DID Fragmented personality disorder?

[rochelle holly]

Forgot to say, I also go into childlike states under stress... perhaps less obviously lately... but a...

Hi All,
I am in psychiatric "care" and am able to be myself wholly and generally fully functioning, until in crisis, under prolonged stress or pressure, I find my child, and her friend, Holly, a 6 year old attention seeker, out and about , communicating with "psychic" friends.
I don't usually know till I hear them in the background of my mind, and feel I need to explain to others who they are, psychically.
They can be very embarrassing, so I guess that is the dissociative part.
My Doctor (psych) says it is fragmentation.
The "care" is basically anti depressants and regular sessions, as well as anti craving medications, as alcohol and cocaine are extremely attractive to dull it all.
I earn a wage, as in self employed, and people generally seem to think I am a capable intelligent woman.
I really feel very depressed, even being on the top dose of Effexor, and yet some days feel OK.
For me , I am just learning to live with it, and reduce my stress and pressure in my life, so I don't go into fragments.
Its not easy, but is possible.
It is always a surprise when I realise I have fragmented, and then realise the stress I have been under.
I wish all of you the best.
We are OK.
in this world it is challenging to not be stressed , is the issue.

 

[Mari 19]

Do any of you have attachment disorder? Do you tend to form relationships with narcissistic personality types? Was your mother absent, non-nurturing, neglectful, and alcoholic, and/ or a victim herself of narcissistic abuse? At lease one of you mentioned c-PTSD... I believe, from my experience and research, that many of these you are experiencing are adaptive techniques your brain is employing in order to protect you from the pain, the fear of conflict, rejection, abandonment. You don't want to get help because you also fear all these things. My brain, under severe stress can also cause me to have memory loss. During my divorce, ending a 30 year relationship with a psychopath, I hid important documents and household items and had absolutely no clue where I put them.

In college, years ago, I could not remember where my classroom was, as I was going to class to take an important midterm. I had a tick in my eye for years after college. Once, the world flipped upside down while I was commuting home from school (my brain stopped flipping the image?). Fortunately I was not driving, my brother was! Constant, chronic stress leads to dissociative disorders. Three years ago I was so fragmented from betrayal I didn't leave my house for 3 months. My fight and flight response was so profound that it was crippling my ability to function. Anxiety led to pacing. I never saw a therapist because I couldn't afford one.

I have been practicing mindfulness, meditation, yoga, (and I divorced the psychopath I had been with since ages 19-49) and self-parenting for the last 3 years and these symptoms have stopped. I am back at university, doing GREAT, I went no-contact to all the parasites (narcs) in my life, and the fragmented personality is now a memory. You have to re-train your brain, go deep within yourself to understand your attachment issues, and FIX THEM (through therapy, meditation, education, self-care).

I refuse to say I have anything but c-PTSD brought on by childhood neglect. I cast no blame, it is just something that happened in my family, and the dysfunction goes back at least 3 generations. I strive to break the cyclical nature of this, but at least 2 of my kids suffer the way I did, and 2 of my kids are like their dad. It breaks my heart, but am not giving up. I think many of us have had this type of upbringing, and it is our response to it (our early coping methods) that determine what type of adult we end up being. I hate to admit it, but I now believe a co-dependant is as guilty as a narcissist in the abuse cycle. I am now in control, I am my own parent, and I WILL fix myself, for myself and my kids sake.

Good luck to all of us, may we all help each other crawl out of the hole we find ourselves in!

 

[Rag doll]

This kind of describes me. I have been diagnosed with Complex PTSD - which includes Structural Dissociat...

I anguish over posting this thread,because I was very concerned it would be taken the wrong way. The very and I do mean the very last thing I would want is to encourage anyone to be mistrustful of people in their lives....God only knows how difficult trust is for every person on this site, it is a day in and day out never ending struggle to trust anyone on any level. So please keep this in mind before you read the remainder of this post . Sometimes people in your personal life for instance can push you to a very dangerous place, especially if you have early childhood trauma with a lot of abuse and you suffer with dissociation and splitting.....it is very very dangerous to continue a realtionship when you are pushed into dangerous place and you will know it,when you are there.....the dissociation could be very bad and prolonged.....whatever self destructive tendencies you have could be activated to a dangerous level,this happened to me and it was very scary to say the least. Rational thinking may be impossible at the time and it could easily be a very dangerous for a period of time. One thing that I know has probably saved me numerous times is one simple thing ...THIS IS THE TAKEWAY of this post.....if you find yourself in a very dangerous place and you are alone and if there is no one you can go to or turn to, make this a rule.....
Do not REACT or hurt yourself...no matter how strong the impulse is....you may notice your thinking in general may be very distorted do whatever you knows works for you....wait at least 24-48 hours....it may save your life.....You may be particularly vulnerable to a situation, especially if this is someone you have deep feelings for,or love. If someone is hurting you so much ....maybe you need time to decide if you should let yourself be hurt anymore, for instance if it ongoing abusive relationship...this may in addition activate your most deepest trauma and put you in a very dangerous place. Just remember if you ever find yourself in a similar position , hit. The " emergency pause button" till you have clearer head to deal .
Hope this is positive help for anyone.

 

[WhisperingUnicorn]

Do not REACT or hurt yourself...no matter how strong the impulse is....you may notice your thinking in general may be very distorted do whatever you knows works for you....wait at least 24-48 hours....it may save your life.....You may be particularly vulnerable to a situation, especially if this is someone you have deep feelings for,or love.

This WAIT is SO critical!

 

[BlueOrange]

Do any of you have attachment disorder? Do you tend to form relationships with narcissistic personality types? Was y...

I feel uncomfortable that you've been forced to make this journey without a therapist. Have your circumstances changed? Can you afford one now?