FloatingFlowers
New Here
I am never to good with weekends. I find them eve more difficult to survive, simply because no one is around unless its an emergency.
Ive noticed that as the clocks have gone back, and it gets darker earlier, I find it significantly more difficult to deal with night times. Because dark means bed. I dont like bed. I dont like nightmares. I dont like going to sleep. I almost feel like a child again, which in itself is causing me distress. I dont want to be a child again.
But even going to bed, doesnt make things go away. "Normal" people like bed and sleep because it makes them escape from their problems. But mine are there 24.7. Flashbacks, anxiety, panic attacks, low mood, intrusive thoughts and memories during the day and nightmares during the night. Its constant abuse of my brain and mind, and it continues on and on and doesnt stop. It spins so fast, round and round, only stops for a moment when I break down and give in to the suicidal thoughts. But even they dont make it stop for more than a moment.
Ive noticed that as the clocks have gone back, and it gets darker earlier, I find it significantly more difficult to deal with night times. Because dark means bed. I dont like bed. I dont like nightmares. I dont like going to sleep. I almost feel like a child again, which in itself is causing me distress. I dont want to be a child again.
But even going to bed, doesnt make things go away. "Normal" people like bed and sleep because it makes them escape from their problems. But mine are there 24.7. Flashbacks, anxiety, panic attacks, low mood, intrusive thoughts and memories during the day and nightmares during the night. Its constant abuse of my brain and mind, and it continues on and on and doesnt stop. It spins so fast, round and round, only stops for a moment when I break down and give in to the suicidal thoughts. But even they dont make it stop for more than a moment.
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