For Sheer Force Of Will

[BigBear]

Dear SFoW,

I think you are wrong to think of leaving.

... My boyfriends family found my forum page and is using it to tell him that I am unhealthy. This is supposed to be my safe place, where I can rant out my thoughts without them being held against me. I no longer feel safe here ...

One of 2 things is happening here. Either you need to get rid of this BF. It's his job to defend you. Even from his own family. If he won't he's not worth it and you need to move on. You are worth so much more than that.

OR you need to let him know that you never want to hear what his family says again. And he should understand this. That's his job.

Bear

 

[Tinyflame]

I agree.

Thank you Bear, seems people all-too-frequently think a sufferer is so 'damaging', when it's been my experience they end up taking much abuse. One is supposed to be responsible for helping themself, then too frequently criticized (or treated like a pariah, or defective) for asking for help, or seeking it out.

 

[Sheer Force of Will]

Thank you for reaching out, Big Bear. That is really sweet. He did defend me, he told me that he really did. It's just that I am no longer anonymous on here, and his family can follow my posts. I don't want him to have to deal with his family judging either of us based on my posts. For me, this is a place where I can rant, and get out all my crazy thoughts and have people around to help me calm down and rationalize. I know that what I post here is not always rational. That's why I post it here, instead of yelling it at my boyfriend. They just saw everything as an attack on him. He was never even meant to read it.

I want this to be a safe place for me. I don't want to have to worry about this nonsense while I am trying to get healthy. I just want peace.

But seriously, this was MAD sweet of you. Also, the strangest alert I have ever gotten, lol.

 

[Tinyflame]

I understand, am sure I would feel even worse, just attrocious. I hope you don't. It's a reflection on them, not you.
However, I understand, if a place was safe and no longer feels so, it's very difficult to overcome. :(

I think Bear is totally right. People with ptsd need very strong and stable partners. Not just to accept or contend with the ptsd, but because we have had to be strong to survive.

People have to be free to live their own lives- even (and including) one's grown adult children.

 

[Tifanee]

Correct me if I am wrong, but if she were to sign up as a paid Member then she could post in that private setting, right?

 

[BigBear]

He did defend me, he told me that he really did. It's just that I am no longer anonymous on here, and his family can follow my posts. I don't want him to have to deal with his family judging either of us based on my posts.

You've got a good man there, but now you have to let him be a man. By nature every man is designed to protect the ones he loves. Doing so makes him feel strong.

...his family ...

His family. That makes it his problem. If you two make something real out of this, that will never change. It's his battle and he has to fight it. If he can't, then letting go now is the best thing.

I want this to be a safe place for me. I don't want to have to worry about this nonsense while I am trying to get healthy. I just want peace.

Peace comes best when you can rest knowing that your back is covered... He can do that, if you will let him. No one gets healthy by themselves. By yourself is exactly why you got the PTSD. If you had the support then, odds are you wouldn't have.

So, now I've said my piece and I will let the peace return.

All the best to you!

Bear

 

[Sheer Force of Will]

Big Bear, thank you so much for your support. You have convinced me to stay. In any case, I have taken steps to ensure that I will never have to see or deal with his family again, so that is done with.

I am still going to see the boy, but I have made it clear to him that my PTSD is no longer a subject open to discussion. I love him, and I am in love with him, but he is not the right person for me to get healthy with. I have other people in my life for that, and I am perfectly happy this way.

My therapist is happy that I am happy (I feel relieved after telling him that I don't want to be his partner anymore) but also sad that I have lost someone that I was working hard to build a mutually supportive relationship with. I am sad to have lost that too, but I am happy to feel relieved and renewed.

Thank you to everyone who posted on this thread! You are all so wonderful. Thank you so much.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I am glad you are staying here and not allowing them to drive you away. This shows incredible strength on your part. You have been very busy taking good care of yourself. I am very proud of you Sheer Force of Will. Hugs.

 

[Bubba]

One is supposed to be responsible for helping themself, then too frequently criticized (or treated like a pariah, or defective) for asking for help, or seeking it out.

Oh so true, Junebug! Why oh why am I being punished because I asked for some space to try to heal and get help? Now I'm a bad person who cares about no one else. But if I were to take on their issues, then I would be abandoning myself and would likely end up in a mental institution with a nervous breakdown.

 

[Bubba]

Sheer Force of Will - we're all glad that you are going to stay here. Eventually everyone shows their true colors - you need to do what is right for you - whether they can handle it or not.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

(((Bubba))) You said it. You would probably end up with a nervous breakdown. Somehow you will be alright. It will be ok eventually. Their real colors are coming out now and you are seeing them as they really are. I hate what you are going through now. He is getting ugly. It sure can bring the beast out of some people. This really sucks.