Feeling So Guilty This Ptsd Is Affecting My Family

[Shellbell]

Gizmo, it helps so much to hear how you have broken that generational abuse and have an amazing daughter, who is also an amazing mum. Knowing this creates hope.

It is possible to get through all this mental illness - the PTSD and depression and still be great mums.

It is so obvious what a truly lovely and beautiful person you are Gizmo.

 

[Britt.f7]

Gizmo, that is wonderful news to hear. That's why I try to remind myself and not beat myself up too much. Hearing it and absorbing it can sometimes be two different things.

My mother, anytime I brought up anything about our past, always use to go into that "I'm such a bad parent" deal that we couldn't talk. If anything I think my kids think I talk too much. I look at them and see they are not going through anything like I did and I am grateful for that, even while beating myself up with guilt that they have me for a mom.

I tell myself that my parents did the best they could with what they knew. That I am doing the best with what I know and have learned.

Thank you for sharing your story with me. I am sorry about the loss of your child, I could never imagine. You definitely do seem blessed with your daughter and grandchildren.:)

 

[JustBe]

I tell my boys that if they ever need therapy to deal with having such a screwy mother I'll pay for it!

 

[Shellbell]

Yes I think that too Movin'On.

 

[matthios]

I'm on the flip of this... being the (totally grown) child with PTSD and a family who just can't deal... fortunately? their way to handle it is to disown and abandon me.

I'd feel guiltier for how it affected them if they weren't such shizzlepucks about it.

 

[Shellbell]

Matthios, I'm sorry your family are not supportive and it must be very difficult.

It's hard enough dealing with PTSD, without your family abandoning you.

I know that abandonment feeling, my parents my one sister have never been supportive, in fact they were also abusers and I was always the black sheep of the family, singled out for abuse. I never had any support until recently.

You shouldn't feel guilty about your family at all, they are the ones failing.

 

[Violet03]

I just want to say I can relate to the first post by Shellbell. I can't go into details but in my house I do not have much understanding. What makes it worse is I am so shut down I can't verbalized anything. I know I'm a burden. I ask myself every day how much longer can I keep fighting this silent war inside?

 

[Shellbell]

Hugs ((((Violet03)))).

I feel like a burden too and it's really really hard to deal with every day and I also understand that feeling of fighting this silent war inside. I'm scared that one day I won't have any strength left and give up fighting.

I told my pastor earlier today that I've given up on my marriage and I feel my husband needs a very different type of wife and I need a different type of husband. I feel guilty about putting all my issues on my husband and he doesn't understand it at all. I feel even more guilty about being a mother who can't cope and is depressed.

And these feelings and the guilt just won't go away. I'm medicated up on strong AD and anti-psychotic drugs and still feel really depressed and guilty and ashamed.

I feel like I am shutting down too. I've completely given up trying to explain to my husband. On here is the only way I can verbalise it in any way now.

I wish I could help in some way Violet. I wish I could help many of us on here. It hurts so much.

 

[AS1975]

I look at the supporter forums, it is helping me to examine how my illness affects others, not for the purpose of building up the guilt, but so I can actually try and understand it, and where my loved ones are coming from. Then again I can at the moment, I'm in pretty heavy duty treatment, we'll see how long I can do it once I leave treatment.

 

[Shellbell]

I think that's really positive AS1975. I'm glad you are able to do this as it no doubt helps relationships.

That was why I went to the supporters section myself, but it all got too much when seeing how badly it affects the supporters.

But I'm only a couple of months into weekly therapy, so I hope that in the future, I won't feel the same. I have to have hope. I know I have a lot of work to do in therapy. But it doesn't make it feel easier right now.

I really hope your treatment is going well and has long lasting results for you.

 

[AS1975]

There is also the whole gender-related issue with guilt, there is a whole 'nother issue there

 

[Violet03]

Thanks Shellbell for your words. Hugs to you too! (((((((Shellbell))))))) You're right, this is the only place I seem to be able say how I feel (for the most part). I still struggle to get a lot out but I feel safe here. I wish I could make our feelings go away so we could be "normal". I hope the best for you today.