First Therapy Appointment

[Pinkplatypus]

Hello,

I'm finally going for my first "real" therapy session, but it's only happening about 3 weeks from now because they're full. It sucks it's going to be in 3 weeks time because I'm freaking out over it. I keep bouncing between cancelling and leaving it.

I don't know who my counsellor is but I only know that it's a male therapist. Other than that, I don't know anything else and it's killing me.
Has anyone ever felt nervous starting therapy because:
1) Afraid that your therapist won't be a good fit
2) You won't know what to say
3) Afraid it won't work and you'll let people down/waste people's time
4) Afraid the therapist will judge you

I think I'm just very afraid of the unknown now and it's driving me nuts.

 

[desiderata310]

Yep.
My first time in therapy, I had emailed the guy late one night in a fit of desperation. He emailed me back first thing the next morning and after a round of battles with my insurance,we set up our first appointment. Between the time I first emailed and my first appointment wound up being almost three weeks because of the insurance mess.

It ver rarely rains where I live. The day I went to see him it was raining and it seems I was the only person he had at that time of day. When I arrived a few minutes early, the door was closed, locked and the lights were off. I started to walk back when I heard him call out my name. He was walking in from the other direction. I had actually hoped HE would be the no show.

I recently started seeing a new psychiatrist as well. My first time in her office my friend was texting with me while I sat in the waiting room because I was ready to bail.

And yes, I was afraid of all those things that you listed and it's turned out ok (Well my psychatrist is a really horrible flake but that's another story- I need her for meds not talk therapy)

GO. Seriously. You aren't wasting their time unless you don't show up.

 

[Pinkplatypus]

@desiderata310 Yea, I think why I'm terrified is because I had a very bad experience with the psychiatrist and I'm really afraid that would happen again. ahhh. I dont think I will bail? I hope. Because my rational side will tell me that I'll have to wait 3 weeks again, but I can imagine myself pacing outside the centre for more than an hour before going in.

 

[desiderata310]

I understand that sometimes it takes a few tries to find the right 'fit' with a professional. TRY not to get discouraged.
Go in remembering that most of these people get into this profession because they like helping people. You will hit the occasional odd ball but the overriding majority just want to help.

You've got this! Seriously, good job deciding to go. I know it's hard.

 

[desiderata310]

Out of curiosity: what country are you from ? I don't recognize the flag.

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

I've had three therapy sessions now. I was absolutely terrified. For me, it stemmed from the age old running monologue in my head that tells me I'm just being dramatic, there's nothing wrong with me, and if I try hard enough I can overcome everything on my own. I panicked for days. Of course, once I showed up, it was totally fine. The anticipation is always worse than the action.

 

[Pinkplatypus]

@desiderata310 I'm from Singapore (: oh, the thing is I dont think I'll be able to change if it's not a good fit because they're assigned to you and I can't afford anything outside of that clinic + I'm not the kind that would say anything even if I felt uncomfortable + this clinic is supposedly very good and came recommended and I dont know anywhere else (price and quality wise)

@theshadowoftheliving thank goodness I'm not the only one. I totally agree with that. I'm like, hey, there's nothing wrong with me when I'm trying to be normal and not going crazy. I'm still (somewhat) functional, maybe just give this "trying a bit harder" thing more time (I've lived with this for 10 years without seeking help). so has therapy convinced you that you needed extra help other than your own efforts?

 

[desiderata310]

@Pinkplatypus
Singapore?! COOL!!

Yes. Actually, I've come to realize that I've been trying to deal with this mess in my head on my own in a very ineffective manner.
I was talking to my best friend yesterday about this. I've been frustrated because I don't feel I am making any progress. He said that he CAN see it. There's a real difference in how I respond.

I hope that you get someone good and it is a really positive expereince for you. Meanwhile keep posting.

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

@Pinkplatypus Yes, it's convinced me. I'm realizing how not put together I am and how many decisions I've made based on avoidance and fear. It's actually a really weird thing to come to the realization that you're falling apart more than you ever realized, despite holding it together job wise, etc. I'm also realizing that I dissociate much more than I ever thought, which is a little scary - since I knew that dissociation was such a problem, anyways ....

 

[Deleted member 12723]

My first day of therapy I had to travel very busy and complicated freeways and I sweating from anxiety when I arrived at the office.

I had illusions that if I went to therapy, three months I would be on my merry way. I discovered a reality so dark in the session and to top it off the therapist told me she could not see me anymore so the office assigned me a therapist much closer to home.

It was the best decision I ever made to break the cycles of abuse in my own family.

 

[Deleted member 28942]

YES to all points you made. It is totally normal and understandable to have those fears. The important thing is to keep your courage and go to therapy even though you have the fears. If the therapists doesn't end up being a good fit you can find another one.

 

[mrsps]

I think we all have these fears!! Please don't bail. Most therapists are normally understanding people and he will know you are nervous!!

I started with a new T 5 weeks ago. I was lucky in the fact that this T specializes in sexual abuse so anyone that goes to see her is going for this reason. So at least I didn't have to tell her that is why I was there. But as I was unsure how the 1st session would go what would be talked about etc and she doesn't know me I decided to write a list to read to her. On the list I had written things that I thought about myself, I am stubborn, shy, insecure etc and gave a brief outline of where I had live and about my family and work etc. I found this helped to break the ice so to speak.
Sorry you have to wait 3 weeks for your appointment I know that is a very long time when you are in need of support.
Take care :)