Forum Rules Discussion

[anthony]

I would like to know what people want, and not want, from this forum in regard to members expressing themselves. This is basically starting to piss me off really, because as the forum is growing so rapidly lately, so too are the numbers of people who come here for nothing more than to disrupt the community itself. When I personally say disrupt, I am talking about those who really don't want help, they just want to argue, hinder and take up time of those who want to get better from PTSD, or living around it.

Up until this point, the forum has had no rules, because they haven't been required, but now the member rate is climbing so fast, the information is growing faster than some can read or keep up with it, I think rules are needed to provide a clear distinction to all members what is, and is not, acceptable here. Maybe call it a code of conduct, if rules are to strict as such, but again, they haven't really been required until now IMHO, but the board will get out of control too fast IMO without something.

So... as I have always stated in regard to this community belonging to all members, all members should depict the code of conduct that all members obide. I am personally getting the shits with angry people coming here to do nothing more than upset others, instead of admit they want help. If a person is not enough already to atleast be honest and open, then nothing said can help them with PTSD in control. Those who are actively healing would already know this, which would be most of the members here with PTSD, in that you made a decision before joining the forum that you want to help yourself, you want support, you want honesty, but some new members fail to see this, and all they want is sympathy and to reside upon their pity pot and bring down others with them. As sad as this is, and anyone with PTSD would know as we have all been at that point, is that a person cannot be helped until they are ready to accept PTSD, move past denial and actively make that choice to listen and do the required self work upon themselves. At the end of the day, nobody can fix another person with PTSD, only provide guideance... the person must want to heal.

So with all this in mind, members who want input into the boards rules / code of conduct, this is your time to actively be heard. All legitimate rules will be discussed, anything of utter stupidity will not be heard.

Example Code of Conduct

1. All members are allowed their opinion, neither right or wrong, and a persons opinion must be respected.
2. As per (1), no member is to attack another member because of their opinion, or failure to accept anothers opinion.
3. All members may vent, yell, rant, rave, etc etc, however; none of which at any time is to be directed towards another member. There is a difference in venting anger vs. venting anger at another member.
4. etc etc etc....

 

[Kims_Man]

Anthony,

I have been very impressed with the way you have dealt with the more disruptive folks on this site. I think your policing has been fair, un-biased, and greatly appriciated by the other members of this board. Often enough, I have noticed that after you have stepped in and made issue of a persons post, that same person will come back with an apology, and will begin the healing process. In a way, their initial "blow up" seems to be the first step in that process.

Now, for those that come here for other than therapeutic reasons, I again feel you are doing a great job at removing them from the site. I understand your request for points of order for an official code of conduct, and putting something down might help in a small way, but seriously, if someone is intent on just coming here and making trouble, nothing we put together is going to stop that. Perhaps recruiting others to help you in weeding out the more disruptive posts would be in order, using whatever sort of CofC that gets put together as the guide to what is acceptable and what is not.

As for additions to your list;

4. Posts deemed disruptive to the overall nature of the PTSD Forum may be removed at the descression of the moderator.
5. Individuals who continue to act in ways deemed detrimental to other members of the PTSD Forum may be banned from future postings.

Just my thoughts on the matter,

Warren

 

[anthony]

Thanks mate, much appreciated. I agree totally with you, in that it won't stop many really... and maybe this should be more a list for moderators as a guide to editing users.

 

[Kims_Man]

That would be the best way to approach it. Display the code for all to see. That way, no one will be able to come back and say, "Oh, I didn't know!". Then, use it as the guide to help moderators decide when it would be appropriate to edit &/or delete posts that violate the rules.

 

[Deleted member 93]

Sorry so long...

See he has already given us that power and permission and let us know it is at our discretion, Warren. Things seem a bit sticky where as to step in as being we have PTSD we really want to see others get the help we are getting. At least that is where it gets for me. And Anthony has broken through to the other side so to speak and can more readily see the wrong or destructive pattern before we do who are still sorting our own issues. Our point of view can change day to day depending on what PTSD is doing to us that day.

I know when I came I was welcomed with open arms as everyone else is. I ran around for years just thinking I was crazy. But seeing so many with the nature of the beast so to speak flaring up... I can't help to think they want help and is a big step posting in its self at first.

Maybe the issue is they are looking for a quick fix, and it just can't be done. And they are not going to be told what they want to hear but what needs to be said and done and more likely than not they won't like it. And it needs to be made abundantly clear. Much like when the pills we are given at first for the "quick fix" that works temporarily. Then we go on to see it is short lived overall and play musical meds... deal with addiction and so on. You just have to get to a point you decide you do not want to die (for me anyway) no matter if at times you really thought it was better, and are willing to do the most painful things you can imagine slowly to get to a better side.

I guess for those of us who have it for so long we get to a point, or I did I should say, that I hit so hard on the bottom the last year and a half I know I would be dead if I did not have someone say hey, this is going to be the hardest fight of your life for your life, I understand as I have been there, I will help you but you have to do it for yourself, you need to pull yourself up, this is how to do it, it is going to tear you up again and again in the process, it hurts like a mother f*er. It is not easy you will fall on your face at times, literally. And be quick to point out when I am going in the wrong direction and me not get defensive as I see it as helping me. It is not an attack when it is pointed out, it is help that is needed and if you don't want it then there is not anything anyone can do about it.

I know by the time I got here I was not in earlier phases of it. I was ready to chew through my leg to get the trap off when I found this place and knew I had run out of options. I was ready to do whatever it took. And I am doing it and seeing the rewards. Seeing I am not alone helps me. And those who come here and say he doesn't know what the hell he is talking about... They have not done this journey yet to say it. You cannot say it does not work if you have not tried it. I know they are pissed as they want to wallow in it still and not going to get the quick fix, and no improvement at all if you don't do the leg work required. I know the shit works. I am seeing it. I am having good days now. I also have days like this weekend that my husband had to catch me as my knees went weak and I got dizzy from pushing myself. But it was better than the last time I did and shorter.

I have not responded to those type of posts because I know I could not without flaming... My temper is still not in check. I still have work to do. And I get fed up watching some come on here and wanting to just play games and not really want to work at helping themself. I have seen that if you want it it is there and will be given freely to you and daily. How can you bitch about that??? Just because you do not like the tactics, does not mean it wont work and you are just getting in the way of those who are working on it.

I am guessing if there is some sticky in the welcome... A way to make them read something before they post... I know more work for you Anthony. But make it clear that no one pussy foots around. Not a place to look for sympathy but understanding, we did not stub our toes to get here either. And while we may feel for someones situation they will not get sympathy or others join in an ongoing pity party. We all have been through shit and discuss it and work through the mess. No bullshit in code... Just f*ing say it as you are not the first or last on here. I was raped, molested by family or those I trusted, have seen the dead bodies of children and babies, I have lived with a monster, I have looked my executioner in the eyes, I have been beaten and broken... We have all been there.

Instead of "poor thing" you are going to get man that sucks... now how do we get past that? You will get support to actively heal and no one can do it but you. While we do socialize on here this is not a playground. We are here working on trauma and healing as is the point. You need to admit you have it and accept it, though it is hard to accept PTSD. You will be guided in a direction you have fought to avoid. If you don't willing walk into the flames no one can help. You will and must be prepared to look the devil in the face.

If you are not hit so hard at this point with it to do what ever it takes then you aren't ready for this hands on approach. If this is all too rough then PTSD hasn't knocked the shit out of you hard enough yet to get the help. Let them know we will still be here when they are ready. They are not unique, we are all a bit screwed with this shit and this board is designed as a hands on hell of a fight, not a drug pushing, a quick fix, or for you to hear what you want to hear. When I went web surfing I found plenty of shit like that out there... I was relieved when I found this place because it was a "are you ready to kick this in the ass now?" place. Not the drug of the week.

I guess I am more for an in your face type of welcome for those with PTSD regarding what they will find here. Instead of a week or two of posting and not reading any of the forum to figure this out and have a hissy fit after pulling time away from those working on healing.

Or place all new on moderation and speak with them long enough to weed them out before they make it to the board posting publicly. Or a combo of both. :think: Hard to figure out a hard and steady rule considering we are all a bit jacked in the head to get here to begin with. My long winded opinion.

 

[piglet]

I admit I haven't taken the time to read all of these posts - in a bit of a stress, so sorry if I'm repeating someone.

I think the people who are here for real support already abide by the rules, like they already exist. Some people when upset type before they think, which might be expected from us lot, and that is usually followed by a quick and apologetic edit/post.

Bad posters maybe should get their access suspended for a given time, or altogether if they repeat offend with no valid or understandable reason. That's my own view.

 

[Kims_Man]

I am guessing if there is some sticky in the welcome... A way to make them read something before they post....

Absolutely! And what would be wrong with using your post, Veiled? Direct, to the point, and leaves nothing to be questioned. It lays out what this site is all about, what the people here are all about, and let's everyone know what they are in for.

I say copy it, verbatim, and use it as a sign-on screen welcome! Can't get any better than that!

 

[becvan]

Example Code of Conduct

1. All members are allowed their opinion, neither right or wrong, and a persons opinion must be respected.
2. As per (1), no member is to attack another member because of their opinion, or failure to accept anothers opinion.
3. All members may vent, yell, rant, rave, etc etc, however; none of which at any time is to be directed towards another member. There is a difference in venting anger vs. venting anger at another member.
4. etc etc etc....

Don't forget about posting regarding self-harm or harming others.

Also the long string of nonsense posts (which drive me crazy).

I think this is a great idea Anthony. Also, maybe a sticky on how to report violation of these rules and/or posting to which mods could be helpful.

I really feel that rule #2 (directing anger at another member) is the most important. We have to know and recognize this boundry. I know I get quite irrate when I see a member attacking another member.

Can't think of anything else currently...

Bec

 

[darkskies]

I wasn't aware of the extent of the problem- so thanks to all who have promptly dealt with it.

I'm not a computer person so forgive my ignorance - can you limit where a new person can post instead of giving free-range. Eg all new people can read, but only post in one zone so moderators could vet /keep tract of post content more easily. Then give permission to grant more posting access later on.

or a system where once the moderator notices a bad post, freeze that person instanly from posting anymore, giving moderators more time to think/discus with each other what action needs to be taken.

a place simliar to the private trauma diary so that those who have been given a warning about conduct could vent/re-assess teir behaviour but also be givena chance to change, show they want to change etc away from the group - restricted posting. I not sure what check list you would need to access improvement, could u get someone to agree a contract for their posting behaviour - if contract broken, then boot from forum.

a code of conduct/rules of site would make clear what was expected/required to allow posting.

 

[kimG]

Is it possible to have a tick mark that has to be checked before gaining access to the board? This could be much like the "I have read and agree with the terms and conditions"-type things that we have to check when we're installing a new program.

The "term and conditions" thing could be where the rules are posted and, as stated above, would have to be checked. That way, if someone says they didn't know or understand the rules it could be double-checked that they actually checked that they did. Whether they did or not would be their problem, much like signing on the dotted line below the phrase "I have read and agree to the conditions...yada yada yada" or reading the fine print in a contract.

I think the rules need to be very basic too. Since there are people from all over the world and from different backgrounds, there are varying levels of competence when it comes to the English language. Simple, to-the-point rules that could be understood by all would be best, almost like the ones we learned in Kindergarten.

Examples:
- Don't verbally attack anyone on the board.
- Respect each other's opinions.
- Remember the Golden Rule and treat people the same way you want to be treated.
- Apologize when you're wrong.

Just my $0.02 worth...and my honest opinion (which I feel very comfortable saying here as I trust that I'm not going to get slammed...one of the things I love about this place!! I feel SAFE here!!!!:smile:)

 

[Deleted member 93]

I guess that may have to be put up for someone to see. But it just seems like common knowledge not to go somewhere and act like an ass or play games with a issue as serious as PTSD. But it seems some people do lack a little common sense. I mean can we honestly tell ourselves who are here regularly don't already try to do this without having to be told? I am just thinking if those types of "rules", which is just common decency, has to be put in black and white... If you are going to act like that to begin with it doesn't matter if it is in writing or not. They will act like a horse's ass any way. I think if anything just a clear understanding of what they will find here. But it looks like I am the only one having that line of thought. Glad I am not getting knocked for it, but I think y'all have some common decency LOL.

 

[anthony]

Thanks all for your help and opinions, as they are all valued for help with this.

Veiled... I think what Warren is saying is pretty much what your saying, so your not alone I think. People ignore what they don't want to here, and all those here now are good people who when do have that bad day and attack, they near do instantly edit and post an apology. We all know, and understand that reasoning.

Darkskies... Yes, I can do all that, and new registrations go through a pretty similar method now as you outlined. New registrations all get manually approved by myself or moderator, if the details look spammy or aggressive, they go into a moderation group, where everything they post must get approved by a moderator before all others can see it. Those that look outright self promo, gonna spam the forum, ie. username: "superdude.com" get instantly banned, or "pharma1234" or "viagrahardcore", etc etc... Most get flicked before people see them now.

Kim... know what your saying, and the registration has these exact features already, except obviously without this specific information attached. Members already tick a box accepting the TOS of the forum, its just the TOS hasn't been modified to include any of this before, because it never really needed it / nor did I want it. Oh... I am stoked your comfortable Kim... which just kicks home that the community is on the mark for what its doing. Thank you for that.

Warren... I agree about that post mate... A slight edit on veileds post and bam, here it is straightup for you. It cracked me up... so much like my own attitude at times.