Relationship Fighting To Stay Optimistic

[natmatt727]

Hello! Brand new to the forums, and looking for some words of wisdom. My husband and I have been together since our senior year of high school--so almost 17 years <3. He served in the Navy right after high school, and we were married during his second year in. He was medically discharged after 5 years (so over 10 years ago), and he's never quite been the same. The most succinct way that I can think of to describe it, is that his zest for life is gone. He has a service connected disability (diagnosed with PTSD, severe depression, and anxiety) and has received care through the VA and Vet Centers. He seemed to be doing well for a while, completed his undergrad, was social and got into a very tough law school. We moved for him to go to law school, and he was going to classes, practicing martial arts, and interning. But, he got overwhelmed and despite years of trying he couldn't complete his law degree, and would was overcome with anxiety/poor sleep, etc. Over time, he shared more with me about his traumas experienced in the service, so I know he has been through a lot and he has sought care for that from professionals.

For the last two and a half years, he has been at home and not working or pursuing school. I'm able to support us financially with my career, but it kills me to see him like this. We have been in couples therapy for a while, and I go to individual therapy, but I'm having a hard time feeling optimistic about our future. He is extremely isolated from family and friends, and when I try to encourage him to join me in activities or socializing, it is so hard for him to participate. His family has stopped reaching out to him, and he seems unfazed. I don't know what else to do to help him, and don't see a solution. I want to see him enjoying life again, even just the little, every day things. When I try to talk to him about that, about my desire to see him happy again, he says that he is happy, and that he prefers to be alone rather than feeling lonely around other people. What's realistic to expect? Does this get better over time?

 

[glass half full]

Hello! Brand new to the forums, and looking for some words of wisdom. My husband and I have been tog...

You mentioned that he was working with professionals- past tense, not present tense. Is he currently in PTSD specific therapy? If not, it sounds like he should be. Hopefully this is something you can encourage him to do. It sounds like he is just hanging out at home pretty aimlessly? That kind of ongoing isolation takes a toll on people. I get it that people with PTSD often find bring around other people to be draining at best, but isolation can be seductive, not necessarily in a positive way.

 

[natmatt727]

You mentioned that he was working with professionals- past tense, not present tense. Is he curre...

Thank you for the note back! He has not had individual counseling since this winter. We plan to move in a few months, so his thinking has been that it'll make much more sense to start with a new counselor, once we move.

 

[glass half full]

Thank you for the note back! He has not had individual counseling since this winter. We plan to move...

On the face of it, that makes sense. At the same time it has a bit of a ring of avoidance to it. Sorry, but I have a lot of experience with avoiders, even without PTSD. Starting therapy now could make the whole moving process less stressful when the time comes. If he is unwilling to consider adapting to a new therapist, how will he deal with the extensive changes that the whole process of moving house entails? Just sayin'...