Frustrated By My Reactions

[Lizard05]

I am convinced everyday that my boyfriend doesn't love me and wants out. Why do I go there? He shows me nothing but love and support. I just like causing problems I guess. Last night we went to dinner and he happened to know the waitress. He didn't introduce me to her. I was convinced that he wanted her and liked her. I spent the rest of the dinner in silence, fighting back tears and wanting to just leave. When we got home he asked me what was wrong. I couldn't get the words out. Why are the simplest things so hard? Why can't I have a nice dinner with my boyfriend without fear of him wanting someone else? Why do I feel like I don't deserve to be happy?

 

[Pinkmoon1]

I know how you feel, I am so use to rejection and expecting it is a known thing where giving in to believing in happiness is an unknown. I am programmed to know the hard side.....some how I think that is what I deserve and thinking he will leave me anyways so push him till he does.....yearning for him to surprise me and fight for me to stay. rejection in some warped way is comfort

 

[arfie]

If I do not understand, things are as they are. If I do understand, things are as they are. ~Zen Proverb

Accepting my dysfunctional habits as simply so seems to get me further than getting lost in Why. Acceptance allows me to shift my focus from beating myself up over the irrational reaction to consciously deciding what to do with it. Old habits die hard. Instead of agonizing over a habitual REaction, I choose my action for the situation at hand.

But that is me. Gentle support whyle you sort through your own, unique case.