Feeling Unwanted And Unloved

[BloomInWinter]

Yes....unwanted. Unloved.

...and without hope that the pervasiveness of these will ever go away.

But I can't give up, because I must help my children live in the world that doesn't want me.

 

[Sandra]

Hugs BloominWinter.

 

[Sterre]

Yes....unwanted. Unloved.

...and without hope that the pervasiveness of these will ever go away.

But I can't give up, because I must help my children live in the world that doesn't want me.

Yes! Pervasiveness was the word! That is precisly how it feels! Thank you, BloomInWinter!
I know what you mean by the sentence about not giving up because you have to learn your childeren to live in the world and discover the beauty of it, eventough you dont see it yourself.

 

[Nighthawk]

How did I miss this thread. :eek: Part of the unwanted and continue to re create the need to be unwanted. No hope here how do we allow the evil of our abusers to become a part of our veins.

 

[Sandra]

And that's the difficult part for me when I tolerate my sister's crap. I would love to put her in her place but I keep quiet. Reason for doing so, it's a user relationship with us as I don't have anyone else to depend on in emergencies.

 

[ms spock]

How did I miss this thread. :eek: Part of the unwanted and continue to re create the need to be unwanted. No hope here how do we allow the evil of our abusers to become a part of our veins.

------------
Because we are too little! We were too little to do anything else.
ms spock

 

[ms spock]

That is really tough Sandra.

I have been stuck in that position.
ms spock

 

[Sandra]

I have been thinking about that some more Sterre since you pointed out both the difference with being abandoned and rejection. It sure made me think of both of the issues under a different light now. Thank you for pointing that out.

 

[Sterre]

How did I miss this thread. :eek: Part of the unwanted and continue to re create the need to be unwanted. No hope here how do we allow the evil of our abusers to become a part of our veins.

Nighthawlk, I've been thinking a lot about what you wrote.

Esspecially the phrase:
The need to be unwanted
keeps lingering trough my head, because I think there 's a truth hidden in that phrase.( its also a very poetic and beautifully juxtaposing prhase)

It may seem bizzarre or counterproductive, but I believe I suffer the need to be unwanted. I was unwanted and am still unwanted by my parents, but I am grown up now, I am 42 years old and still cannot make the difference between the fact that I was rejected and abondond by my parents, and possible rejection or abbandonment from other people.
These feelings are still intwined.

I do believe I have a need to be unwanted, not because I like it or because I think it's nice and healty, but because I'm scared to the bone if I am wanted by someone. ( can be a lover, or a job)
I know the pain of rejection and abbandonment all to well, I know how it feels, I know what happends to me when I experience rejection/abbandonment.
I dont seek it out on purpose and try to avoid it as uch as I can by isolating myself.

But what I dont know, is how it feels to be truly wanted. I know for sure that it scares me, and that it creates a lot of stress. I think I cant live up to expectations, it feels unsafe.The expectations of being truly wanted, smothers me and I tend to run away from it, instead of running towards it.
So therefor I think there is some truth in your prhase.

Thank you!

Edit: Sorry for all the misspellings, sometimes when I'm really tired my english get worse than it allready is ;-)

 

[Sandra]

That's the problem Sterre. We were never taught to love ourselves so we didn't know any different. We were brain washed into thinking we weren't wanted etc. So as young children we didn't know better not to believe that.

 

[Sterre]

You are right Sandra.

But the problem is that I am no longer a little child, and on a rational level I know better now.
On a rational level I know that I am worthy and have the right to excist, I want to empower myself instead of bringing myself down all the time.
Part of me will always be that little abbandond girl, but another part of me wants to go out and explore how it feels to be wanted and loved.
I have to take risks in order to explore and empower the grownup woman inside me.
It scares me., because I dont know if its possible to overcome the believes and experiences of the littel girl inside me.
I'm scared that I will not be able to handle rejection and that I will fall back into another PTSD episode.
But if I do not take risks I will never know.
Argghhhhhhhhhhhh

 

[Sandra]

Fear of the unknown....so true.