First Experience With A Professional Was A Disaster; Walked Out

[Skylynx]

Well, good riddance to that good-for-nothing intake "person" (I won't give her the credit of a title). Why do they assign the worst for the initial interview which is certainly one of the most important? But, you sound intelligent and prepared to be serious about your situation, according to the study you've already done on yourself, and there are some really good therapists out there. I have one now who is not even a PhD but a psychiatric social worker, but uses the current dynamic relationship therapy that has turned out to be especially healing for abuse and PTSD clients.

 

[RavensPOE]

Well, that was worse then I have imagined. And I was scared shitless of today.


I have not had a single...

I have walked out of therapy sessions several times.
I think there is a difference between "smart" people
and "intelligent" people:

--A smart person can't be taught anything: they already know it all.
A smart ass= a dumb ass

--An intelligent person has the desire and willingness to learn.

For the most part--I think the majority of my therapists did nothing
but take my money & listen to me for an hour. They weren't interested
in helping me whatsoever. Also, many of them were not sexually abused
as children. In my opinion (and this is just my own, personal opinion)--
I do not think therapists should be therapists...trying to help others
if they didn't live through the experience(s) themselves.

Also, I have a very hard time trying to respect someone
who I think is dumber than a box of rocks.

My PTSD is a combination of 2 traumas:
1. I was sexually molested and raped from ages 3-10
by a male physician.

2. I began having nightmares about the Holocaust 3 years later--at age 13.
Many of which--I am either being raped by the Third Reich, or am watching
them rape other children. I have had the Holocaust nightmares for 30 years.

I started going to therapists before high school was over.
I am currently 44.

None of them could ever make the nightmares stop...or even lessen.
All of my therapists were women.
All they wanted to do is tell me how a man thinks, acts, desires, etc.
None of them were interested in getting to the core of what was truly WRONG with me.

I am not sure if you are a spiritual person?
If so--I am going to make a suggestion:
Perhaps try searching for a therapist who has the same spiritual/ religious/ faith beliefs as you do.

The spirituality component WAS what was missing from my therapy sessions.
The Rabbis at the ASK A RABBI LINK via Chabad
were kind enough to match me with a Rabbi in 2012, who is also a licensed therapist.
He works with PTSD patients.
He has been the only therapist who has been able to get my nightmares to stop,
decrease my anxiety, and help me improve. All of my other therapy sessions?
I felt better during the session....but once I left the anxiety just came back.

Also, I think it is very beneficial for me for my therapist to be a spiritual advisor
who is also male. I was sexually abused by a man as a child for many years.
I am learning how to trust a male, who also happens to be my Rabbi AND my therapist.
I have found this relationship to be quite beautiful.

I hope this helps...

Well, that was worse then I have imagined. And I was scared shitless of today.


I have not had a single...

 

[joeylittle]

@RavensPOE, I have noticed that you have tended to repeat the details of your personal story in multiple responses. This is absolutely allowed, and not against the rules - however, we do try and discourage duplicating content across sub-forums. I'll encourage you to start a thread in the Introductions sub-forum, and you could then link back to it whenever you'd like to include your background within a post.

Thanks!

 

[Deleted member 1860]

--A smart person can't be taught anything: they already know it all.
A smart ass= a dumb ass

--An intelligent person has the desire and willingness to learn.

Good point.

 

[Fadeaway]

I am so sorry for your guys experience. I always assumed that because they have better healthcare in Germany than the U.S. that your mental health would be the same. I live in the State with the worst mental health in the U.S. IMHO and and bad mental health can be worse than none.

 

[Mallaky]

Thanks for your supports. Its so very appreciated.


Unfortunately that friggin fudging nightmare is still going on.

Last week tuesday I was supposed to have an appointment with a trauma specialist. Was walking on the walls already the day before, but then she called and had to cancel. That did not feel good, that did not feel good at all. One big part of my troubles is early childhood neglect, and boy did I feel left alone. Again. Am not coping well at all. For weeks now that continous stress of having to talk about that stuff soon is driving me insane. When will it end? Was going totaly mental the whole weekend and then my ass gets canceled on. I dont want to be a selfcentered child, but jeeeeez it would have been so nice if she had called friday and not monday. Well okay, its done now. Did survive that week, so no use dwelling.

In two days I have my next appointment. That therapist is from a trauma specialist database from the internet, just as the one who cancled. Thinking about talking of my shit to strangers, especially after the disaster of my first meeting (see thread opener) makes me go all panicky and dissociated. I guess, that is because I try to prepare mentally, and that meens recalling all the unpleasentness, which is triggering.

So, long story short: Life is very hard right now, wednesday a big day is coming. I guess its going to be a very pleasent or unpleasent. Cant see how it could be a mediocre experience. I just wish the waiting was over. The waiting is horrible. I want to go into action-mode.

I did so much progress the last months, but since the first experience with that dumbass hag I made many steps back. My nutrition gone to shit again, and I dont do my excercise. My sleep cycle is totally f*cked again and in generell I am much more symptomatic.
I try not beating myself up over it because I know I will get better again once the intense stress lessens. Always is that way with me. So that is good to know.

Honestly guys, I dont know what to do if this appointment goes to shit too. I will have 4 week waiting till the next, and it would bring many many problems with it. I am on wellfare an they need an attest, otherwise they will send me through their meatgrinder and I really, really, really want to avoid that. So im pretty desparate for this to work out. If I get lucky this time I will feel like I earned it.

Please, wish me luck someone. Need it. I will try to distract myself now, otherwise I will implode and it will form a black hole and all of earth will be sucked into the singularity and then I will be responsible for the end of all life. Nobody got time for that.