General Flashbacks Getting Worse -What Can I Do?

[Kyiah]

Hi there,

My partner has PTSD, and its something that is understandably deeply private for him, so its not something I feel able to talk about with my family/friends. I've been looking for a place where I can ask questions, understand more about whats going on, and what I can do to help - and simply be less alone in dealing with this.... discovering this forum and reading through others posts has already helped!

I've been searching on the net for information about flashbacks and how to help him through them - but so far it hasn't been helpful. Advice to "go somewhere quiet and talk yourself through it" just doesn't apply... when he has a flashback he gets lost in it... he's gone... he's just a kid again (and his adult self isn't there to talk him through it)

What is worrying me at the moment is that the flashbacks are happening more frequently now, and seem to be stronger...

We've only been together for a year (a year that has mostly been gloriously wonderful! - I consider myself incredibly lucky to have met and fallen in love with such an amazing man!) but with only a years worth of knowledge, I can't tell if this worsening is part of a cycle, or where it goes from here (better, worse, the same?). I think I'll learn that with time, and thats ok (but I still wish I knew now).

He's been under more stress at work, and is sleeping less, which is making the flashbacks/nightmares worse, which then causes even more stress and less sleep. The flashbacks/waking nightmares are happening more when he stops and relaxes - its like if the guard/wall comes down a little, the PTSD symptoms come out to play (havoc)...

In my own down moments I wonder if maybe we had a honeymoon period, and this is the norm... or maybe its something I've done... but the rest of the time when I'm being more objective, I think the biggest contributors are stress/sleep deprivation.

The thing that scares me is that he's getting more "stuck" in his flashback(s). I've always been able to help him come out of them before - talk to him, or touch his arm, or call his name, tell him he's safe - catch his attention again so he comes back, but lately its like the memories/process are stronger, and he's more stuck. I hate seeing him remembering/hurting and being powerless to help/stop it... My fear is that one day he might get stuck and I won't be able to bring him back... that really scares me.

I know for me that just talking sometimes helps - so thank you all for listening. If anyone has suggestions/advice, I'd also love to hear about it.

thanks again,
Kyiah

 

[teejaye]

Kyiah,

First of all, welcome! I'm glad you're here. After reading your post, I looked through The Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder Sourcebook: A Guide to Healing, Recovery, and Growth. It lists some skills that can help defuse the distress of flashbacks, including grounding, safe place imagery, and other things. The section has too much for me to reproduce in a post, so I would recommend checking out this book. It's by Glenn R. Schiraldi, Ph.D.

Is your husband seeing a therapist? Just curious. Sometimes working with a therapist can be helpful. Does your husband know what his triggers are? Are you aware of what sets off his flashbacks?

It sounds like you and your husband have a lot of work to do, but that you love eachother very much. I am rooting for you.

Again, welcome.
-Tara

 

[whiterose]

Hi Kylan, I am living with PTSD. I had flash backs for so many years, nightmares, and those were the worst. There is a therapy that you may want to look in to. It is called EMDR, done with a therapist, and it works. I am living proof. I don't know where you live, but I know you can find information on the web about it. I hope it can bring your partner some relief.

 

[Shoka]

Dear Kyiah,

Is your boyfriend in any kind of therapy?
The only advice I can share with you is to become as knoweldgeable as possibe about PTSD and try to encourage him to get some therapy. I would not have been able to stay with my BF if he hadn't gone for help.
As for your BF asking you not to talk to family and friends, I can relate to that too. The simple fact is that when all of this started happening I knew that I needed my own support separate from him. I have a few friends that I can talk to that I trust. Remember that your emotional health is just as important as his. There's a lot of support on this site, but I also think it helps if you have a person you can talk to and trust in the flesh.
Shoka