Feeling Unwanted And Unloved

[ms spock]

Sorry if this post is all about me, I tend to write about myself as an example, not to be the subject of discussion or to ignore other peoples feelings. I just dont know how to write complicated senteces in english because its not my native language, thus its easier to write simple sentences about myself in the hope people can relate and learn from my experience and thoughts about this subject as I do from others.

Thank you for sharing your experience Sterre,

oxooxo
ms spock

 

[ms spock]

Or should I learn to love myself more ( how do you do that?)

Lots of practice sterre!

 

[ms spock]

Someone once told me that most people would run from the people I call my friends but instead I invite them in my life.

I have decided I won't have people in my life with problems unless they are in therapy, on meds or in some substantial way dealing with their problems.

I won't carry anyone any more.

I can't tell you have free I am feeling in getting away from my emotional vampire alledged friend T.

I have decided that I won't associate with S or L as well. They both have huge life issues and challenges and unless they get help I am not around anymore. I am not going to rescue or be any one's therapist anymore.

ms spock

 

[ms spock]

I wonder if it's possible to overcome something like this thats so big and ingrained in my being. Is it possible to overcome or learn new strategies of loving oneself when you dont know what it feels like to be truly loved?
( or accepted)

Learning new ways of being is important.

Meditation can be a way in. I am still learning.

It is hard when you don't know what feeling being loved like is - practice? Trying out new ways of treating your self? Starting to work on accepting yourself?

ms spock

 

[ms spock]

I know I reject myself many times a day by ignoring my needs, my wants, by riddicouling myself, and by being overly critical toward myself. I always now where I fail but I never see were I succeed.

Stopping doing these things and try doing other stuff and being kinder to yourself?

Let me know how you go!
ms spock

 

[Gloria]

It took me YEARS to get this through my head because I'm a Christian and my pastor's told me that these people would go to Hell. But my frickin brother is a Catholic and according to that religion if he confesses to a priest, he is absolved. Then it took years and years of practice to remind myself that if I hold on to the hatred and unfairness, it is just taking the joy out of the day that I am living today. I still find it hard to not think about things.

IT IS NOT FAIR! But the best revenge you can give someone who was cruel and hurt you is to be happy and not let it affect you!

OMG!! I know exactly how you feel. This is the tough thing. This is something that needs a lot of prayers and work but if you get to a place where you can live with it, you have gotten your life back. We are all on this forum because someone or something took our lives away. The only people we can change are ourselves. I'm not saying this lightly. The very hardest thing in the whole world is to change your thinking. But it's the only way that we can heal. Sorry if I'm preaching but I've spent so many years working on this! I'm getting old and I've spent my life in pain and anger and if I have 10 years to live, I don't want to spend those 10 years in pain.:(

Lots of positive karma and prayers and love, (Yes you deserve love!!!)
Gloria

 

[Srain]

I think that is a very good point...practice...that is what my tdoc tells me. I am 10yrs into my relationship and I still am a novice ...I am not very good at this ...intimacy and really accepting myself is difficult, trusting that love for what it is...I'm not sure what that is. You make very good points.

 

[ms spock]

Practice is really important. I am doing as much as I can each day.

I am practicing in being with people.

I am practicing my art.

I am practicing my Ornithology.

Lots and lots of practicing.

I have been practicing setting boundaries to get some people out of my life.

I have pretty much gotten T out of my life.

Now I have to get rid of S and L out of my life. S because the situation of child at risk from her boyfriend's partner and L said the situation of her child at risk at her father's place - the father that sexually abused her. Too hard. Must go. Can't deal with it.

I am going to be free of looking after people.
Finally I am going to be free.
ms spock

 

[ms spock]

Srain,

there is a great song by Howard Jones, "What is Love Anyway?" It is comforting because it asks all the questions we are asking here. It talks about love and how that is accepting people for who they are and "Does any one love any one any way?" The song also has in about someone questioning love and him not minding that. It is a comforting song in that it is music with the questions we are asking here.

ms spock

 

[The Albatross]

LOL... Ms. Spock. I haven't heard that one in a long long time... It made me smile. Thanks. :tup:

 

[Sandra]

And that what it so difficult when our parents etc never loved us. So we weren't taught how to, to begin with. So when one has a bad role model it's very hard to learn this then later in life.

 

[James B.]

I re-create the lonelyness I felt while growing up, I re- create the feeling of alienation by not letting people get close, and to withdraw from social life. I know this is happening, I just dont know how to stop it.

Thanks sterre, easy for me to identify with what you wrote. Thanks for putting it into words.