Feelings During Intimacy

[bailz]

I'm just curious about this. I think I feel a mix of emotions which I obviously need to sort out and identify.

What does everyone else feel? Before? During? After?

 

[bailz]

I think I feel overwhelmed more than anything. Like a rush of voices fill my head saying what might happen, what's going to happen.how I'm going to react, what I'm going to say..

 

[system victim 2012]

This might sound strange. At first everything's fine the moment they start touching me I get flashback I disassociated and when I finally feel like I am in the real world realm I instantly feel like I have been raped worst thing is I am usually the filthy one and 90% I cant remember.

So now I avoid men like the plague and I'd really love someone to just chill with.:( But I cant put myself through it its just to unbearable.

 

[Trish]

At times, I just don't want to be touched. It makes me feel disgusting, especially when being touched in my private area. I get all tense and just want it to be over.

 

[bailz]

I know what you mean. Sometimes it bothers me just for my boyfriend to grab my butt or something..

 

[Lucycat]

My T has told me to acknowledge the feeling and the thought, but then to let things continue. It is really difficult, especially at first, but it does get easier. Once you can appreciate that the thoughts and feelings are history, it is easier to accept the present.

The whole situation is a nightmare - but I am not prepared to let my abuser win. I have good days - and nights - and bad ones. But in my opinion it is all worth fighting for.

 

[Rumors]

Mainly sad. Sad that intimacy will always feel scary and dirty. Sad to think I could go my whole life and never know what a true intimate relationship is and what it feels like or having someone really understand me and have that connection. I have never known that or felt safe enough in a relationship to know that. Sorry, didn't mean to go there.

 

[FallingDown]

Hello everyone.

Sex, in the beginning part of a relationship, for me is fine, even enjoyable. But as soon as I become closer and more comfortable with the person, really start caring, then the feelings change...it then feels like I'm having sex with my father or brother...the only two adult males I've ever felt that close to before becoming sexually active. I often wonder like many of you if a normal life with the opposite sex is possible after the multiple rape traumas I endured as a kid. When I was married, I'd just lie there during sex, biting my lip, and tears silently streaming in the dark. It felt so awful...like I was being raped all over again! We tried to talk about it, but He didn't understand, hell, even I didn't. I tried, but it was just too hard to have sex with him...that's why we divorced...I'm very scared to try again. But, longing for male companionship, I guess I will.:affection:

 

[bailz]

FallingDown: I am that same way! When my current boyfriend and I got together we were intimate almost every time we saw each other. This lasted for about 6 months and then we had a more "normal" sexual relationship with intimacy occuring once a week ..until a year in. After that I started with the crying before, during, or after. Then I slowly withdrew from him and up until now (we're at about 1 year and 11 months in) we only have relations about once every 6 weeks. And that's not healthy at all, and even though I know that it has been difficult to remain intimate. Now that I've been here on this forum I try to recognize my problem and then try to focus on strengthening our relationship through this way and others..I've also realized that when I withdrew from intimacy that I also failed to nurture the relationship any more.

I guess I am just saying that I did enjoy the intimacy during the beginning of the relationship just like you. I just had to elaborate. ;)