Feeling terribly bad when feeling weirdly good

[Anana]

I had been thinking there wouldn't be anything new or unexpected in my therapy. But
Last time while doing EMDR technique I felt so good that all of a sudden i burst into tears . And it is the second time I am feeling like that . Later on I realised that I never was really happy and free and then cried because of it. But my question why when im starting feeling really good I have so much scaring high emotions and I want to escape from it. The same with compliments, the same with good attitude to me. I just feel ashamed and want to cry and escape.
Hope there is someone who understand what I mean

 

[Abstract]

Hi,

Not totally sure but in the past I had internalised others poor treatment of me and used to treating myself horribly. Therefore when someone was kind it felt very strange and scary. I would get angry at myself. Not sure but it can be lots of things. It makes you realise the bad treatment was wrong. It makes you realise the depths of your unhappiness. You internally have now believe you arent allowed happiness and if you are happy something bad will happen. Poor self esteem.

Do you think you deserve to be treated with kindness and to be happy?

 

[Anana]

Partially you are right and indeed we used to work on self-esteem issues and it became much better. But this is another. It is about feelings in body. Like i feel smth physically and this is so overhelming that I can't bare then i guess