Feeling Like A Failure

[Ursa]

Just got the report from the tests I took on the weekend that I got diagnosed with PTSD. I can retake the tests in about a month, but I failed on both of them. :eek:
Really I am not feeling right now that it is going to change a lot from now to then... So I am considering retaking the tests in another chance, which would be in a year.
Then I go to the National Institute of Mental Health and there says that the treatment for PTSD can take 6 to 12 weeks... What is the problem with me?:stupid:
I am arriving from work completely drained everyday... I have not been able to get there on time on a daily basis because I am having a lot of trouble to sleep. If I get lucky enough to sleep early or on time I wake up in the middle of the night with nightmares.
I am trying to achieve a second profession, because I already feel a failure on the first one...

I am so frustrated right now and I am not sure if I can take the steps necessaries to make it different on the next test. Plus, there will be no review classes and I just cannot remember things because I was dissociating during the classes.

Really, being successful at school always was a huge deal for me... now I feel lost in all this.

 

[fin]

Hey Ursa I nearly started here by asking what tests you were talking about and I'm sorry I think that is my fault some. I realise now what it is you are talking about though and I am sorry to read this Ursa, it is difficult and I do know where you are coming from with school issues, I had to drop out of my studies a few years back now...actually quite a few.

Is it possible that you could seek guidance from someone at school -maybe a counsellor of some sort, and maybe try to find a way to be able to get through this somehow. I dont know if it feasible as you are the only one that can possibly know where you are coming from with regard to your studies, but I am wondering if there is someone and thinking perhaps it might help to talk it through some with someone that knows what is involved.

With regard to treatment and therapy I am wondering if maybe you need a second opinion about the length of time involed in treatment, as while I am not wanting to put a damper on anything for you and we all take different paths and we all heal differently; I am surprised to read that they can give you a definite time scale so soon, but again I don't know your circumstances so maybe I know nothing much at all...It is just I would hate for you to get your hopes up in regard to this timing you have been given and plan around this and then find them dashed.

I have re-thought about going back myself and finishing my studies, and I do think it would be good for me on many levels having a direction and focus, it is just that for me at the moment I only know I couldn't really cope with the stress very well, and maybe that is an unfounded fear on my part, but I do know that I don't think that dropping out would be a good option for me to do more than once again. But this is me and not you ok.

I hope things work out for you on this somehow, but at the end of the day only you can know and only you can know what it is you are also putting into management of PTSD. And again I am not wanting to stress you out about any of this, I am just concerned for you is all. Hope that this maybe can help you some, and that things work out for you well.

Take care Ursa
~fin

I love your name by the way, the constellations

Just one more thought; is there perhaps some way that you can sit the test with someone ajudicating you seperatly; as I know here in the UK if it is a recognised condition, that when studying within something like the Open University special circumstances can be allowed; as they do take each case into account.

And this is no weakness, it is just that if they know you are dissociating they can maybe make some allowance ...I have to say though PLease do not feel like a failure about your Job; part of that remember is the pTSD talking rather than you. And me personally I would get better managed before taking on any more stress, you are already not sleeping properly...would it help you if you had more pressure? Again only you can know...it is just that I know where I would be coming from on this.

And please dont take this or any of it as failure...just living and managing and working as you already do with pTSD itself at present is a tough job ok.

Hope it works out well for you Ursa

 

[Ursa]

I don't know if I made myself understandable. No therapist gave me this timing. It was in the web site of the national institute of mental health (USA).

About UK, I am in a school where the Central is in UK. Do you have more information about these conditions please let me know. This might help me to negotiate my case.

Thank you Fin!

About my name, in my original language its the female for bear. It is a nickname that I adopted on the Internet over the years.:wink:

 

[fin]

I am thinking that each institute for learning will have its own guidelines and criteria, and I just went to check the site here and it is giving me addy's for residence in the UK only, rather than wherever it is that you are. If you google it from you with something like The Open University, UK and perhaps Milton Keynes, that might help although again this might be the centre for UK students only. They do do overseas learning, as I did meet lots of students from abroad- when I attended summer school a few years back now. Oh and this will only give you information about the Open Universities guidelines.

You will also more than likely need a doctors certificate/letter no matter who you are studying with, I know that that goes across the board here whether it is distance, internet or even local residence Universities.

Try if you can to contact your own person at their point of contact and explain your situation to them, write down perhaps everything you need to get across and have questions regarding each point and that may help you remain calm and get everything out that you need to get out and asked.

I hope that this can help you better and if you want me to find a point of contact here for you perhaps if you feel comfortable doing so PM me with the name of your centre and just a brief idea and I will Pm you back with whatever I can find out here at this end. It just depends who it is you are studying with here and if I can help, please know though; I will if I am able to. And don't worry about giving me personal information I should be able to find out something without knowing too much if any of your personal info.

But I would think you should have a point of contact and that maybe something in with the paperwork you already have will say something about extenuating circumstances and how to go about coping with them..and believe me I am sure PTSD will be seen everywhere as an extenuating circumstance.

hope you can work something out Ursa

Oh, and I know about the bear thing...just soo cute, we have Ursa Major and Ursa Minor in our constellations here and that is the Big Bear and the Little Bear... you have made me smile and I am sorry about the situation you are in ...but I wont forget you now...no way... and soo cute Ursa.

Take care and let me know what you would like me to do ok, try not to leave it too long though; as the longer you leave it the more the likelyhood is that whatever governing body you are studying under will perhaps see anything you say as an excuse...especialy if you leave it too long after diagnosis or even after symptoms have emerged.

Not trying to freak you out ok
Take care Ursa, I look forward to hearing back from you

~fin

And if you manage to work something out please let me know also, as I will be thinking of you. Hope you and/or I will be able to help somehow. Take care of you though please. Your health has to come first ok.

 

[fin]

Please try not to feel lost you are not, I really do not belive that this is all or nothing.

You need to perhaps calm some and reassess the situation and work through ideas and alternatives, this preparation will I believe help you. I am sure that in amongst your literature you will have a point of contact but if not I have sent you a PM which I am hoping will help you somehow.


Please know that one of the things that you have done here was trust me, you didnt have to, and I see you as courageous in taking that chance.

I know it may feel like perhaps a cold comfort but you are not alone in these fears of yours. I can say that when I disclosed to my university that I was having difficulty it was a hard thing to do but at the same time it was no bad thing and it did work out. Perhaps you may find it will help you to be able to discuss this with someone from your institution also. But again only you can know and do this. I can say look at your options and look at what is best for you, and that is pretty much all anyone can say I think.

I hope that this might have helped somehow and I look forward to reading how you are getting on. PLease know any support you find here will be good, but at the same time no one can make these decisions for you. We can only do what we can, just as you can only do the same, but if you don't try sometimes you may never know.

I hope that talking about it here has helped you also. Read as much as you can in managing and working through your PTSD...and take care of you please, take care of you.

~fin

 

[Ursa]

Hey guys!

Just would like to share that I took the tests in April and just got the results that I made through them.

I am very happy!

 

[Irton Pike]

well done. Life is full of small triumphs and failures. No life runs 100% smooth. Who can say they have never failed anything? the key thing to get right is to learn to accept that we sometimes fail and not judge ourselves as bad people if we do. I am as guilty of this as anyone. Since my car crash I have used my work as the benchmark by which I measure myself as being a good person or not. However, doing a good job does not make you a good person. Likewise, getting a job wrong does not make you bad. We are the sum of many successes and failures and have to learn to be above the mundane.

 

[Grama-Herc]

Ursa

Were you put on any medication for your PTSD?

I was. The first side affect was extreme exhaustion. I am still
tired and have trouble sleeping and I was diagnosed in 1997.

My inability to go to work because of my physical condition(exhasuted)
amoung other things is what eventually cost me my job.

I know that feeling. Just climbing out of bed is an effort and on some
days an impossible thing to do.

So, I ask. Were you placed on meds?

 

[Ursa]

I took some meds more than 10 years ago... I went to the doctor and she thought I had anxiety. I was in the minimal dose and it made me feel so tired that I decided not to take more than a box (which did not last for much longer than a month).

I got the PTSD diagnosed last February and I assume I was really a mess. I had just started to recover the sexual abuse in my memory and this was really shocking me. Because I was so messed up the therapist suggested that I went to see a doctor to get meds but because I knew the side effects I decided not to take any.

This test specifically was hard because studying child development and getting all those dark details about my own development was really hard to deal with and I was getting triggered everytime I was getting a book. Also the pressure on the situation was not helping at all.

Slowly I am getting the track of my life back. I have been doing a lot of exercises and also reading a lot about my problems. There are days in which I am really a mess but they are not everyday anymore. This in itself is a huge relief. The thing I believe that is helping me most is the way I am thinking about my life. I used to live planing every little thing and not breathing ever... I worried so much that everything had a survival meaning. Now I just realized that I am not in condition to do as much as I was doing and this break on my own expectations is really changing the way I am taking everything in.

 

[Noone.]

Hi Ursa.

That is a comman thing some docs are to quick to diagnose PTSD and others ( workmans comp ) are so ready to call it something else.
The bottom line is you are the only one that knows you. I understand it will make
you feel better as soon as they put a name on what you feel.
When that happens remember you are still you it doesn't change a thing.
I can tell you this, your not a failure just don't give up, this is
your life so live it don't let it live you.

Be safe.

FIRE.