Feeling Helpless... Ptsd In My Fiance

[Jessica Godfrey]

Hi I'm not sure where to go or who to talk to.

My fiance of a year and I are "taking a break". Here is the thing I really do love him I believe I do, I love the man I met. We have been together almost four years, in that time we gained full custody of his son because the son's mother molested him, I have two children from other relationships and we all moved into my fiance's house.

My fiance has been out of the military for five years now and has just been diagnosed with PTSD. I understand this is a real and powerful disorder, but what if it never gets better?

My 10 year old daughter and my fiance do not get a long all the time and each one of them tends to only remember the bad times between the two of them. They have both entered counseling but at the moment my kids and I are staying at my aunts which is terrible in itself because it causes a crazy commute financial burdens and I feel displaced. He cant handle the stress of my kids I cant handle the stress in the house but he doesn't want me to buy my own place. I am so confused.

We agreed to talk to a counselor and see what they have to say, but I am hurting by his inability to feel. He says he wants to feel but he just doesn't and it would be easier to just turn his back on all this but he is trying not to. I feel like I have to protect myself and my kids.

Anyone have anything like this happen with them??

 

[Lil Red Robin Hood]

Welcome to the forum

I will start by saying that I have not had anything like this in particular happen, but I hope I can help a little. I'm fairly new on here compared to others, but I know there is a section for carers of those with PTSD. I believe you might find articles there helpful, along with reading other posts.

There are a lot of great people here I'm sure you will meet, and they may be more able to help you. I am not a carer, I have PTSD. I think it is very good that he has entered counseling. A trauma therapist can help a lot when learning to deal with PTSD.

You say he feels it would be easier to turn his back but he is trying not to, I think this could be a good sign. You say he feels like he is unable to feel, I have heard of others working through this on this site. I don't believe he is doing this to hurt you. I think talking to a T together is a great idea. Are you going to join in on one of his sessions with his T or will this just be for the two of you?

I am sorry you are feeling so lost. I wish I could give you some great piece of advice. Know that you can talk to people here about how you are feeling, and that others here will understand what you are going through.

Robin

 

[Brontie]

Jessica Godfrey,

Welcome!

I hope you are trying to discover why your daughter dosen't like your partner.

 

[Marie E.]

Welcome to the Forum Jessica!

 

[Jessica Godfrey]

Jessica Godfrey,

Welcome!

I hope you are trying to discover why your daughter dosen't like your partner.

- She doesn't like how much he yells and feels he treats his son better.

 

[Brontie]

Thanks for your response. It’s a pity but it seems to be a sign of the times today with extended families. I have a grandson living with me because he began to feel more and more pushed out and became very unhappy when his dad (my son) remarried and had another two little boys.

Is your guy aware of how your daughter feels? It’s sad but hopefully she will come to some understanding about the situation as she gets older.

Meantime, maybe having a talk with him might help. And maybe you could do something to restore some balance. I hope things work out for you. The kids grow up so fast.

 

[amethist]

My youngest daughter hated my husband when we first got together Jessica.

That was almost 11 years ago now, and she was 16 at the time, maybe that age to be awkward any way. Now she will do almost anything for him and us, she even spent the day with him when I had minor surgery not long ago. OK he did not have PTSD then, (that came a few years later). But the change in her is amazing, even her partner gets on well with him.

Could it be that he is not really sure how to treat girls, some men who have sons, then meet someone with a young girl, do find the adaptation difficult, even without PTSD.

Could there also be a bit of jealousy from your daughter too, as sharing mum is not always easy if it has just been you and the kids. Then throw in your fiance's PTSD on top, maybe not a good mix for now.

If you can all work on it together, with a lot of give and take from all sides, you could end up with a wonderful caring family. As he works on his PTSD and your kids can see he is trying to deal with it all, maybe they will also see some of what you see in him.

Take care and hard as it is, keep going.

Amethist