Feeling like there is no hope

[Pauline]

I've hit rock bottom my self harm has got really bad my mind doesn't feel right I now know I was sexually abused and I don't know how to discuss this with my psychiatrist or how to bring up the subject as I said initially I thought it was my dad but I had a really deep chat with him and he told me I should love myself and that he wouldn't do anything in the world to hurt me he seemed very like he wanted to help I know I was sexually abused I just don't know who by I wanted to talk to my parents and tell them I was hurt but I don't know how to start the conversation I really feel there is no hope for me I get moments in my body where I'm like not living life I'm on the outside and I'm not actually in life my self harm is seriously bad everything is just falling to pieces and there is just no hope it's going to be on going without trusting anyone or myself X

 

[Invisible Fire]

@Pauline I understand how you are feeling. I have been there many times. It took me many years/decades to talk to anyone about my abuse. It is still unclear if I know everyone I was abused by. Lots of pieces that are slowly coming together. Thank you for posting this. It is very honest and I admire your strength, I wish I was more able to post like this when I’m struggling. You have already survived what happened to you. Take a deep breath and try and ground yourself

 

[Pauline]

I feel really hopeless at the moment nothing is working to help my trauma I keep hitting rock bottom and I feel really like no one can help me. My low self esteem and low self worth has returned I can't seem to manage my self harm or find a good therapist my eating habits are really bad and I just feel like I'm not worthy of anything. Like I said I spoke to my dad and he said he would never hurt me which I accepted but now I'm just back to square one on not knowing anything I've never been in such an unhelpful place before in my life or such an un hope ful place how can you get better from your abuse of you have no memories of it I have never been in such a helpless state before now I just don't care what happens to me has anyone else experienced such frustration like this is it for there life X

 

[Friday]

how can you get better from your abuse of you have no memories of it

By working on symptom management, to begin with.

Symptom management & stabilizing.

 

[Pauline]

Thanks can you give me an example of this at the moment I'm trying to reduce my self harm and waiting for my psychiatrist appointment this week I'm nervous to talk to him about it I don't really know how to start the conversation with him to be honest

 

[Friday]

Examples of symptoms?

Anxiety, Panic, & Hypervigilance
Avoidance
Core Beliefs & Cognitive Distortions
Depression
Dysregulation
Disassociation & Flashbacks
Intrusive Thoughts & Memories
Isolation
Relationship problems
Sleep & Nightmares

Essentially the whole forum list ;) Plus individual & effects of trauma related things. A few common examples there would be disordered eating, attachment issues, self esteem.

And ALL of them have methods of both dealing with & reducing or eliminating them. Often called tools, skills, management, or coping mechanisms depending on how one is going about it.

Examples of how to deal with, reduce, or eliminate? (Not a complete list)

The ptsd cup explanation <<< Stress management helps reduce all symptoms, so I’m sticking this one right here at the top.

Ptsd therapies
A short (incomplete) list of different kinds of therapies that go about teaching people those tools & skills.

Depression
Depression, which I suck at, since that’s where you are right now.

Primary cognitive distortions (negative thinking styles)
Negative thinking styles part ii: reframing negative thoughts
Since one of your core beliefs seems to be that you can’t recover if you don’t remember... when maybe 90%? of recovery is about symptom management... learning to regulate emotions, be hit less hard and recover swifter from panic attacks, grounding/being present in the moment instead of dissociating, eating well, sleeping well, engaging with others... et cetera. In a great big way.

I know this is a lot of information... and it’s only the teeniest tiniest tip of the iceberg in all the things people can do to make their lives better / recover / be who they want to be.

There’s a whole helluva lot a person can do... without remembering.

 

[Pauline]

Thank you so much

 

[Rani G2]

There’s a whole helluva lot a person can do... without remembering.

Yessssss

@Pauline
Going through a depressive phase.
For me its isolating, and exhaustion right now. Its extremely hard to do the opposite to how I feel. I must prepare my self for going out of the house even if I feel as if I have magnets on my feet. I look at the couch and I look at the door.

I put on the "best song ever",( its move on up- from Curtis Mayfield for me) loud, take a shower cold/ warm , take my supplements and eat my banana and mango... Its hard for me to Do this because a voice says "For what? It doesnt matter..give up, Do nothing" .

Hopelesness is hijacking my brain and I must cut down to the basics

Watching videos about cptsd, behavioural stuff, Meditation, audiobooks, Yoga and this can help to get back on track..
Its tough... I understand.

 

[Mach123]

I hear a lot about parts here but little about the part that causes this which is the abuser internalized. I was at the therapist yesterday and she reminded me that "you won't get anywhere until you understand you can be both the abuser and the abused." Low self esteem and suicidal ideation is the abuser (using your voice) trying to finish you off and think it's your idea.

I'm sorry you feel so awful please don't listen to all that negativity about yourself. It's not true. There is good and bad in all of us. I hope you feel better.

 

[Pauline]

Thank you guys I really don't know what I would do without this forum it has saved my life once or twice more than any therapist has obviously something is keeping me here because even with my heart condition I still feel like I have to keep going ?