Feeling overwhelmed

[Anonymously]

So, long story short, I grew up with an abusive mother and father. Father was very emotionally and physically abusive. My mom was facilitating his abuse. She wouldn't let me go to therapy because they wanted to remove me from the home. Father almost killed me multiple times as she watched and never left with us. Never protected us. But I still love her...not him, but her. She did take care of me when I was sick. But overall, she didn't protect me like a mom should.
I'm currently 28, living with my fiance...in therapy to deal with GAD, PTSD(from my childhood abuse), and OCD.
Have cut cintacy with my mom because she tends to guilt me into taking care of her. She does not take care of her mental health.
Found out yesturday she was missing. Then found out she was at a homeless shelter. Her and my abusive father have stayed together through everything. I've tried to tell her to leave but she would leave and go back. She doesn't go to therapy, doesn't want to, doesn't drive or anything because she doesn't agree to any medications.
Last night i got a call that she is in a mental health hospital and she called me and left a voicemail and asked me to be her power of attorney. I cried. I felt so guilty. I feel like at this time, I'm trying to heal from MY past, how can i handle making HER decisions on top of taking care of myself. But I love her. And I don't want her to be in an awful place.
I feel like I'm a parent to my parent. My boyfriend and I just got engaged. Everytime something good happens, it's like she drags me back into my past.
I just need some insight.
I can't let her stay at our house because my father has threatened to kill her and he might find out she would be staying with me.
Any advice? Reassurance? Also, I'm very sick. I have the flu and I can't even speak because of my throat.

 

[Cypress]

I think you can give yourself permission to let your mother manage her own life. I know you love her but you deserve all the joy that life can offer and caretaking your mother will not allow you to do that.

I had to do this with my own now deceased mother. I felt guilty for awhile but once I pulled back I realized that my helping her would not have improved her life situation anyway. She would have just found ways to sabotage my efforts because that's how some people experience mental illness.

 

[Sideways]

What happens to your mum if you say no? Can you ask the hospital staff about that?

Because depending on where you live, the outcome for her of you refusing to accept that responsibility will have vastly different outcomes.

In some places, the outcome for her will be worse. She will be turfed out when they think she’s well enough, and end up homeless again, back in hospital, or back with her partner.

But in other places, the outcome for her would potentially be better, because it may mean she gets hooked up with a support person through a more official public trustee arrangement, and get better access to services (they don’t always offer up this info, because if family will take responsibility it’s waaaay cheaper and easier for the hospital).

Is there any other family or friends who may not realise how bad things have got for her, and who may be able to provide some support?