Relationship First Time Poster Here. Need Help Understanding My Girlfriends Drastic Back And Forth Behavior

[blue_eyes18]

You're absolutely right. I've honestly never loved someone who is suffering like this before and it has brought out a side of me I'm not familiar with. I have this overwhelming urge to try to keep her safe, even though I know I can't. And it's been at my own emotional expense. At this point, I am beginning to start working on me. Taking care of me. I guess I just loved her that much, it kills me to see her suffer.

 

[Snowangel1225]

By staying with her, you are enabling her to continue. Walking away at this point is the most loving thing you can do for her and yourself.

 

[blue_eyes18]

Thank you so much for your honesty. Those are very true and wise words. That's what we have done. We currently are not speaking and she is getting help. We both finally recognized the damage that was being inflicted. She didn't want to hurt me anymore and I realized she needs to be on her own to heal.

She had gotten away from going to her psychiatrist every week, like she had been doing. When she was going weekly, she was stable. She stopped going about a month ago and all hell broke loose.

We have both let each other go to heal.

 

[anonymous]

That sounds horrible. Poor girl. Now that you've explained it more fully it does sound like PTSD and I feel bad for judging. Just goes to show you can't have enough knowledge to judge another person on these forums. I think I was projecting my own experiences. I feel horrible now and I hope she feels better.

 

[Abstract]

It is very hard to see someone we care about hurting and not be able to fix it. Especially when they acting out in anger at the same time.

All your further information could fit very neatly into PTSD and it wouldn't have to be schizophrenia actually. I think it just sounds like she is still very unwell at present and probably needs to stabilise and learn some coping skills before she can cope with a relationship and before you can have a better idea of who she is.

You mention it seeming as if she is two people. I think we all feel like at least two. If I can explain it this way then lets say someone tried to kill you when I was 8. If you imagine an 8 year and the terror being stuck in the brain and then those exact feelings coming back randomly then that probably gives an idea of why someone would change personality so much and so suddenly. It usually comes instantaneously and without warning. Often one doesn't see other sensory things (sight, sound) and it is just the emotion that is there and until someone has learned to manage that state then they can react to that without realising it. Prime No explained it well. The sense of everyone being dangerous is very strong. Everything is very intense heightened and feels threatening.

I agree with Snowangel. You obviously can't continue on the emotional rollercoaster. Her getting treatment first sounds like a great idea.

I am glad you are both letting each other go to heal.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

"Sometimes she says she gets afraid of me, which is extremely upsetting because I would never harm her. She knows this when she's calm and in the here and now. But sometimes out of the blue, she will threaten to block my number and get a restraining order when I text her. I'm like whoa!! Then she admits later that at the time, she felt threatened by me for some reason and it wasn't my fault at all. But I've never threatened her or harmed her before in my life!"

This is a safety issue. She simply doesn't feel safe and will do anything in order to feel safe. It appears as irrational to everyone else, but it is perfectly rational to her. Was she abused around ages 3-4? This is a critical time for the formation of safety in the world and if we didn't get it then, it tends to be like chasing an impossible dream. (I was abused at age 3 or 4 and I have these same struggles.)

I'm not excusing her behavior, rather trying to explain it.

 

[blue_eyes18]

To anonymous, there's absolutely nothing to feel bad about. You didn't pass any type of judgement. I appreciate your feedback very much.

Abstract, you think her behaviors do fit into PTSD? The way you described it, it helps greatly to make sense of it. it's just so hard for a person who's never experienced it to be able to comprehend it. I'm very thankful I'm fortunate enough not to understand first hand. I can't imagine. however, it makes it so difficult to understand her actions sometimes. Thank you.

Solara, she wasn't abused around 3-4. From what she told me, it did, however, begin around age 6. So I'm sure that plays a part. She certainly does have an issue with safety. She has escape routes set up everywhere just in case if emergencies. her doc had told her to have an escape plan for everything so she can feel more at ease.