Foster Care

[K.P]

Grew up in Many homes. My mother was/is a suffering drug alcohol addict always thinking the worst. I grew up with her accusing everyone around me of hurting me . I would play things out in my head like these things were happening these stories she put in my head. I got older went into foster care and never got a home because I couldn't trust anyone. I ran. I was afraid. I ran to abusers. I didn't know any other life didn't think I would ever amount to anything. After aging out of foster care I went to a small town far away where I never had to do bad things ever again but now I am a wife and a mother to 2 wonderful children. I am afraid still. I work all the time I'm missing out on my life.

 

[shimmerz]

Foster care is not what it is cracked up to be. There is also this overall feeling imposed on us that 'we should be grateful' for substandard foster carers, a children's society that expects us just to 'cope' without any type of therapy.... so many things that are not right.

I hope you are in therapy. There is a great chance that you can fix the 'broken' feeling.

 

[K.P]

Foster care is not what it is cracked up to be. There is also this overall feeling imposed on us that...

I'm not in therapy. I need to find local resources I really don't want to spend the money on it

 

[shimmerz]

That, of course, is your choice. And sometimes best not to fix what isn't broken. I honestly, don't know how I would have done, parenting, if I had melted down while I was raising my children. Therapy earlier than I sought it out may well have led to a breakdown earlier. And it is children first, right? I was lucky enough to 'lose it' after the kids left home.

In retrospect, it was a conundrum when I thought about whether I would have chosen to go to therapy (if I had known the dysfunction of my past) and eased in rather than pick up the completely shattered remnants of my life (as was the way it worked with me).

 

[K.P]

It is children first and I should seek counseling it's just hard to take care of myself. I think I try to hide at work and financially taking care of them is one thing but when I get home I have no energy for them. maybe it's depression.

 

[K.P]

That, of course, is your choice. And sometimes best not to fix what isn't broken. I honestly, don't k...

I was hoping a group like this might help instead of therapy. I didn't grow up with structure. My self discipline isn't very good and i have a lot of boundary issues

 

[EmmaOwl]

Foster care is not what it is cracked up to be. There is also this overall feeling imposed on us that...

I'm coming into this late... But I'd very much like to chime in on the topic. State-run foster career can be disastrous. When I was a toddler, a little girl with a big brother 8.5 years older than me, I believe my parents made the right decision to deal with things "in house", so to speak. Taking me to a child therapist likely would have resulted in a mandatory-reporting situation, my brother entering a foster care environment, where he would be bullied until HE learned to be the best (or worst) bully of all.

It is also possible I would have been taken out of the home and I believe that would have been the worst outcome of all.
It is so so hard to make these choices. I am glad his life wasn't ruined.

One or two people have told me, my life was ruined instead. But I don't think it is either/or. I can't know that childhood therapy would have done me any good. It's frigging complicated. Or, as you say, a conundrum.

I wonder sometimes, what might my life be like if I'd had children before totally falling apart - Would I be holding it together for them, or would I be unable to care? Who knows. I try not to dwell on "what-ifs" but it is difficult not to go down that path every once in a while.