From the darkness and into the light?

[Anitza]

Hi y'all! I'm wondering if anyone has any insight into leaving the darkness and getting into the light. After an abusive childhood and losing my sister to sex-trafficking and a horrible drug addiction, I've seen my share of dark tins in this life. I've really lost the ability to care about my own life or experience any long-standing joy. I think this definitely gets in the way of me experiencing romantic love which I do think would bring me some happiness, although I've mostly dated emotionally distant and immature men like my upbringing.

Seeing if anyone has any good thoughts on what works for them. The grind of life, world affairs, and all that jazz can really compound this at-times. But mostly, my low-self worth and overall sadness of the dark things in like have dimmed by light. Looking for trusted thoughts

 

[mszl]

Hi. First of all, I’m sorry that you’re in a dark place right now. I was there too, at some point. It’s a terrible place to be, I know. But it is possible to get out of there, I believe. Now, I’m in a place I would call ‘gray’. I’m still feeling stuck and not fully able to feel happiness, but it’s progress nevertheless.

The most important thing, in my opinion, is people. Whether it will be in person or online like this forum. During uni, my friends kept me from completely drowning in my misery. Here on the forum, for the first time, I found people who can say: “Hey, I feel that too”. Being alone makes the darkness worse, and looking for someone from down there can be difficult, I know, but it’s worth a try.

If you can, seek therapy. This is a bumpy road. I’ve been to a couple and until last year, I was finding it completely useless. But eventually, I found a therapist who was able to help me to some extent.

It might not be much - but just taking a walk each day can make small change. If possible, somewhere quiet, with a lot of nature. I found this helpful in the past as well as in present days. The darkest places are usually where we spend most of our time, unable to move, stuck in our minds. So forcing oneself to move from there physically helps in a mental way as well.

I hope you will find your own path to a better place to be. And a significant other who will love & treat you as you deserve to be. Take care!

 

[Anitza]

Thank you for the kind words & feedback! Definitely in therapy. Getting EMDR and such... was looking into psychedelic assisted therapy sessions but is very expensive, like $5,000 expensive at this moment. I've never been in meds which maybe I should reevaluate. My issue is I'm 10 years out of my sister's passing but C-PTSD is many years in the making. It's just really so hard. Feel like I'm treading water most days, not really living with any real enthusiasm. I hope I find a special person too but definitely have a people run from my past, but ultimately those aren't my people, and I know that.