Fights

[Viosinger]

I can feel like I'm doing well. But when my relationship hits a bump (like moving in together in my little apartment for a month then moving to a new, more expensive place). He's terrible at communicating when he's upset, takes forever to process.

In the meantime, I'm gutted and every excessive emotion comes back as a tidal wave. I shut down. I flip between immobilized in needing some resolution, especially in my personal and intimate life and boiling, bitter, self-defensive anger.

But now I don't have my night or 2 a week to myself to just shut down without it being visible to him. I'm scared. I feel so broken.

He deserves space to have feelings and anger. But I die internally while he does.

 

[KwanYingirl]

I can tell by your words that you are in great distress. Are you regretting moving in together? I'm not sure if that's what is distressing you.

 

[Viosinger]

I am... Well, right now I'm tired, excited to finish work but sad I won't be able to just crash like I want to probably.

I'm wondering if it's a mistake. Hoping it's just a rough adjustment. I just want to feel loved & supported. Not annoying & cold-shouldered.

 

[Viosinger]

Got home... And he's... Just going about his day. So now I'm even more confused, disappointed, and I worry that I went through all of today as a wreck, and he's just oblivious to being angry, cold, hurtful? Gah. Gym time. Try to make something healthy out of this.

 

[KwanYingirl]

I'm sorry you are distressed. Not sure I can give you advice because I have struggled in all my romantic relationships. I do identify with wanting to be alone for down time. My ex complained that I was always in crisis mode and it wasn't his fault that I couldn't just sit back and relax. I agree with him. It's quite healthy to sit and relax. I'm using meditation to quiet my mind. It's hard but gets easier. Good luck I hope you find the answers to your questions.

 

[Viosinger]

Thanks :-)

 

[Viosinger]

Good news is we talked through some things when he was finally ready last night. Today I feel much better, but I'm not sure he understands how exhausted stress like yesterday leaves me. Luckily, tomorrow it's therapy day.