Sexual Assault Forgiveness

[WonderingWhy]

I think that is a great approach. I must say though it must take a very strong person to make it to that point.

Blutarg,

I guess "physically" I am ok. I have a roof over my head. However I now have no vehicle and no money. I have no internet. I only can get online at the library when I can get a ride to it. I have my cell phone for the moment but that will be gone any day now too.:goingtocry::cry:

 

[Nyx]

I totally agree with you, Blutarg, especially the part about the past being past and the ability to change the future. And I know the kindest thing I could do for myself would be to stop being angry at him. But for now that just seems impossible, no matter how much harm it does me...

WW, I'm sorry things are going so rough. But at least you have a place to live.. :hug:

 

[Blutarg]

WW, see PM.

Nyx, sometimes these things do seem impossible - I know they seemed that way to me for so many years and I lived in such a self-destructive mode for so long because of it.

But nothing is impossible and only when the time is right will you know how best to handle it and deal with it. No one can judge you for who you are. Remember, you are a unique individual who has had unique hurts and wounds.

We all sit with our own problems because of our abusers and none is any easier than the next (well, that's just my opinion anyway :oops:). I also think that our hurt doesn't ever go away - I speak for myself here. That's why the question of forgiveness is so big in every abused person's mind at some stage. I still battle with this and don't know if I'll ever know the answer.

 

[WonderingWhy]

WW, see PM.

I'm confused?

 

[Blutarg]

WW, that was "personal message". Sorry :oops: (See your Inbox)

 

[WonderingWhy]

Oh!:rolleyes: Silly me! Thank You:lmao:

 

[CarrotHead]

I have carried this anger around, used this anger to drive me.... get me through college, get me through bullying, get me through everything. But now, it is not a tool. It is destroying me.

You see, I could fight my employers when I was being bullied before. Now, I have a five year old, and with the economy the way it is, there is no finding another job. I have to work with the perpetrator. Yes, my employer has chosen to keep us working together in this god awfully awkward environment. Because they CAN. So I have a constant trigger at work to boot.

Back to forgiveness. I am not there with my work bully yet so I did go astray. This bully and my current work condition forced me to break my old traditions... the fight or flight response that I would use to AVOID my PTSD. Now I am forced to deal with the roots of my anger instead of just using the anger to propel me.

I fell apart. Literally had a homocidal break. Constantly having intrusive thoughts for hours on end during the day.

I too am told that I need to work towards forgiveness, and I believe it is so that I can release that anger that eats me alive. From what I understand forgiveness can be a long, persistent, conscious struggle.

My assignment this week is to write a letter to my SOB father. Tell him what I am angry about. My therapist doesn't think that I should expect to walk directly to forgiveness, but take this step towards that goal.

I believe that small steps may work, and I am definately at the point where I can write this letter.
Mind you, my father is dead. He will never see the letter. It is strictly for me and if I choose to share, for my therapist.

 

[Blutarg]

webVixen, I believe that that kind of anger can only lead to you destroying yourself and those closest to you.
Your letter may help you to project your anger at the right person instead of everyone else (as I did).

For some people forgiveness can be quick, but for others, it is a long, hard journey. It all depends on how long it takes to come to a point of understanding everything that happened and accepting that it happened - and then being able to move on from there with life. That is just how I see it anyway.

I think small steps are good - go for it, one step at a time...

 

[Amy Jo]

sisterinsurvival,
i don't believe forgiveness is necessary; it is what it is what it is. I don't bother forgiving my abuser or stand-by-parent because I don't see the point--I'm just working on moving on and getting them and all they taught me outa my life and outa my head. So I think, I guess, I'm above forgiving. Maybe that sounds arrogant but that's how it feels. It's not that I hold what they've done against them anymore--it's that I DON'T HOLD IT. let them go to damn therapy and forgive themselves.

 

[Lionheart]

What is your opinion on forgiveness? How do you begin to forgive?

I don't think it is necessary to forgive in order to heal, but it can be healing when and if you get to that point. For me, I had to ask God to forgive my perps because I could not. I did this for years and then one day I realized they were sick too and although I still hold them responsible, I was able to forgive them for being ill. I guess this is only partial forgiveness, but it serves the purpose of allowing me to let go of some of the anger and hurt.

 

[Lucycat]

let them go to damn therapy and forgive themselves.

I'm with you on that one!!

 

[aditi]

I tried to forgive too soon and ended up hurting myself more. Now I don't care if or when it happens. I don't want to live in hate, and I don't think I am any more, but if forgiveness happens it will be a result of my healing and not as something I try to do consciously. He's a dangerous man AND he's very sick. Forgiveness will be a kind of side-effect of my healing.