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Frustrated dont know what to do

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cntrymom08466

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I am a survivor of many years of mental abuse of a man I lived with/father of my 3 children, since I was 18. He went to jail in 2004, for sexually abusing my 2 daughters. Biologically they are his children too, but i say they are mine, because he doesn't deserve them.

I had a flashback last night with the man I am married to now that I have been with for 13 years. (a good man). We were making love and I flashed back to the bedroom of the trailer I used to live in with the kids' father. It really took me a bit to get out of that space. I did finally and then I talked about it afterward with my husband and I talked about he treated me and cried. I am seeing a psychiatrist and I am taking 300 mg. of effexor and I am seeing a therapist, and have been with this one for about 6 months, but don't seem to be getting anywhere I am 53 and I have been on medication for depression and anxiety since 2001. I would like to start getting better. I don't know what kind of therapy I need. All we seem to do is talk about my everyday stress which I'm always going to have.
 
I am a survivor of many years of mental abuse of a man I lived with/father of my 3 children, since I was 18. He went to jail in 2004, for sexually abusing my 2 daughters. Biologically they are his children too, but i say they are mine, because he doesn't deserve them.

I had a flashback last night with the man I am married to now that I have been with for 13 years. (a good man). We were making love and I flashed back to the bedroom of the trailer I used to live in with the kids' father. It really took me a bit to get out of that space. I did finally and then I talked about it afterward with my husband and I talked about he treated me and cried. I am seeing a psychiatrist and I am taking 300 mg. of effexor and I am seeing a therapist, and have been with this one for about 6 months, but don't seem to be getting anywhere I am 53 and I have been on medication for depression and anxiety since 2001. I would like to start getting better. I don't know what kind of therapy I need. All we seem to do is talk about my everyday stress which I'm always going to have.

That's going to happen whether u are making love with your husband or not. Flashbacks come through. You have to quickly reverse your thought to all of the positives in your life. ( your current husband). You probably need to ask doc for more medication of Effexor and see what they say. It doesn't sound like 300 mgs are working for u. I'm on it, and I take 3/ 300 mgs a day

Just a thought.
 
Hey, @cntrymom08466 . Hearing how difficult things are for you.
Flashbacks are so awful, huh?
They sabotage our mind, even after we've physically left our trauma in the past.

Have you tried EMDR? Or specific trauma therapy?
It might involve switching therapists, but if you've been with your current therapist for 6 months and aren't feeling it, then maybe it's a good time for a change anyway :)

A lot of folks here have had great benefit from EMDR where nothing has helped previously.
 
@bellbird flashbacks do suck. I am having a tough time shaking the thought of it. I haven't had any quite a while I guess because of medication and never this strong. And was just a vision of a bedroom where I lived no one in there just a room. I think emdr would be good. I never heard of the other. I had one therapist I had started with earlier this year and she had just got started with the emdr and good feelings and she decided to go out on her own and not take my insurance the one I have now is suppose to do emdr but we always just end up talking. :( I leave there thinking I should put my therapy on the back burner again like i have before cause I'm not getting anywhere. Unfortunately there are not a lot of therapists on my insurance that do emdr or even mention trauma therapy. :( frustrating
 
Talk with this therapist you have. Let her know that you had a flashback and have a talk about it. I don't necessarily think it's time to increase the dosage of meds as a first thing to do. Maybe after you've tried other tactics first.

I think every now and then there might be some break though flashbacks that happen anyway - regardless of what meds or treatment you have? Maybe that's just me idk..

Can you ask your T if it is ok to talk about daily/weekly stresses for maybe a third of the session then work on your trauma for a third and then finally have some kind of meditation or settling down routine so you don't walk out the door wired up.

I'm suggesting this because I have to do this with my T.

I understand that life stressors are quite overwhelming at times but like you, I want to work on what's given me ptsd in the first place. So allocating time generally helps a lot.

I know there will be occasions when you cannot stick to anything like that. But I suggest it as a general rule of thumb thing - nothing rigid.
 
I think emdr would be good. I never heard of the other.
Sorry, I think I was a little unclear.
Was just meaning trauma therapy.
Someone trained in that area; it requires a more specialised skillset than just a general therapist.
the one I have now is suppose to do emdr but we always just end up talking.
Do you think you could express to your T that you would like to do EMDR rather than talking?
You can have a voice in the direction of T sessions, because ultimately if it isn't benefitting you, there is no point in doing T.
 
All we seem to do is talk about my everyday stress which I'm always going to have.
I used to do this kind of every life type of therapy. It was ok, but didn't really help the trauma symptoms. I stayed stuck.
not a lot of therapists on my insurance that do emdr or even mention trauma therapy
Ah, that stinks. But it's not hopeless. I'd suggest looking for a skills-based therapy. I'd suggest finding a DBT group to add to the individual therapy. Your current therapist may be able to help find this. DBT will help develop a toolbox of skills to use so that everyday stress becomes a lot more manageable. You'll have homework and things to work on every week for that everyday stress that will be more than talking. It can also help with the trauma symptoms too. Trauma focused CBT (gentle CBT) or ACT are two other types of skills-based therapy that might help.
 
My opinion if your post is that you had awful experience, loss of children you loved even if you are in touch and you have not processed. Flashbacks do not go away until fully processed out of the body. They are like ghosts that need closure do they lay in peace...the mythology has some truth.
Now because no therapist can go in your head and evucuate the memory, they have to talk to you about today stress to gauge what the flashbacks are waiting for...what is the antidote.
You will have to a legwork. For example, you need to think hard how a daily stress may be maifestation if your trauma disguised as stress or sleepless or fatigue.
The mind is too clever to give you direct connection. You, your body, intelligence, mind, memory and the therapist's attention, feelings, emotions can all be gathered to make a meaning.
Ask yourself, why? Rather than just saying the experience, ask why now? What is in my life allowing me to tackle to recover or deny it?
Ask critical questions that the answer my scare you but today you are safe(assuming you are). The answer may be something awful is happening in your day to day but it is manifestation and you can change today.

It is complicated process and I can only give you my tiny opinion but you can take a charge and ask yourself why?

Or ask your therapist why too? And see where that takes you?

It is hard process but easy when we allow to feel pain concoiusly rather than in flashbacks or unconsciously.
 
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