General Feeling hopeless

[Never_falter2]

Recenty I have been feeling a bit hopeless. Not only about my Vet, but also about other things in my life that I cannot change (or so I think) but can only react to.
I know that this feeling is not good and that it is better to “fight“ and go on instead of whine but... it feels like I am walking in the darkness... by darkness I do not mean despair. I mean it more literally... like walking down a path in pitch darkness and you cannot see if you are still on the right path, so that I must hope that you are on the right path and walk on while trying to figure IF this is not the right path: where it is then and how will I find it? So basically trying not to lose hope while I am doing that. Ever been there?

 

[Sweetpea76]

Sure...it's only human. Make sure you're taking care of yourself!! That's easy to forget when you're supporting your sufferer and chasing around little ones too. :hug:

 

[Never_falter2]

Yeah, you‘re right. Thanks for your support.

 

[Never_falter2]

Plus feeling very stupid now. My guy is sleeping now and I watch him sleep. He wanted to talk with me before he went to sleep but I was busy on this board. Stupid me.

 

[Freida]

that it is better to “fight“ and go on instead of whine but..

No -it's not. this is a lesson I'm having to learn right now. There is nothing to fight against and there is every reason to whine away. Ptsd is a condition that will make life complicated but you cant' fight it away. All you can do is keep yourself in a place where you are relaxed and able to deal with what ever random thing comes up next. You cant save the drowning man if you are drowning too.

I think you might be asking to much of yourself right now. Maybe it's time to take a step back and work on YOU. Get a good therapist, have a pedicure, get a massage, take the kids on a mini vacation. Things that make you happy and let you recharge so that when you have to deal with his demons you have the strength to not let them swallow you too. And you can use that strength to help those you love. Because if you are so tired you have nothing left to give, who keeps the family going?

 

[Never_falter2]

You know my vet and me we have been talking a bit. We are planning a lunch invitation and we are currently planning the menu. I am not sure if Americans ever do this, Germans sometimes invite their friends and family to a big lunch with several dishes. Do Americans do this? In our culture we often do this... and it is actually a bit stressful for dh... and we just decided that we will not be stressed by this, because it does not have to be perfect and he can opt out if it stresses him (which is not gonna happen, but just as an exit strategy) and for a while we have been talking about another lunch invitation: a historical lunch. We enjoy historical cooking and this time it will be Middle Ages, just us, siblings and friends... no annoying grumpy old relatives and their even grumpier spouses (most of our relatives are nice but you probably know those grumpy old relatives which happen to occur in nearly every family and who constantly complain about the wine being to warm or to cold or just to wrong kind of wine to be served with this type of food, your husband talking to loudly, your kids talking not loud enough, the fish being to salty, the potatoes being not salty enough... and why did you serve potatoes at all? Don‘t you know they cause diabetes? You should be serving brown rice.)
So we discussed it again... historical lunch and we are really, really looking forward to it... not yet, in a few month but it is something to plan and look forward to and we need this now.

 

[Never_falter2]

For me, most generally speaking, it is very stupid when I have to sit back and can do nothing about a thing. I was not brought up like this. I was brought up to “fight“, I put this in quotation marks because I was not brought up to give people a licking that‘s not what I mean. I was brought up to identify a problem, goal: solve the problem, then do everything in my power to solve it. But what when I do not see the solution for the problem/ do not see anything in my power which I can do.

I still do think that it is good to “fight“. I still do some little things that are in my power, some little things I can do and I think it is important never to loose the hope and if it feels like you can do nothing at all.

I had to force myself to do some pleasant things in the past days (which were very stupid because the heatwave and I felt all down) for my sake and that of the kids and I was actually surprised I liked them... not that I never enjoyed myself before. I did and a lot... but when you have a hubby who is being so down (and you never realized before) and you cannot properly understand it you sometimes think: how can I ever enjoy myself again? How can you really life in a bubble and not realize what is happening to him? But I do think this bubble is important, isn‘t it?

Especially this medieval fandom. People (most of whom do not even know about his ptsd) have been telling us medieval fandom is pure escapism. Most likely it is... but I wish people would not always say that.