DID First experiences of unification

[Wendell_R]

Twice in the past few weeks I have had an inkling of what it's like to be unified. My most confident and at-ease part, Lady, was present. I had a sense that all my other parts were in my mind and body at once. I could sense all their unique voices being in one place at once.

In one sense, my experience was comforting. I now know that my parts can come together without any of them dying. My littles in particular worry about dying if they lose their sense of self.

But the experience was also uncomfortable. Little Wendell suddenly was aware of having an adult body and being too close to the adult sexuality that he fears.

I can tell it's too early to even want to unify (I don't know if it's fully possible, even if I do want to). The experience was interesting, but not something that I aspire to. The experience made me aware of how separated my parts can be from my body. That Little Wendell, and others, when they are out live only partly in my actual body and partly in an imaginary body.

Has anyone else had similar experiences? Or experiences of your sense of selves & body shifting?

 

[Cypress]

I have had a somewhat similar experience during therapy I sometimes have a sense of all of my selves huddled together and listening.

I have also spontaneously integrated a couple of parts that were internal enforcers of a system of "rules". Once I gave up the rules, I guess I didn't need those parts anymore.

I am not opposed to integration of all of my parts. I hope one day to be whole.

 

[TruthSeeker]

@Cypress The children loved therapy...

Twice in the past few weeks I have had an inkling of what it's like to be unified. My most confident and at-ease part, Lady, was present. I had a sense that all my other parts were in my mind and body at once. I could sense all their unique voices being in one place at once.

In one sense, my experience was comforting. I now know that my parts can come together without any of them dying. My littles in particular worry about dying if they lose their sense of self.

But the experience was also uncomfortable. Little Wendell suddenly was aware of having an adult body and being too close to the adult sexuality that he fears.

I can tell it's too early to even want to unify (I don't know if it's fully possible, even if I do want to). The experience was interesting, but not something that I aspire to. The experience made me aware of how separated my parts can be from my body. That Little Wendell, and others, when they are out live only partly in my actual body and partly in an imaginary body.

Has anyone else had similar experiences? Or experiences of your sense of selves & body shifting?

Yep, they switch sometimes....I can be watching a really good sci-fi series, and then something happens...a switch.....and suddenly no part of me can watch the show-time for Sound of Music or Anne of Green Gables or the Incredibles. Changing gears is hard to....because the sci-fi part isn't happy. Integration is a good goal....but my T isn't all that and then some about integration. She's more about communication and contentment. We'll see.

 

[Wendell_R]

I hope one day to be whole.

I am waiting to understand better one day what it means to "be whole". I don't understand how to combine the Littles and my sexuality, for example. It's fine right now since they can go someplace safe while I'm sexual, but how does that work if I'm unified? I like the idea of "giving up rules"!

She's more about communication and contentment. We'll see.

This is where I am right now. My therapist says that since I've just recently become aware of some of my parts, it's good to let them have a chance to talk and be heard before we think about unification.

 

[TruthSeeker]

Yeah.....whole as opposed to broken, pieces, parts? Maybe a good goal for me at my age is functional and content.....rather than whole....but whole sounds like a good...where do you go after wholeness-can you become unwhole if a new part is found, or some catastrophy happens to upset wholeness? Just don't know what to make of it.

 

[Cypress]

@TruthSeeker I found this essay about integration on the Sidran Institute website that helped clarified it for me. It was written by a therapist who had been treated for DID and ultimately integrated. She says post-integration therapy is 1/3 to 1/4 of total treatment.

Her definition of integration was this: At the most basic level, integration simply means acceptance/ownership of all thoughts, feelings, fears, beliefs, experiences and memories (often labeled as personalities) as me/mine.

 

[TruthSeeker]

Sounds kinda like mine....still have a ways to go.!?