I'm really kind of just basking in the sun right now so to speak with the calm in my relationship with N. right now. Only a few minor meltdowns recently and I'm quite proud of how my reaction is improving.I hate thinking that a big one is just around the corner, I know that's just a matter of time, but right this moment I'm just going to focus on everything that's going well.
N. is an amazing person, although he can't see himself that way due to the things he's had to do while in the army. He's not perfect, can be a tad overprotective (he's not allowed anywhere near my child's father because he'd end up in jail and can get a little on the jealous side if i talk to other men even in totally innocent circumstances) but its something we are working on. I'm working on a few things myself lol. After becoming more or less entirely dependant on my ex I've gone to the other end of the spectrum to complete independence where now its hard for me to even accept a gift because the back of my brain is telling me there are strings attached. So now we both are making compromises in order to work our way to.good.
I do know that if we had met even just a year sooner we wouldn't be where we are. He's made a lot of progress in therapy in dealing with his PTSD and I've finally gotten myself back on my feet. During the course of our friendship he was actually a driving force in my realization that I could do better for myself and my son. Held me accountable for my decision or lack of decisions in staying with an angry verbally abusive bully. In turn I was always available to give a shoulder or ear when he needed someone to just listen to him.
There were a few rocky moments during the transition.from just friends to romantic relationship. Two fairly "broken" people with the great wall of china built up around themselves add intense attraction makes for a firestorm on occasion, but instead of jumping full in, we took some extra time to build trust and an actual relationship foundation. I can't fix him(I've intellectually known that from day one but the romantic in me held onto that dream for quite awhile) and he's starting to relinquish some of the need to be in control all the time. I just know I'm very lucky to have him in my life and know that even though things won't always be as easy as they arr today, days like today will help in moving forward. when it gets hard. :)
N. is an amazing person, although he can't see himself that way due to the things he's had to do while in the army. He's not perfect, can be a tad overprotective (he's not allowed anywhere near my child's father because he'd end up in jail and can get a little on the jealous side if i talk to other men even in totally innocent circumstances) but its something we are working on. I'm working on a few things myself lol. After becoming more or less entirely dependant on my ex I've gone to the other end of the spectrum to complete independence where now its hard for me to even accept a gift because the back of my brain is telling me there are strings attached. So now we both are making compromises in order to work our way to.good.
I do know that if we had met even just a year sooner we wouldn't be where we are. He's made a lot of progress in therapy in dealing with his PTSD and I've finally gotten myself back on my feet. During the course of our friendship he was actually a driving force in my realization that I could do better for myself and my son. Held me accountable for my decision or lack of decisions in staying with an angry verbally abusive bully. In turn I was always available to give a shoulder or ear when he needed someone to just listen to him.
There were a few rocky moments during the transition.from just friends to romantic relationship. Two fairly "broken" people with the great wall of china built up around themselves add intense attraction makes for a firestorm on occasion, but instead of jumping full in, we took some extra time to build trust and an actual relationship foundation. I can't fix him(I've intellectually known that from day one but the romantic in me held onto that dream for quite awhile) and he's starting to relinquish some of the need to be in control all the time. I just know I'm very lucky to have him in my life and know that even though things won't always be as easy as they arr today, days like today will help in moving forward. when it gets hard. :)
