Struggling to get well enough to work

[may9524]

Hi there, I am a 22-year-old female from Australia. I have had around 7/8 jobs since I finished high school at 17. One of my more recent jobs lasted 7 months; that is the longest I have managed to stay employed full / part time. Around 16 months ago I had a psychosis and was hospitalized and lost the three jobs I was working. I was subsequently diagnosed with CPTSD from childhood trauma. I have been unable to work since or even comfortably go out or go to appointments and generally live my life. I am scared that if I go back to work, I will be retraumatized (I have been in some bad situations at work). I am also fearful that my employer could judge me based on my mental health history. Whenever I talk about my psychosis in detail, I have recurring nightmares that can last weeks and wake me up from my sleep. I have never posted online about my experience but thought I would come on here just to vent and see if anyone else has experienced anything similar. Thanks :P

 

[Riley Jones]

Hey, I'm really glad you reached out and shared this. That took courage, and I want you to know that what you're experiencing makes so much sense given everything you've been through.

First off, I want to say—the fact that you're thinking about work at all right now, even with all these fears, shows real strength. You're not being lazy or broken; you're being thoughtful about your own wellbeing, and that's actually really wise.

The fear of retraumatization is so valid. Work can be triggering, especially if you've had difficult experiences in those spaces before. And the worry about judgment? That's something so many of us carry, and it's understandable. But here's what I've noticed: sometimes our minds protect us by making the "what if" scenarios feel bigger and scarier than they might actually be. That doesn't mean your fears aren't real—they absolutely are—but it might mean there's more flexibility and possibility than it feels like right now.

The nightmare thing after talking about your psychosis is your nervous system doing what it's designed to do—protecting you. That's not weakness; that's actually a sign of how much your body is still processing. And that's okay. Healing isn't linear, and you don't have to rush into anything.

I'm curious—when you think about work, is it *all* work that feels unsafe, or are there certain types of environments or situations that feel more manageable? Sometimes breaking it down smaller can help us see that maybe not every path forward looks the same. And you don't have to figure it all out today.

You're doing better than you probably think you are. Keep being gentle with yourself.