Hi everyone,
I have been with my partner for nearly two years. She has CPTSD and experienced sustained and long term trauma as a child. She has a therapist and has been working at it with that person and a support group for several years.
Our first year together was hard as I took some of the things I now know are a result of this illness personally. At some point I realized that it is not me...that her paranoia about infidelity, her need for constant reassurance, and such was not a dig at my character, but a result of her own trauma. So I don't react negatively nearly as much as I once did. I am generally much more supportive this past year as a result of just that shift in mentality.
However, I don't see that this shift on my part has helped the relationship and her be more trusting. And over the past 9 months or so, I think that she has become a lot worse. It is almost constant needing of reassurance, asking the same questions over and over and over.
It is a lot to deal with and sometimes is just overwhelming. Right now I am really struggling with whether to end the relationship. She needs so much support and if I cannot give it, she gets angry, throws tantrums (lots of loud crying, sometimes she yells at me, etc), gives me the silent treatment, and other behaviors like that. But I care about her and want her to be happy. She is intelligent, talented, and beautiful person and I value her wisdom and opinion. I trust her and her views. So it is not all negative. But damn...this CPTSD is like a grenade in the room and takes over every space, and does so nearly all the time nowadays. I don't have anybody to talk to about it. Found this forum after hours of searching for family support on this.
We are planning to see a therapist together through Zoom starting this Saturday, so maybe that will help. But I already get the sense that she thinks this is mostly about me learning about CPTSD so I can help her. I agree...I want to learn more and get tools. I would also, however, like to see some movement on her part perhaps...I don't know. This is really, really hard.
I have been with my partner for nearly two years. She has CPTSD and experienced sustained and long term trauma as a child. She has a therapist and has been working at it with that person and a support group for several years.
Our first year together was hard as I took some of the things I now know are a result of this illness personally. At some point I realized that it is not me...that her paranoia about infidelity, her need for constant reassurance, and such was not a dig at my character, but a result of her own trauma. So I don't react negatively nearly as much as I once did. I am generally much more supportive this past year as a result of just that shift in mentality.
However, I don't see that this shift on my part has helped the relationship and her be more trusting. And over the past 9 months or so, I think that she has become a lot worse. It is almost constant needing of reassurance, asking the same questions over and over and over.
It is a lot to deal with and sometimes is just overwhelming. Right now I am really struggling with whether to end the relationship. She needs so much support and if I cannot give it, she gets angry, throws tantrums (lots of loud crying, sometimes she yells at me, etc), gives me the silent treatment, and other behaviors like that. But I care about her and want her to be happy. She is intelligent, talented, and beautiful person and I value her wisdom and opinion. I trust her and her views. So it is not all negative. But damn...this CPTSD is like a grenade in the room and takes over every space, and does so nearly all the time nowadays. I don't have anybody to talk to about it. Found this forum after hours of searching for family support on this.
We are planning to see a therapist together through Zoom starting this Saturday, so maybe that will help. But I already get the sense that she thinks this is mostly about me learning about CPTSD so I can help her. I agree...I want to learn more and get tools. I would also, however, like to see some movement on her part perhaps...I don't know. This is really, really hard.