GF, do you have something you maybe used to get a huge kick out of, some deep interest? Please don't be frustrated, I think if someone had asked me that question when I was feeling like you are it would have frustrated me terribly and led to MORE despair, like that person wasn't getting it. I do, so am risking it. The thing is, I kind of accidently was forced into having to re-connect with a big, fat nerd interest of mine, then had to interact, get online, post, talk to various people in the persona of that nerd, not as someone in the midst of despair and depression who has PTSD chewing at them. I know it sounds impossible, and I was kind of forced into that situation originally so probabl unfair to bring it up but gosh was it helpful as HECK. It still is, since you do just plain, old detach, talk about giving your head a vacation, wow. The loop is terrible, I know, as do an awful lot of us here.
In point of fact, I sometimes have to take my Kindle with me on my daily run, to use the audio to drown out that stupid, stupid loop. It makes me crazy, trying to meditate while out there and those destructive voices ( not really voices, swear, you know what I mean :) ) disallow anything but one more loop. Argh. Listening to something sensible, peaceful, some guided thing disallows this, just thought I'd mention this, too. I know you already have this kind of thing, maybe just step up the amount of time you use it will start some re-routing for you?
Sorry so long on your thread, some of this stuff just sounded awfully familiar, you never know what might be helpful to someone. It's always at least worth mentioning just in case, you know?
