Finally Feeling Anger, And A Little Worried

[Mike G]

For many years now, I have been going through life with no feelings. I know it has always been my way of survival. Been in an episode for the last few weeks, and have noticed I am getting angry about all the sacrifices I have made with my body. Re-injured an old service injury, and I am having to give up more things I enjoy as usual. Isolating, stuck trying to rehab my body. Been through this before - multiple surgeries, and recovery - however this time I am just tired. The one thing I have experienced now that I haven't before is anger. I am just angry all the time now. Find myself wanting to react to others, short fused, and just plain pissed I gave so much and got so little in return. I am still keeping it in, but it worries me how much I resent stuff. I tried to leave behind the soldier I was, because when the music stopped for me overseas, I didn't want to let that guy back out of the box - I scared myself. Basically I need some advice on A) getting out of another deep isolating PTSD episode, and B) how to deal with years of suppressed anger from all the crap that went on in the sandbox. Retired 2 yrs ago, and I must say - this is the hardest mission I have ever been on, and no one is shooting at me. I feel weak, and powerless.

 

[Zipperhead]

Are you going to a therapist? Are you on any meds? I find he meds I'm on do help moderate the anger.

 

[Ned]

Understood Mike and recognise all of that. Getting the feelings back is actually progress, bonkers as it sounds. And anger is always at the front of the queue.
Talking it out helps, as does the right meds. I found the meds just the right first aid to get the anxiety, hyper-vigilance and painful anger within manageable levels.
Which means, as Zip says, therapy and meds.
This site is full of good battle-tested advice, take a while to read around.

 

[Sleeping Dragon]

Mike,

I'm new to this site, but not to post traumatic stress. Over the years I've learned that there's no way to avoid the demons and dragons. They are as much a part of me as the guy who reads stories to his grandkids.

I hate my dragon for turning me into a stone cold killer because that's a huge cause of my isolation. But, I'll never let him go cause he's the reason I made it home. There are days when it takes everything I have to keep him in check. On those days I don't go into town, never watch the news, take long walks and kick the s..t out of my heavy punching bag to name just a few of my baby steps. Some times they work, sometimes they don't. But, trying them gets me through the day.

As a Vietnam vet. I understand the rage. Three things help me most:
I give myself time to let it pass
I never beat myself up over failures or problems even if I was the cause.
I find a battle buddy, and talk with them. And, you're in luck. This site is full of them. So, welcome.

SD