Flashbacks Are Back

[I'm not Spiderman]

Been on here a while now, I'm nervous about writing this, but here goes.

I was sexually assaulted a few years ago. I can't go into more detail.

I've had help, worked on things since. I'm not perfect, but I'm in a place where I can get by.

Lately the flashbacks have started again. I can't control it.

I've had therapy, grounding techniques etc. But no amount of looking around the room or putting my feet on the floor or perfume or any stupid crap helps with the flashbacks when its happening. Sometimes it happens at work and I get so frustrated and more stressed because I can't deal with it in the middle of work.

Don't really know what to do.

I may go back and see a T again. But I really don't see what it can do.

 

[ladee]

@I'm not Spiderman , I encourage you to go back to see your T... we sometimes think and feel nothing is being accomplished. But as much as we are capable, we have to commit to therapy.Some sessions are great, we leave calmer, more grounded, feeling hopeful. Then the next three sessions send us to the rabbit hole.. such is the journey to being able to better monitor and manage our symptoms...
Flashbacks are the worst. We feel so out of control. And being at work is even worse... I do understand. But there is a part of you seeking healing. So try your best, as any of us do on any given day, to go back to therapy and hit the restart button... we all have to do it. But you are not alone.. I'm sure everyone on this site understand what you are saying and feeling..
We support you... am sending hugs if you accept and energy to take a baby step in the direction of healing.

 

[I'm not Spiderman]

@ladee
I like what you said about hitting the restart button. I think there is a part of me seeking healing but another part that is scared of the rabbit hole. I am just really scared and it's so easy to freeze when you're scared and do nothing.
Thank you so much for your very kind message, your hugs, your energy. :)

 

[Gadgie]

I would like a "rewind" button, so that I could go back in time and change things. For example I would like to get the seven years back, that I spent being a 24/7 carer for my late wife?

I call them my "house arrest years" and all that time I was doing that, I had no idea what she was planning to do for after she passed?

I keep trying to convince myself, that it never came into her head until the last few days of her life, but the bottom line is, she cared for the family, who never lifted a finger to help me look after her, than she did for me, and that's what is eating me up inside?

 

[xraydave]

Been on here a while now, I'm nervous about writing this, but here goes.

I was sexually assau...

I was having this thing where i was dissociating like crazy, and i went into a spiral where my head started hurting, and i couldnt do anything at all. i made a thread back on here after a really long time, just because of this episode i was having for a couple of hours.

is this what we call a flashback? i feel fine, after i started to remember all this eye-opening stuff from behavioural therapy with my pdoc which was months* ago. ever since then i thought i had battled this crazy episode-seizure-like thing, but apparently i have to sit down and remind myself of it from time to time.
it's even worse, because i hallucinate 'auras' as a psychotic-feature from my PTSD, and that gets worse and more unmanageable with these 'episodes'. and even that got more manageable, after 'realization' through therapy. seriously.

and like this, i recommend the same to you. i recommend seeing someone about behavioural therapy. "grounding" is just not enough, because an individual needs to be motivated toward grounding or see their personality structure in a clear enough way, for grounding to make any sense. I can now try my hand at getting 'back into reality' that ive processed my thoughts. if you are interested maybe we can talk about thought patterns and core beliefs, which can help make grounding easier.

 

[Sideways]

@xraydave - curious about your grounding comments...like, I know for sure that sometimes when I dissociate I don't want to get grounded. Would often very much prefer to stay in my own dissociative bubble!

But grounding shouldn't be needing you to have a self concept (at all really) or be on top of your core beliefs (my core beliefs are an absolute mess - total mayhem!). Grounding is about connecting to the physical workd outside your body...that's the sweetner, it helps take you away from the drama of core beliefs and self concepts...??

 

[xraydave]

@xraydave - curious about your grounding comments...like, I know for sure that...

oh i hate dissociation. it makes everything so much worse. for me, i have hallucinations and this ringing tinnitus. it's effectively a seizure. but understanding the pathology, alongside, helps to motivate me to re-engage, through whatever means necessary. and that's where i think true individual reintegration and growth lies.