Focus...

[Chin Strapped]

Graduated 2 months ago and not really keen on going to the ceremony in a couple of months to wear a gimp hat and say look at me!

For me I had to talk and tell someone. I was fresh out the army and afghan and it f*cking hurt my head bad. Being quiet, not reaching out and trying to sniff normality would end me.

 

[LocaButt]

@Friday you make me think of a good point. I often tell myself that no matter how bad I have it, someone always has it worse. I never stopped to think that there are probably some of those people in the same classes as me. I feel like an asshole now. lol

@holdenmonty Do you think you are over it? Or does it stick in the back of your mind?

@Dan84 I am not sure I want to go to my ceremony either. I have a while to think about it though. If I go it'll be for my kids, just to be a positive influence and show them that if I can do it they can also. You will have to let me know how it is putting that degree to work. Unless you are in a field where you don't have to work with people, in which case - you lucky devil.

 

[Chin Strapped]

I work with people who are more messed up than most of us lot, abuse survivors etc. I don't need my degree for this job really but it helped. I'm happy remaining less important for now.

I agree with you Loca, I should go for my kids.

 

[holdenmonty]

I'm over it to an extent. I talked through it in therapy and have accepted that it happened and it sucks that the cops even told me that they didn't expect to find the person that stole all my electronics and destroyed my house. The only thing that lingers is some trust issues but the trust issues tie into my deployment a little because they had haji's taking out the trash and doing stuff around on base. I saw one haji dumpster diving and pulled out a full army uniform acu pants, jacket, and boots. I reported it and never trusted any of the people I saw on base unless they worked for the uso or wore a military uniform. Then the cops not being helpful made me loose trust in them, then the insurance company screwing me over saying I had to prove that I owned everything they stole even though what I had pictures of all the stuff they stole was on an external thumb drive that they stole... So I got screwed over by the insurance company so there goes the trust in anybody that hasn't served in the military and I don't know, there goes the trust in the people that are suppose to protect and serve, and there goes trust in an organization that you pay to take care of you when you need them.

I have slowly gotten to the point where I'm natural to the people that haven't served in the military and I don't know. I still don't trust much law enforcement to protect and serve. I still don't trust insurance companies, and people that have done something to betray my trust. For instance I was open and honest to my supervisor about going to counseling at mental health and given them so many reasons to trust me but since I got pulled from my deployment it's like I have been living under a magnify glass. So now I don't trust my supervisor because in my viewpoint I trusted my supervisor and she betrayed my trust. Now the only thing I tell her is that I have a medical appointment on what day and what time but I don't tell her anything other than that and when she asks me how my appointment went I will just say good and leave it at that. And if she tries to press me for more information I will tell her that I don't feel comfortable releasing my medical information with her.

 

[Jimmy1]

hey guys I have zero trust for anyone, only my wife, but as I told her, there is a little barrier I have to keep there, thats the way it is.

As for law enforcement, I think it's whoever is paying. I was assaulted in my own home, he gets away with it, yet I grow a little medicinal herb and go to court.

People in uniform I can handle now. The warrant officer in me is checking their dress though and on numerous occasions I found myself wanting to pull them up.

You talk about going to university. I have tried the whole online schooling, and have come to the conclusion that you have to be a highly motivated person to do that. Same with going to university. I would miss so many lectures because of Mr Procrastinator and Mrs Depression having a child that lives in my head.

I have even put off work with computers for some bullshit reason.

In a way I am fortunate that my body has packed it in and I am on a 100% pension, if you could call that fortunate.

I don't know how any of you guys do it.

I even tried volunteer work at the RSPCA driving the animal ambulance. Harmless job, 9-3. If you were not on duty you walked dogs.
Until this big fat lesbian (not that I am against big fat lesbians), who thought she would push me around. Well I left her belittled and crying on the floor then I went to the boss of the place and informed him that I was a 'Volunteer' and if his employees wanted to keep volunteers working then they have to 'Ask' them and talk to them nicely.

Am I waffling about nothing........:mad:

 

[combatgoldfish]

I went to school full time after I got back from Iraq. The first year was rough and on too of it I had no idea what to do. After that year I got on track and I'm going on my 3rd year.

I can't do the online classes, rather go to school since it forces me to go. I'm the guy that sits in the back corner. I don't socialize. I do my assignments there and when I have homework it's done at the last minute usually and I have to go to the library or the local bar.

I usually have at least one veteran in each class which can be nice at times. Most classes annoy or piss me off regardless of what class it is.

Some school have veteran's centers at the school but I've never gone to one.

I treat school like a mission and set check points like do this, complete this assignment by doing this, etc.

 

[Deleted member 43454]

hey guys I have zero trust for anyone, only my wife, but as I told her, there is a little barrier I have to keep there, thats the way it is.

As for law enforcement, I think it's whoever is paying. I was assaulted in my own home, he gets away with it, yet I grow a little medicinal herb and go to court.

People in uniform I can handle now. The warrant officer in me is checking their dress though and on numerous occasions I found myself wanting to pull them up.

You talk about going to university. I have tried the whole online schooling, and have come to the conclusion that you have to be a highly motivated person to do that. Same with going to university. I would miss so many lectures because of Mr Procrastinator and Mrs Depression having a child that lives in my head.

I have even put off work with computers for some bullshit reason.

In a way I am fortunate that my body has packed it in and I am on a 100% pension, if you could call that fortunate.

I don't know how any of you guys do it.

I even tried volunteer work at the RSPCA driving the animal ambulance. Harmless job, 9-3. If you were not on duty you walked dogs.
Until this big fat lesbian (not that I am against big fat lesbians), who thought she would push me around. Well I left her belittled and crying on the floor then I went to the boss of the place and informed him that I was a 'Volunteer' and if his employees wanted to keep volunteers working then they have to 'Ask' them and talk to them nicely.

Am I waffling about nothing........:mad:

Any of us do it? Ha!
I'm glad you wrote that shit because I am in such a f*cking rut my only option is to go for 100. I could work when I was rated for 70, tried to be a f*cking hero. Crashed and burned. MMJ needs to be legit. They can kiss my f*cking ass. I made it right under 1 year of technical college. It was bogus. They took my money, told me there was little math. Next thing I know I'm calculating and trouble shooting out my ass pop quiz, f*ck head, your not in the sandbox anymore.

Drove me f*cking mad. Going between households. Kicked out over racial bullshit from my Aunt and Uncle. The job I was working while going to school shut down the entire f*cking factory! I mean you can't make this up lmfao. Locked my girl friend out of the apartment until she moved out. Didn't really feel like even going to class after that. I just woke up did PT. And cleaned my apartment. f*cked off on the computer. Waiting on my claim to go through. They switched my instructors two or three times. Had a very intelligent but incredibly boring and monotone instructor replace. Just a mess. Voc Rehab wont even let me use my benefits until I show progress through treatment. Which is basically eating not give a shit pills. Its getting better I'm not going to lie. If there even is a better, or I'm just fooling myself again. I never can tell.

 

[LocaButt]

You guys are so encouraging! lol I was looking for the sunshine and rainbows answer to everything.
I can relate to a lot of what you guys are saying. I'm just going to have to beat my own ass into submission and buck up. I don't want to give up. I just have to figure out what works for me.

@combatgoldfish I like what you said about treating it like missions. I kind of do that, but like I said before, the relief of completing it is short lived which cluster f*cks my head.

@holdenmonty I have no idea why you would think it was a good idea to tell her in the first place. lol I would just be constantly thinking that she'd told everyone. WHY ARE YOU ALL STARING AT ME? Gawd, that would be awkward. lol

@DrBlack That sounds pretty rough man. I think school was the least of your problems there. Sorry you are having/had such a hard time.
Well I was going to post a link of a dancing ostrich, to cheer you up a little. But I R NOOB :( Not allowed.

Take it easy fellas lol

 

[holdenmonty]

Well... the place that I work I have to have a TS/SCI clearance so I thought being transparent was a good way to make sure I don't get into trouble for not telling them stuff. I trusted somebody that I should be able to trust and got burned. I'm still a little bitter about it.

 

[SGT.Sunshine.]

I have just started at school again. I have to, I have full custody of my son and he deserves what ever I can do for him, as he didnt get to choose this life.
I got out of service in dec 2009 went right into school the next fall and had a hell of a time, I wasn't diagnosed at the time, nor were there any other vets in the school, well maybe 4 or 5 spread out. Wanted to knock the shit out of people, or I would get so anxious and just not go in and then have to retake class after class, then I stopped for about two years, at least now I am learning something I want too, Welding. So I wont have to work around a lot of people. I too stay inside way to much and if I didn't get custody of my Son I doubt any one would find me, I would have been thrown in a deep dark hole by now, either in orange, or dead. As far as not being able to transfer educational benies, WELCOME to modern vet benefits, the old timers actually get more. you see while we where off fighting, this round of our nations dirty work. the folks back here that sent us were busy ripping our benefits down on many fronts. Just like the older vets got medical and insurance for kids and transferable educational benies, ALLLLL gone for us. All I can say is use it, while you can.

 

[Spock]

Well... the place that I work I have to have a TS/SCI clearance so I thought being transparent was a good way to make sure I don't get into trouble for not telling them stuff. I trusted somebody that I should be able to trust and got burned. I'm still a little bitter about it.

Monty, I'm concerned about that TS/SCI comment and getting burned. I know all too well that it happens but usually because some civilian puke crossed a line and doesn't know the facts. That is discrimination toward a disability. Then vets think they can't seek treatment because it will affect their clearance. The fact is, during your 5-year update once you mention PTSD, the OPM investigator cannot ask any further questions on that topic. If you self-medicate, mess up, commit a crime than there is no excuse and that is on you. Investigators can ask you about crimes or issues that could affect your clearance but they cannot relate it to PTSD nor seek info about your medical diagnosis or treatment. Therefore, no one can address your clearance in that way. In fact, they must support approved medical treatment you seek for wounds & disabilities. Otherwise they are open to EOC, retaliation, harassment, etc violations. Know your rights. It happens far too often and people allow themselves to become victims of their clearance status.

Sorry to digress off topic.

 

[Jimmy1]

Once I started exhibiting signs at work my CO suspended my clearance within the unit until I had a thorough psych eval. The first psych I had was a Nam Vet with PTSD himself and in his opinion, out operations were a walk in the park and nobody could have PTSD from that, so I was rubber stamped with a big go sign and was back at normal work. Early the following year I went to the new psych because I was having suicidal thoughts, nobody would question a Warrant Officer sighing out a 9 mm.
Anyway the new psych could not believe I was still at work, not because of access to weapons, vehicles, or classified information, he thought that standard day to day work was too much.

@LocaButt

Nobody means to be discouraging LB, but at the same time we won't blow wind up your arse (In case it's an Aussie saying, 'Don't blow wind up my arse is like saying stop crawling or brown nosing). Generally with this forum we tell it like it is. Sometimes we will be told to harden up.

If you can go back to school and can handle it, then you are a way better person than me.

ATM I am just over life. It's boring and mundane. I wake in the morning and take handful of pills, I exist for the day, I take another lot of pills, I go to bed, I sleep sometimes.

I suppose it does not help that we are selling this place and everything is packed up.

Cheers