Flashbacks?? Derealization?? Crazy??

[Bellion]

Okay so... I’ve been in therapy for 6 years. 5 out of those 6 were with the same psychiatrist I just ended up staying with. Until meeting my last therapist Claire at a place I did group therapy this past fall I didn’t know I had CPTSD. I’ve spent the past 6 months researching disassociation symptoms, ptsd flashback stories, panic attacks in patients with CPTSD, and I just never put in the effort to ask something myself on a forum.. basically I was diagnosed back in October of 2017 but 4
Months into therapy I ended up having a horrific trip on weed or whatever the f*ck it was. I at that time was smoking 3 times a day with no problems besides laziness... hell I didn’t even get a high anymore with the tolorencs I had built... but was different. I was fine one minute the next I look over at the guy in the car and everything started moving in and out really fast and the next thing I know I truly believe this guy is trying to kidnap me or rape me or kill me. Now after all this I didn’t smoke or drink for 4 months. I have gradually reintroduced it in my life and since I have been fine... most times. I’ve had 4 or 5 intense trip like experiences I can’t describe it but today I had one and I have been working on accepting my diagnosis and the symptoms that come with it and I think it just triggered something and all the sudden I was looking in the mirror and I just looked off. Scary looking almost. But it’s such a scary feeling I almost freak myself out and convince myself it’s some sort of trip or hallucination but I don’t know. Before getting laced shit that left me feeling stuck in hell and convinced that this guy was going to kidnap me.. I have no memory of anyone sexually abusing me. My Therapist says there were enough indications based on my childhood behaviors and play and the knowledge I had as a little girl but I don’t remember anything like that. I was definitely bullied growing up and there was always a family dynamic with my little brother playing the parent and my mother feeding into it but my parents are great and it’s hard for to me to accept that they have ever been in the wrong in such a way that affects my brain chemistry. There’s more that has happened through my life and I without a doubt have never been more happy to actually have a real diagnosis and not just a simple clinically depressed label. I have really been accepting the fact that I have CPTSD but what are these trips I have?? And is derealization playing at part in how things look or feel?? Someone please help.

 

[EveHarrington]

I’m going to be real.

You need to stop smoking pot and you need to stop doing it.....yesterday.

Given what you describe, you’re headed down a dangerous path, ESPECIALLY since you’re smoking laced (with only God knows what) pot.

It only takes one bad trip to ruin your body chemistry for life. (This is something they never tell you in drug resistance programs in school).

Continuing to smoke pot is not in your best interest given what you describe. Hopefully you can heal, but every hit you take is like playing with fire. Hopefully there is no lasting damage from your drug use.

(And the last thing you want to do with a PTSD diagnosis is head down the path of dual diagnosis....because then you have to tackle drug addiction issues in addition to ptsd issues.)

 

[grit]

One of the main problems of being in therapy for so long is they take or temporarly assign our soothing parts to themselves that is why people can be in therapy for so long but never really heal - exhibit a here.

I am very sorry Bellion but you have been with the wrong therapist/psychiatrist for this long and you have relinquished all self agency to them - they have become your self agency.

And now you are depleted for all self care and self containment. I am with eve. until you STOP all these mind altering substances, and you see your therapists as they are, you will swim in this pool of self and group and therapy deception.

No therapist will tell you this because they will say you have to figure it out but how can you if you are not even sober?

harsh words and I apologize if they land on you negatively but my intention is you have the power to be here and have the self agency that is crying out for a way out. Please find it.