Feeling of fake "love" in the body

[Upside Down Eagle]

Hi mods, I am putting this in this category because it feels like a dissociative condition.

For the forum people, help me with this...

Background: childhood trauma, possible sexual trauma (not sure, blurry memories) and I'm a transman.
I am using testosterone and the symptoms can sometimes be influenced by hormonal shifts, but not always.

Normally it's like this:

Like a lot of you, I struggle with being in the "now" and I have a lot of fear around dealing with reality. Since childhood I have tended to space off, be somewhere in a fantasy realm, talk to people that weren't really there (imaginary support people), and have dissociative episodes and literal out-of-body experiences.

But I *know* what it actually feels like to be in my body: grounded, calm, with my senses, breathing, stable.

The spooky thing...

Sometimes I have this feeling in my body as if I were being replaced psychologically with a sort of "cloud of love". It takes over my body. I can still *observe* that it is happening, but I don't know where it is coming from or how to put an end to it. It is very hard to describe, here are two comparisons.

• For any of you that know how they feel with an overload of progesterone in their body; kind of fuzzy and in a vague state
• Less likely, for any of you that know what it feels like to take MDMA.

Sometimes it appears to happen out of nowhere (catching me unaware) and then I feel like I am being snatched out of my body.
I will not feel any possibility of grounding, and it makes me wheel an extreme enmeshment / codependency with whatever surroundings I happen to be in at the time (house, environment etc). It feels somehow related to this notion of being "contained", as if I were forced to be in an egg.

How the (___) can I lose that feeling of being possessed by it?
I almost feel like this was caused in the womb or very early infancy, and also feels slightly sexual. I have no idea what to do with it.

I will be enormously appreciative if someone(s) can help.

With (real) love,
Eagle

PS. I may ask the AI bot about this thing.

 

[Dark.Green.Feathers]

I might experience something similar, not entirely sure. Sometimes dissociative states for me feel very “fuzzy/fluffy”. Can’t think, no problems, just want to stay as is/hide away/be swaddled up.
Mostly associated with younger parts I think? I can’t remember if any carrying the incest/grooming enmeshment get this too but potentially.

I don’t know what your comparisons feel like.

Have a headache so this isn’t a great response.

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

A reply to my post to add: I started discussing this with "Dr Aria".

It turned into a very insightful conversation.
She says physical sensations CAN be dissociation, which is something that did not quite click for me. Even though obviously I posted it here, so on some level I was understanding that it was.

Still interested in other perspectives - have you experienced this level of somatic dissociation?
Were there any techniques that were specially helpful in grounding yourself back in reality and with yourself?

 

[Sideways]

I have DID, so I’ve had some pretty full on experiences with dissociation over the years.

Grounding, anchoring, etc - they’re a lot like using breathing to get yourself out of a panic attack. Which is to say, they’re pretty much useless unless you’ve practiced, and built up the skill, and can reliably get yourself solidly grounded or anchored while things are normal and calm.

When you have practiced grounding enough that you can do it effectively while things are okay, that’s when it starts being really helpful in a crisis. And they can be amazing in a crisis. I do grounding practice, and breathing exercises, most days of the week because I need those skills to be rock solid when a crisis hits.

In the meantime? For full on dissociative episodes that I need to hit the emergency brakes on? Very few options work as effectively and reliably as holding oranges that I keep in the freezer for that purpose, or jumping in the shower under the cold water (fully clothed, usually!).