect them if they know better and doesn't like that, isn't thinking of what you need- and that's 1/2 of the equation and isn't much aware of your needs if not. It is not selfish. The oxygen mask 1st is because otherwise you'd pass out.

Hope you get a break and rejuvenate. Plus self care. Hugs to you.

 

[Tinyflame]

PS Sorry I missed the edit, was thinking this is only the 2nd or 3rd Rememberance Day (out here) I ever missed. Not blaming anyone at all, but it reminds me that not setting boundaries (also in the sense of prioritizing needs) let's myself/ ourselves down too. The balance , care and respect are necessary.

Not sure if that helps.

 

[abovedown]

Thank you @Tinyflame

 

[Friday]

I don’t just feel guilty… I AM guilty.

Once that settles? The feelings of guilt go bye-bye.

Yep! This is something I have chosen to do! I AM guilty of taking time for myself. As. I. Should. Be. As I have decided to do.

It’s my decision to do so, and it’s the right decision.

I’m also guilty of looking both ways before crossing the street, washing my hands after using the loo, getting dressed before going outside, drinking water, etc. etc. etc. etc. <<< Why add these? Because FEELING guilty, is really an extension of feeling “in the wrong”… halted. Before it can get to the judgement stage.

So it (the feeling) can happily sit in swirling ickyness by never progressing past a totally reasonable assignation guilt/fault/responsibility (MINE! 100% MINE!) into making a judgment about whether the decision I’ve made & actions I’ve taken are right/wrong.

So I smack it upside the top of the head with 10,000 other things that are ALSO 100% MINE, MY DECISION TO MAKE & ACTIONS TO TAKE… with the same judgment attached (the right thing to do, for the right reasons).

Instead of in the nauseating half-place of “yes, I’ve done it” without the resolution of how I feel about it (proud, happy, ambivalent, conflicted, regretful, remorseful, shattered).

Now… Sometimes? It won’t be the right thing for the right reasons, but the wrong thing for the right reasons, or the right thing for the wrong reasons, or flat out wrong no matter which way you look at it, but I’m still choosing to do it. And? No matter where it falls on that spectrum? I may feel proud of doing the wrong thing, or shattered about doing the right thing, or anything in between.

 

[Freddyt]

I learned long ago that my phone was for my convenience - not everyone for everyone else.
Put it down, put it away, drop out of that "I have to have instant contact" and obsessive use of the thing. You can live without it. Even be more happy without it.

When something stresses you - think about how much you really need it. If you don't, work on cutting it out. Change the sounds on your phone and turn off notifications for social media. I never thought of it that way until I realized my mobile phone ringtone? Rings two to three times faster than the ring sound from the phone company when I call someone.....It's designed to get and hold your attention, to demand your time and focus. Quiet or simple ringtones, or removing notifications unless they are urgent is a great start.

Start cutting back to what directly affects you, learn to answer only what you need to and you will soon find it's mostly fluff and stuff you don't need and are better off without.

 

[abovedown]

I haven't been writing for a while. I got contact with a therapist and that has been helpful. I have both better and then worse days. Often news lately all over the world have been scary abd that affects my wellbeing. Some stress also in work but compared to my main theme of anxiety it doesn't feel that much. I try to follow less news but total ban seems to be too hard for me rn.

I listened a podcast relating to anxiety and ocd for a whole ago and a therapist used a term 'gravity' describing how ocd uses anxiety to pull person's thoughts to gravitate on the 'chosen' topic. He told an anecdote in which he had had four customer suffering from ocd (maybe pstd too?) in New Work on 9/11. 3 of the four patients did not even mention the terrorist attack which tells how much trauma can person's thinking.

How are people here?