First of all, hello everyone. I'm new here, my name is Franco.. or Franci (as i usually like to get called since its gender neutral) and I really appreciate anyone taking the time to read this.
I'm Franco, I just turned 33, and my life has been a pretty crazy ride. I don't know how to explain 20 years of it without writing a whole book, but I'll try.
My mom died when I was 8. She was the only person who really paid attention to me, not just to my needs, but to me.
She died around Argentina's 2000s crisis, when everyone in my family had to work just to survive. My brothers had to help raise me while still being teenagers themselves, and my dad basically threw himself into work.
Even with three incomes, we were barely covering the basics.
I remember all of us sleeping piled together trying to catch the fan's air. Sometimes we'd eat chicharrón, basically cooked fat with salt. When we had a little extra money on the weekend, we'd get fiambre, bread, mayo and a cold Coke.
It sounds ridiculous, but those were some of my happiest memories. We'd eat together watching The Simpsons and laughing. We had almost nothing, but at least we were a family.
I had a small group of friends too. We'd hang out on each other's porches talking about Dragon Ball, Pokémon, Power Rangers, girls, videogames and what we'd do when we grew up.
But as I got older, my social difficulties became more obvious. My friends gradually moved on with their lives while I kind of stayed where I was. Videogames, computers and dreaming were my world.
Eventually my family couldn't afford my school anymore, so I had to move to public school. Starting over was horrible. I couldn't make new friends, and whenever someone I knew wasn't there, I'd spend the whole day wandering around trying to look normal while feeling like everyone thought I was a psycho.
I didn't know how to deal with it, so I started skipping school strategically just to get a break.
Obviously, that made everything worse.
I missed classes, fell behind, couldn't ask anyone for notes because I didn't have friends, and eventually I dropped out at 14.
From there, things spiraled.
I gradually lost every friend I had left. A firework exploded in my face and left me with tinnitus in my left ear. My sister, who was probably my closest friend, eventually moved out and we lost touch. She used to take me to concerts and help me get out of the house.
I spent years becoming more and more isolated.
There were still some things I managed to accomplish. I taught myself how to ride the bus around the city. I eventually went back to night school and finished it. I learned how to drive, although I never got my license because I couldn't afford it. I lost a lot of weight and reached my goal weight.
Then the pandemic happened.
It destroyed what little stability I had left. My gut health got much worse, I was stuck at home again, and living with my dad became increasingly difficult.
We also had a storm that damaged the electrical wiring in our house and destroyed most of our electronics. Computers kept dying, and I've never really been able to recover from that financially.
I've also been dealing with a serious gut problem for more than five years. I won't go into the details, but I haven't been able to use the bathroom normally for years and eating solid food can be difficult.
Right now I'm writing this from my bed with a fever. I haven't left the house in months, and my window is broken so I barely even get sunlight.
And honestly, one of the hardest parts is realizing how much of my life I feel like I never lived.
I never had my first job. I never got to experience having my own money and making my dad and grandma proud. I never got to really explore music, learn an instrument, go to concerts on my own, have a significant other, travel, make a bunch of friends, or just go out and experience life.
I have so many dreams that probably sound incredibly ordinary.
I want to improve my physique again and look my best. I literally lost all my ass
. I want to dress well and feel pretty, feel wanted etc
I want to learn an instrument and make music. I want to watch all the shows and movies I've missed. I want to cook more. I love cooking. I want to keep learning and improve my English.
And I absolutely love videogames. They've been one of the few things that can make the pain disappear for a while. When everything else feels awful, I can turn on a game and disappear into another world for a few hours.
Maybe that's why dreaming is so important to me.
For most of my life, I haven't had much of a life outside my house, so my dreams became the place where I could actually experience things.
they'rewhat keep me going.
I don't know exactly how I'm going to rebuild my life. I'm 33 and I feel like I'm starting incredibly late and the world seems like its going trough a mental crisis too..
But I'm still here. and my dreams are the only things that keep me from well.. you know.. And also my dogs, theyre my best friends and to some extent my childs
I want to know what it's like to have a job, make my family proud, have friends, fall in love, make music, travel, cook, learn things, play games, go to concerts, look in the mirror and actually like what I see.
I want to experience life.. And even when my life is falling appart i want to at least document that i was here ..
I'm Franco, I just turned 33, and my life has been a pretty crazy ride. I don't know how to explain 20 years of it without writing a whole book, but I'll try.
My mom died when I was 8. She was the only person who really paid attention to me, not just to my needs, but to me.
She died around Argentina's 2000s crisis, when everyone in my family had to work just to survive. My brothers had to help raise me while still being teenagers themselves, and my dad basically threw himself into work.
Even with three incomes, we were barely covering the basics.
I remember all of us sleeping piled together trying to catch the fan's air. Sometimes we'd eat chicharrón, basically cooked fat with salt. When we had a little extra money on the weekend, we'd get fiambre, bread, mayo and a cold Coke.
It sounds ridiculous, but those were some of my happiest memories. We'd eat together watching The Simpsons and laughing. We had almost nothing, but at least we were a family.
I had a small group of friends too. We'd hang out on each other's porches talking about Dragon Ball, Pokémon, Power Rangers, girls, videogames and what we'd do when we grew up.
But as I got older, my social difficulties became more obvious. My friends gradually moved on with their lives while I kind of stayed where I was. Videogames, computers and dreaming were my world.
Eventually my family couldn't afford my school anymore, so I had to move to public school. Starting over was horrible. I couldn't make new friends, and whenever someone I knew wasn't there, I'd spend the whole day wandering around trying to look normal while feeling like everyone thought I was a psycho.
I didn't know how to deal with it, so I started skipping school strategically just to get a break.
Obviously, that made everything worse.
I missed classes, fell behind, couldn't ask anyone for notes because I didn't have friends, and eventually I dropped out at 14.
From there, things spiraled.
I gradually lost every friend I had left. A firework exploded in my face and left me with tinnitus in my left ear. My sister, who was probably my closest friend, eventually moved out and we lost touch. She used to take me to concerts and help me get out of the house.
I spent years becoming more and more isolated.
There were still some things I managed to accomplish. I taught myself how to ride the bus around the city. I eventually went back to night school and finished it. I learned how to drive, although I never got my license because I couldn't afford it. I lost a lot of weight and reached my goal weight.
Then the pandemic happened.
It destroyed what little stability I had left. My gut health got much worse, I was stuck at home again, and living with my dad became increasingly difficult.
We also had a storm that damaged the electrical wiring in our house and destroyed most of our electronics. Computers kept dying, and I've never really been able to recover from that financially.
I've also been dealing with a serious gut problem for more than five years. I won't go into the details, but I haven't been able to use the bathroom normally for years and eating solid food can be difficult.
Right now I'm writing this from my bed with a fever. I haven't left the house in months, and my window is broken so I barely even get sunlight.
And honestly, one of the hardest parts is realizing how much of my life I feel like I never lived.
I never had my first job. I never got to experience having my own money and making my dad and grandma proud. I never got to really explore music, learn an instrument, go to concerts on my own, have a significant other, travel, make a bunch of friends, or just go out and experience life.
I have so many dreams that probably sound incredibly ordinary.
I want to improve my physique again and look my best. I literally lost all my ass
. I want to dress well and feel pretty, feel wanted etcI want to learn an instrument and make music. I want to watch all the shows and movies I've missed. I want to cook more. I love cooking. I want to keep learning and improve my English.
And I absolutely love videogames. They've been one of the few things that can make the pain disappear for a while. When everything else feels awful, I can turn on a game and disappear into another world for a few hours.
Maybe that's why dreaming is so important to me.
For most of my life, I haven't had much of a life outside my house, so my dreams became the place where I could actually experience things.
they'rewhat keep me going.
I don't know exactly how I'm going to rebuild my life. I'm 33 and I feel like I'm starting incredibly late and the world seems like its going trough a mental crisis too..
But I'm still here. and my dreams are the only things that keep me from well.. you know.. And also my dogs, theyre my best friends and to some extent my childs
I want to know what it's like to have a job, make my family proud, have friends, fall in love, make music, travel, cook, learn things, play games, go to concerts, look in the mirror and actually like what I see.
I want to experience life.. And even when my life is falling appart i want to at least document that i was here ..
I hope you feel heard and understood here. 
