Sufferer New Here - 30, Undx Autism/ADHD, Trauma from Abuse & Forced Caregiving

[IceNekorB]

Hi everyone. I'm 30 and recently joined this community. undiagnosed for autism and ADHD, and I’ve struggled with anger and self-harm rooted in complex trauma. I’ll share my background briefly—more details are in my profile or feel free to DM me. (my therapist today i don't have autism or adhd but back in middle school, the therapist my parents took me to said i had adhd & autism.)

My background:

• Graduated high school at 19
• Endured bullying in middle school with no intervention from teachers.
• Lived with an abusive guardian who:
  • Forced me to work for him excessively.
  • Physically blocked me from returning home (he’d run out the door to trap me).
  • Made me supervise his young daughter for 8-12+ hours while he disappeared.
  
  
  
• The trauma:
  During these forced care giving days:
  
  • His daughter would blast disturbing "Elsagate" videos (those surreal/creepy kids’ videos) at maximum volume. The repetitive sounds triggered sensory overload—I’d volunteer for extra work shifts just to escape.
  • She screamed for hours nonstop, and I had to follow her constantly because she’d self-harm with razor blades to falsely blame me.
  • If she self-harmed, my guardian punished me by forcing me to stay another full day. My legs would ache from standing endlessly.
    
    
    
  • Today:
    I’m safe from that situation now, but I battle:
    
    • Violent flashbacks (especially to screams/sounds)
    • "Crashing out" (overwhelming meltdowns or shutdowns - likely from autism/ADHD + PTSD)
    • Self-harm urges when anger/helplessness feel unbearable
  • Advice needed:
    
    1. How do you manage sensory-triggered flashbacks (e.g., specific sounds)?
    2. What helps prevent the "crash" cycle when overwhelm hits?
    3. Any grounding techniques for autism/ADHD during emotional flashbacks?
  • Grateful for this space. Your stories give me hope.

 

[Sideways]

Welcome to the forum - glad you found us:)

How do you manage sensory-triggered flashbacks (e.g., specific sounds)?

Grounding skills. Loads of different grounding techniques out there. Grounding gets more effective when we need it the more we practice it when we don’t need it.

Grounding is about bringing your mind and your awareness back into the here and now, responding to sensory stimulus that is actually present around you.

Some folks will even carry a grounding kit with them if they’re prone to dissociative episodes throughout the day. Other folks (me!) have a dog with them pretty much 24/7!

What helps prevent the "crash" cycle when overwhelm hits?

If we get overwhelmed (which we do, because…ptsd!), the crash is a bit inevitable. The crash is our body recovering from what it’s been through, which is exhausting. So, some self compassion and self-care during those periods is potentially the way to go.

Having said that, self-care, and engaging in things that help our brain and body destress are a pretty key part of managing ptsd day to day. Doing things that empty out our stress cup as part of our daily routine helps reduce the frequency of getting overwhelmed, and reduce the length of the recovery period when it does happen.

This article is really helpful at explaining what’s going on there with ptsd: the PTSD Cup explanation.

Mod Note:
Just as a heads up, there’s no DM function on the forum:)

 

[IceNekorB]

Nice to meet you! Looking forward to making friends and learning how to improve together. :)

 

[HopeIsLost]

Hi everyone. I'm 30 and recently joined this community. undiagnosed for autism and ADHD, and I’ve struggled with anger and self-harm rooted in complex trauma. I’ll share my background briefly—more details are in my profile or feel free to DM me. (my therapist today i don't have autism or adhd but back in middle school, the therapist my parents took me to said i had adhd & autism.)

My background:

• Graduated high school at 19
• Endured bullying in middle school with no intervention from teachers.
• Lived with an abusive guardian who:
  • Forced me to work for him excessively.
  • Physically blocked me from returning home (he’d run out the door to trap me).
  • Made me supervise his young daughter for 8-12+ hours while he disappeared.
  
  
  
• The trauma:
  During these forced care giving days:
  • His daughter would blast disturbing "Elsagate" videos (those surreal/creepy kids’ videos) at maximum volume. The repetitive sounds triggered sensory overload—I’d volunteer for extra work shifts just to escape.
  • She screamed for hours nonstop, and I had to follow her constantly because she’d self-harm with razor blades to falsely blame me.
  • If she self-harmed, my guardian punished me by forcing me to stay another full day. My legs would ache from standing endlessly.
    
    
    
  • Today:
    I’m safe from that situation now, but I battle:
    • Violent flashbacks (especially to screams/sounds)
    • "Crashing out" (overwhelming meltdowns or shutdowns - likely from autism/ADHD + PTSD)
    • Self-harm urges when anger/helplessness feel unbearable
  • Advice needed:
    1. How do you manage sensory-triggered flashbacks (e.g., specific sounds)?
    2. What helps prevent the "crash" cycle when overwhelm hits?
    3. Any grounding techniques for autism/ADHD during emotional flashbacks?
  • Grateful for this space. Your stories give me hope.

It blows my mind that psychopathic people believe that putting an autistic person in charge of young children when the parent should be watching their child blows my mind. It makes no sense at all.

They literally ignored the fact of your sensory needs! That’s disgusting. Your sensory needs should be respected and guarded!

Making you stand for hours!!!! I am sorry but, like if you need a friend I’m here! This is disgusting! Like how inhumane are people. And trust me I know. I’m autistic too! And people abused me and I have seen some horrific stuff I can’t unsee ever again! But the treatment I have faced because of autism is beyond inhumane and cruel!

Honestly I am so sorry you were forced into situations that violated your sensory needs and violated your innocence. It’s truly heartbreaking! You deserve so much more respect than that! Period!

I find it so wrong that society tries to make us look crazy.

The person who harmed themselves blamed you! No accountability for their actions! Causing you to be punished and harmed!

Lack of accountability is the reason you and I are left with severe pain and panic! I can’t even have a panic attack without saying to myself “someone hurt me but never will fix it!” Like it’s disgusting and I hate that people take advantage of us for their own gain! It’s beyond not okay. This is what’s wrong with society!

Your reaction of sadness and panic! Is valid! You shouldn’t be explaining or feeling bad about a natural human reaction to severe abuse! Like this isn’t okay! What they did to you was not okay! You are very strong to even deal with this! You didn’t cause the damage! You are repairing damage!

And honestly, there is nothing wrong with you. Your mind is panicking to regulate itself, because others have poked your soft spot of empathy and it really hurts!

 

[Nairobi]

Hi! I dont have PTSD, I am a supporter , but I am autistic so I Will tell you what work for me when I am going to crash:
when I feel that I am near of a Crash, I try to reduce my stress. I cancel or delay everything that is not an emergency. I put off all the notification on the phone or put in airplane mode. Sometimes I even uninstall WhatsApp or Instagram because a message can produce a Crash

If I am in a place with people and sounds and I feel overwhelmed, I tried to leave the place. Imagine that you are in a place like a party or something and you can not leave. I go to the toilet or a hidden place (my family and friend know that I just need to dissapear for a while and come back later) and play phone games, cry, or just stay in silence until I feel a little better and go out of my shell

 

[HopeIsLost]

Hi! I dont have PTSD, I am a supporter , but I am autistic so I Will tell you what work for me when I am going to crash:
when I feel that I am near of a Crash, I try to reduce my stress. I cancel or delay everything that is not an emergency. I put off all the notification on the phone or put in airplane mode. Sometimes I even uninstall WhatsApp or Instagram because a message can produce a Crash

If I am in a place with people and sounds and I feel overwhelmed, I tried to leave the place. Imagine that you are in a place like a party or something and you can not leave. I go to the toilet or a hidden place (my family and friend know that I just need to dissapear for a while and come back later) and play phone games, cry, or just stay in silence until I feel a little better and go out of my shell

I was writing this to make you feel heard and appreciated for your autism. Not making you change your autism to please others. But instead showing your reactions are a response to harm that isn’t negative.

 

[IceNekorB]

It blows my mind that psychopathic people believe that putting an autistic person in charge of young children when the parent should be watching their child blows my mind. It makes no sense at all.

They literally ignored the fact of your sensory needs! That’s disgusting. Your sensory needs should be respected and guarded!

Making you stand for hours!!!! I am sorry but, like if you need a friend I’m here! This is disgusting! Like how inhumane are people. And trust me I know. I’m autistic too! And people abused me and I have seen some horrific stuff I can’t unsee ever again! But the treatment I have faced because of autism is beyond inhumane and cruel!

Honestly I am so sorry you were forced into situations that violated your sensory needs and violated your innocence. It’s truly heartbreaking! You deserve so much more respect than that! Period!

I find it so wrong that society tries to make us look crazy.

The person who harmed themselves blamed you! No accountability for their actions! Causing you to be punished and harmed!

Lack of accountability is the reason you and I are left with severe pain and panic! I can’t even have a panic attack without saying to myself “someone hurt me but never will fix it!” Like it’s disgusting and I hate that people take advantage of us for their own gain! It’s beyond not okay. This is what’s wrong with society!

Your reaction of sadness and panic! Is valid! You shouldn’t be explaining or feeling bad about a natural human reaction to severe abuse! Like this isn’t okay! What they did to you was not okay! You are very strong to even deal with this! You didn’t cause the damage! You are repairing damage!

And honestly, there is nothing wrong with you. Your mind is panicking to regulate itself, because others have poked your soft spot of empathy and it really hurts!

Hello and Thank you this means so much to me.

 

[IceNekorB]

Hi! I dont have PTSD, I am a supporter , but I am autistic so I Will tell you what work for me when I am going to crash:
when I feel that I am near of a Crash, I try to reduce my stress. I cancel or delay everything that is not an emergency. I put off all the notification on the phone or put in airplane mode. Sometimes I even uninstall WhatsApp or Instagram because a message can produce a Crash

If I am in a place with people and sounds and I feel overwhelmed, I tried to leave the place. Imagine that you are in a place like a party or something and you can not leave. I go to the toilet or a hidden place (my family and friend know that I just need to dissapear for a while and come back later) and play phone games, cry, or just stay in silence until I feel a little better and go out of my shell

Hi! and thank you i have to try this.