I feel like I'm stuck/trapped right now with no way out. I had to leave a job I was at for about a year because the only other person in the office also had an anxiety disorder (and I felt sorry for her), but she kept taking it out on me. She would yell at me on a daily basis in front of clients...even though I hadn't actually done anything wrong.
I'm still feeling the after effects of that. Every day before work I was getting physically ill, shaking uncontrollably and crying. So I left for another job with fewer hours, less pay, but (as I thought) less stress. And on the whole this job does have less stress.
But the job was misrepresented to me. I have a really hard time these days having to answer phones and deal extensively with the public. I can actually truly enjoy it if people are nice. But I can't handle problem customers. I was never told that I would be answering phones when I was interviewing for the job, or when I first started it, and it was represented to me as if I would only sometimes be dealing with the public.
My schedule has also been changed on me at least 10 times since I started. Which isn't so bad, except that I've now been hit with all these night shifts...which is hard for me since night is when I'm at my worst.
Add to that that I came down with swine flu not all that long after starting this job (about a month after) and had to miss a lot of work as a result. Now people at my workplace seem to feel I'm "unreliable" even though I haven't missed work since (except for 1 day). Also people have been getting really impatient with me when I'm having memory difficulties. Which just stresses me out more and makes my memory worse. And with this job you have to be precisely in the right place at precisely the right time. And if you're not, you get in trouble. And you get in trouble even if it wasn't your fault that you weren't (i.e. someone else forgot to tell you where you were supposed to be).
I've also had things going on in my personal life that have re-triggered my PTSD. I managed ok right when it was in the middle of a crisis, but now that the crisis has abated I'm having problems sleeping, feeling hyper-alert and even a little paranoid that the one problem will resurface.
I'm having a hard time feeling like dragging myself out of bed in the morning and just facing the day let alone going in to work. But I can't not have a job either. And my job doesn't allow any leeway for an "off" day. I have to be 100% all the time. And all this stress is causing a lot of stomach problems. But I don't have ready access to a bathroom at my workplace. I have to wait until I have a break.
Anyway, sorry for rambling/ranting. I'm just having a really bad day...I'm crying and I have to face another late shift. And I'm just feeling like I have no options.
I'm still feeling the after effects of that. Every day before work I was getting physically ill, shaking uncontrollably and crying. So I left for another job with fewer hours, less pay, but (as I thought) less stress. And on the whole this job does have less stress.
But the job was misrepresented to me. I have a really hard time these days having to answer phones and deal extensively with the public. I can actually truly enjoy it if people are nice. But I can't handle problem customers. I was never told that I would be answering phones when I was interviewing for the job, or when I first started it, and it was represented to me as if I would only sometimes be dealing with the public.
My schedule has also been changed on me at least 10 times since I started. Which isn't so bad, except that I've now been hit with all these night shifts...which is hard for me since night is when I'm at my worst.
Add to that that I came down with swine flu not all that long after starting this job (about a month after) and had to miss a lot of work as a result. Now people at my workplace seem to feel I'm "unreliable" even though I haven't missed work since (except for 1 day). Also people have been getting really impatient with me when I'm having memory difficulties. Which just stresses me out more and makes my memory worse. And with this job you have to be precisely in the right place at precisely the right time. And if you're not, you get in trouble. And you get in trouble even if it wasn't your fault that you weren't (i.e. someone else forgot to tell you where you were supposed to be).
I've also had things going on in my personal life that have re-triggered my PTSD. I managed ok right when it was in the middle of a crisis, but now that the crisis has abated I'm having problems sleeping, feeling hyper-alert and even a little paranoid that the one problem will resurface.
I'm having a hard time feeling like dragging myself out of bed in the morning and just facing the day let alone going in to work. But I can't not have a job either. And my job doesn't allow any leeway for an "off" day. I have to be 100% all the time. And all this stress is causing a lot of stomach problems. But I don't have ready access to a bathroom at my workplace. I have to wait until I have a break.
Anyway, sorry for rambling/ranting. I'm just having a really bad day...I'm crying and I have to face another late shift. And I'm just feeling like I have no options.
