Orglethorp
Not Active
Hello! I've been a member here for nearly a year now "as a sufferer," but I foresee playing the role of supporter for someone else in the very near future.
I'm a sorority president, and we're well into our fall recruitment period now. One of the young ladies who seems to be a great fit and will most likely receive a bid (offer of membership) after interviews seems to have become quite attached to me in particular whenever the potential new members come out to events with us. This is perfectly fine with me, as we get along well and I can already tell that she's someone I would like to be close friends with regardless of whether or not she makes it in.
Today was the Terry Fox Run (an annual cancer research fundraiser held in cities across Canada and internationally), and since most of our girls planned to walk it, we allowed two of our potentials to bring their dogs. This girl brought two, and was clearly going to be hard pressed to control both in such a crowd with other excited dogs around, so I walked one of them with her. We chatted together and with the group for the first half of the run, but by the second half we had settled into a slightly faster pace than the other walkers from our group and had left them behind a bit. That's when she started telling me about her abusive father, childhood bullying experiences, workplace bullying experiences, attempts to run away from home, and her (very recent) struggles with depression, self injury and suicidal ideation. So much of her story sounded like mine. Not the acts or details necessarily, but the impact of it all and how it has changed how she thinks about herself and the world around her. She's the same age I was when PTSD caught up with me.
I told her that I've had similar experiences, and that when I say I understand where she's coming from, I really do. I mentioned having an abusive father, but didn't share my own details. I didn't want to stop her from telling me what she wanted to say before she was ready to stop, and by the time that happened, we'd reached the end of the walk and were now surrounded by people we knew again. I told her sincerely that I'm here for her if she ever needs to talk to someone who understands, and she's said she will.
Later today, those of us who are full-fledge sisters of the sorority were discussing our impressions of the potentials so far, and someone brought their concerns about how we're going to decide who mentors who during their new member (sometimes called "pledge") period. Another of our potentials is the roommate of one of our actives, and through that contact is already frequently in the company of half of the sorority. We're just the founding mothers class right now - 6 ladies - so that doesn't leave many of us who would be appropriate to be her mentor. I took this opportunity to announce that I would be taking on the girl I've been speaking about above (not the roommate girl) if she receives a bid. (We refer to them as our little sisters, or "Littles," and we are their "Bigs").
I don't know yet if this girl is comfortable disclosing her story to all of the girls, or if she's actually decided to trust me this much so quickly. I think the fact that I was the one who went looking for her when we were gathering the team today, that we share a passion for dogs, and that I help with her fur babies could all be factors that made her more comfortable with me, but this is still only the third time I've spoken with her. Either way, regardless of whether or not she chooses to tell the other actives about her past, there's only one other who will have any sort of personal experience to draw from (not her own experience, but someone close to her), and that person is the active in charge of educating the new members. She can't be seen to have a favourite. It's obvious to me that this makes me the best fit to be this girl's mentor.
So, I'm looking for advice from supporters. I don't know if she knows what PTSD is or if she's been diagnosed, but I can already tell from the way she talks about herself and others that she does have it. I think it's great that she's about to gain such a close-knit group of life-long friends at such a pivotal point in her life, and I really wish I had this when I was in her place. I also know that when I was her age, just starting to wrap my head around PTSD and how to try to live with it, I would have given anything to have a supporter who had been through it. That being said, I don't know what, when and how much of my own advice and experiences I should share with her.
I'm also thinking ahead to November when the new members will become our sisters. As a Panhellenic sorority, strictly speaking, we do not haze. There are no dangerous, embarrassing or illegal stunts required of our new members during their new member ("pledge") period. It is, however, traditional to have a bit of fun with them the night before their pinning. Call it initiation, if you will. I just went through it recently myself, as we're a brand new chapter, and sisters from the other chapters came out to give us the complete experience. I can't reveal what happens, but I think it's safe to say that we test their dedication to the sorority and reinforce their bonds with each other by letting them think for a few hours that they are collectively failing their final test (of sorority/Greek life knowledge). In truth, if they've been invited, they're already pretty much in. I had moments during my initiation when I was fighting very, very hard against oncoming panic attacks from the stress of the night. I was successful, but I've been learning to cope with this for 7 years now. I'm very torn between whether or not I should break the rules and give this girl some reassurance immediately before the initiation. I want very much to tell her "You can't tell this to any of the other girls, no matter what, and no one can ever know that I've told you, but regardless of what you think is going on over the next few hours, don't worry." It's vague enough that it wouldn't spoil anything, but it's enough that she might not have to get too stressed. The problem is that if I did tell her and she told the other potentials, then it would ruin the night for everyone, and if she told the actives, I'd be in trouble.
I'm a sorority president, and we're well into our fall recruitment period now. One of the young ladies who seems to be a great fit and will most likely receive a bid (offer of membership) after interviews seems to have become quite attached to me in particular whenever the potential new members come out to events with us. This is perfectly fine with me, as we get along well and I can already tell that she's someone I would like to be close friends with regardless of whether or not she makes it in.
Today was the Terry Fox Run (an annual cancer research fundraiser held in cities across Canada and internationally), and since most of our girls planned to walk it, we allowed two of our potentials to bring their dogs. This girl brought two, and was clearly going to be hard pressed to control both in such a crowd with other excited dogs around, so I walked one of them with her. We chatted together and with the group for the first half of the run, but by the second half we had settled into a slightly faster pace than the other walkers from our group and had left them behind a bit. That's when she started telling me about her abusive father, childhood bullying experiences, workplace bullying experiences, attempts to run away from home, and her (very recent) struggles with depression, self injury and suicidal ideation. So much of her story sounded like mine. Not the acts or details necessarily, but the impact of it all and how it has changed how she thinks about herself and the world around her. She's the same age I was when PTSD caught up with me.
I told her that I've had similar experiences, and that when I say I understand where she's coming from, I really do. I mentioned having an abusive father, but didn't share my own details. I didn't want to stop her from telling me what she wanted to say before she was ready to stop, and by the time that happened, we'd reached the end of the walk and were now surrounded by people we knew again. I told her sincerely that I'm here for her if she ever needs to talk to someone who understands, and she's said she will.
Later today, those of us who are full-fledge sisters of the sorority were discussing our impressions of the potentials so far, and someone brought their concerns about how we're going to decide who mentors who during their new member (sometimes called "pledge") period. Another of our potentials is the roommate of one of our actives, and through that contact is already frequently in the company of half of the sorority. We're just the founding mothers class right now - 6 ladies - so that doesn't leave many of us who would be appropriate to be her mentor. I took this opportunity to announce that I would be taking on the girl I've been speaking about above (not the roommate girl) if she receives a bid. (We refer to them as our little sisters, or "Littles," and we are their "Bigs").
I don't know yet if this girl is comfortable disclosing her story to all of the girls, or if she's actually decided to trust me this much so quickly. I think the fact that I was the one who went looking for her when we were gathering the team today, that we share a passion for dogs, and that I help with her fur babies could all be factors that made her more comfortable with me, but this is still only the third time I've spoken with her. Either way, regardless of whether or not she chooses to tell the other actives about her past, there's only one other who will have any sort of personal experience to draw from (not her own experience, but someone close to her), and that person is the active in charge of educating the new members. She can't be seen to have a favourite. It's obvious to me that this makes me the best fit to be this girl's mentor.
So, I'm looking for advice from supporters. I don't know if she knows what PTSD is or if she's been diagnosed, but I can already tell from the way she talks about herself and others that she does have it. I think it's great that she's about to gain such a close-knit group of life-long friends at such a pivotal point in her life, and I really wish I had this when I was in her place. I also know that when I was her age, just starting to wrap my head around PTSD and how to try to live with it, I would have given anything to have a supporter who had been through it. That being said, I don't know what, when and how much of my own advice and experiences I should share with her.
I'm also thinking ahead to November when the new members will become our sisters. As a Panhellenic sorority, strictly speaking, we do not haze. There are no dangerous, embarrassing or illegal stunts required of our new members during their new member ("pledge") period. It is, however, traditional to have a bit of fun with them the night before their pinning. Call it initiation, if you will. I just went through it recently myself, as we're a brand new chapter, and sisters from the other chapters came out to give us the complete experience. I can't reveal what happens, but I think it's safe to say that we test their dedication to the sorority and reinforce their bonds with each other by letting them think for a few hours that they are collectively failing their final test (of sorority/Greek life knowledge). In truth, if they've been invited, they're already pretty much in. I had moments during my initiation when I was fighting very, very hard against oncoming panic attacks from the stress of the night. I was successful, but I've been learning to cope with this for 7 years now. I'm very torn between whether or not I should break the rules and give this girl some reassurance immediately before the initiation. I want very much to tell her "You can't tell this to any of the other girls, no matter what, and no one can ever know that I've told you, but regardless of what you think is going on over the next few hours, don't worry." It's vague enough that it wouldn't spoil anything, but it's enough that she might not have to get too stressed. The problem is that if I did tell her and she told the other potentials, then it would ruin the night for everyone, and if she told the actives, I'd be in trouble.
