First Time Dissociating In Therapy?

[Lisa583]

hi in therapy my therapist asked me what things affect me on a daily basis. I remember saying I don't know I looked at her then looked back at my hands and said I don't like talking about the bad stuff. Next think I know is that everything is black and I can hear my own voice saying really loudly tell her, tell her about him hurting me this kept repeating itself until I heard her voice asking me what I am thinking. I can then see my hands again and they are in a fist with my nails digging into my palms and it was the first time I could feel it hurting. I opened up my hand and could see imprints of my nails. I opened and closed my hands a few times thinking how to tell her and then I said that my nails are getting long. She said that's a defective answer I couldn't even answer her I just carried on saying we need short nails for work she responded by saying about her nails. I then remember talking about something but I don't know how whether she asked me a question or I just started talking but I can't remember what I was saying as its all a blurr but I remember saying I'm ok though and she responded by saying she knows I'm doing ok and then she must of asked me a question which changed the topic as we started talking about something else and I can't remember how but she didn't say I deflected so it must of been her or maybe she was being nice and let me off that time I don't know. Normally I sit playing with my sleeves the whole time I'm there and just fidget more if I start feeling anxious. This was the first time ever I had sat completely still. Has anyone experiences this or got any advice if it is dissociating or something else. Thank you

 

[Sideways]

Yes, totally been there. Apparently I go into amazing detail about my childhood trauma when I dissociate in therapy.

I think it's important to have a very grounded discussion with your T about what was happening for you. If she's across trauma & dissociation, then she will know that recounting or revisiting your trauma can be helpful in therapy, BUT not if you're dissociated at the time.

We know that retelling trauma while in a dissociative state has no evidence to demonstrate that it's therapeutically helpful, but there is increasing evidence that it actually retraumatises part of your brain. If you are working through your trauma with your T, it's important that you both know the signs to indicate that you have dissociated so that you can stop and get yourself grounded again...and keep at it:)

 

[Lisa583]

we haven't really talked much about it. I'm not sure what I was saying at one point though but I don't think it was directly about it. It's scary that I've been talking and have no idea what she knows or what she's worked out. I'm seeing her tomorrow but not sure if I can face going back as nervous about what will happen or if she brings it up

 

[Sideways]

It is scary - knowing that we're functioning and having conversations that we can't control and don't remember, that's scary. But it is manageable.

Feel free to be up front at your next appointment - when she asks how you are, tell her straight up, "Look there's parts of our last appointment that I don't remember and I felt like I wasn't in control of what I was saying..." Gets her to deal with the issue with you first, before there's any opportunity for you to be triggered again:)

 

[sun seeker]

We know that retelling trauma while in a dissociative state has no evidence to demonstrate that it's therapeutically helpful, but there is increasing evidence that it actually retraumatises part of your brain.

Interesting, I didn't know that. Not much danger of it because I can't talk much when dissociated anyway, but good to know, thank you.